


Where the Green Meets Blue

by Clexaisbae



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clexa20gayteen, Coitus Interruptus, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grounder Clarke Griffin, Ice Nation - Freeform, Pain, Smut, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Wanheda Clarke Griffin, abby catches clexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:55:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 50,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clexaisbae/pseuds/Clexaisbae
Summary: Clarke left Camp Jaha, leaving behind a very confused Bellamy. She stumbles through the forest, lost and unsure of what to do but a pair of green eyes pushed her on. At night, after a close encounter with a panther, Clarke was captured by the Ice Nation and now she has to fight her way out, with only a pair of green eyes to guide her out
Relationships: Abby Griffin & Marcus Kane, Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 146
Kudos: 623





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke Griffin trudged away into the forest, feeling the weight of the entire universe on her shoulder, the weight of Bellamy’s eyes bearing into her back. He had offered to forgive her. Offered to forget everything that she has done wrong. But both of them knows that his offer is meaningless. Clarke needs to be able to forgive herself, before allowing anyone to forgive her. Monty understood. Monty let her go… She can only hope that in time, Bellamy will be able to do the same. In time, Bellamy can really forgive her.  
  
The Ark has landed on the edge of the forest, where the trees spaces out to meet the sea. Maybe it was luck, or maybe Sinclair had specifically chosen that spot. No one knows, but everyone is equally grateful for it, as they need not worry about water supply.   
  
Leaves rustles and branches snaps beneath the weight of her boots. Clarke hiked deeper and deeper into the forest, the trees slowly filtering out the shouts of joy and cries of grief as families welcome back the victims and warriors. Her shoulders slumps towards the forest ground as energy seems to have seeped out of her. She doesn’t know where she’s going and she doesn’t care. All she wants- needs is to get away. Away from the people whose life she had saved. Away from the chaos she had a hand in creating. Away from the families whose brothers, sisters, lovers, parents she was unable to safe. Away from her friends and mother whom she was unable to protect. She had tried her best, but it wasn’t enough.  
  
As soon as Clarke was sure no one from camp will be able to see her, she picked up her feet that she has been dragging along the forest ground, and broke into a sprint. Desperation clung to her. She needs to forget. She needs to leave.   
  
Every breath she drags into her lungs seems to get fresher every minute she spends running. Her jacket flaps around her body wildly. The trees grew stronger and thicker, Leaves filtering out most of the sunlight, leaving the blonde running free and alone. Wind gushes about her, louder than her own thoughts and that fueled the girl with more energy to run, faster and harder. Everything around her is green in colour. Green like Lex-. Clarke pumped her legs to go faster, blocking out the thought that is trying to penetrate her mind. Instead she focused on the bark of the trees. They are brown, but its colours are no way as rich as the brunett-. Fuck.  
  
Just then, her boot seems to trip on a branch, and the blonde landed on the forest ground in a sprawl. She is a mess. Inside and out. Clarke remains on the forest floor dragging oxygen into her lungs, sweat pouring out of every pore of her body.   
  
“What did you do?” She stared at the leader walking through the trees by the side of her enemy- THEIR enemy  
  
“What you would’ve done. Save my people.”  
  
Clarke stared into the eyes of the woman she was falling for. The woman she trusted. Begging her to turn towards the man who stood beside her and stab him, to show her that she trusted the right person. That her decision to trust her after Abby killed her father, after Finn who made her feel loved, was the right one. But nothing came through the soft lips that had claimed her own.   
  
Clarke gasps in pain as she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. Tears poured out of her eyes as she stared into the trees that reminds her of the woman whom she thought she could trust. Her body rocked as violent sobs escapes her lips.   
  
“AHHHHH” She lets out a torn cry, her voice breaking slightly. “WHY? WHY!” She screamed in pain, in anger into the trees. Birds flew away from where they landed to rest, their peace disrupted by her cries but she doesn’t care anymore. Everything feels wrong. Everything is broken. Whatever Clarke touches or thinks about, gets damaged or killed. Jasper, the cheerful goggle boy, whom everyone loves loses his first love because of her. Abby, no matter how much she hated her mother for killing her father, Clarke has always loved her, and now because of her, Abby has to be carried back to the Ark on a makeshift stretcher. Sobs rack through her body as she laid on the ground. A humourless laugh suddenly tore out of her.   
  
Since she was just a young child, she has dreamt of the ground, and prayed to every god she knows, no matter her beliefs, to send her down. Even as a prisoner, where her death is certain, she has drawn what she imagines the ground to look like. Peaceful, where no one has to worry about anything. And yet, here she was. Broken. Just like everything around her.   
  
Clarke curled into a ball, trying to shield herself from every wrong decision she has made, every bad choices she acted upon. And most of all, the piercing green eyes which seems to scream at her, infiltrate through every thought she has. Those soft lips that claimed hers in the tent, confusing her but made her feel safe. Safer than she had felt with Finn, almost as safe as she feels in her father’s arm.   
  
The blonde sniffs, her body drained of energy. “I don’t want to fight anymore. Take me home dad” Clarke whimpers slightly before her mind took mercy on her and led her into the darkness. She succumb to it happily.  
  
… “Clarke.” A familiar voice tore through the calm abyss Clarke had seek sanctuary in. “Clarke!”   
There it is again. With that click of the k that only a certain someone does.   
“Clarke, I need you to wake up.” Green eyes flashes through her head and Clarke jerks awake into the darkness of the forest. The she saw it.  
  
The glow of the yellow orbs in the moonlight. An outline of a panther, barely visible in the darkness of the forest. Part of her wants to lay back down on the ground, offer herself up to the panther which seems to be preying on its next meal. But as she watches the beast lick its lips with its rough tongue, one word rang out in her head. Run.   
  
So Clarke ran. She scrambled to her feet, and sprinted faster than she did before. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, lengthening her strides as wide as possible to gain as much distance between her and the beast as she could. A roar rang out from behind her and soft footsteps gained on her. She’s not going to make it. The thought dawned on her as she ran hopelessly though the forest. She’s not going to make it.   
  
A pair of padded paws lands on her back as the panther launched itself on its supper. Sharp claws dug into her skin forcing out an agonized scream from its prey as it dragged through the blonde’s back.   
  
Clarke’s face met the ground for the second time that day. But something has changed. She no longer wants to die. No, she had ran when she could’ve just offered herself to a quick death. She had fought to survive. And she will survive. She grabbed at the metal she had hoisted into her boots days before, the weight against her leg so familiar, she had forgotten it was even there. She clicked the safety off and stared into the orange glow of her predator.

"Yu gonplei stei odon." 

Shots rang out into the still forest air. Seconds later, a heavy body fell atop of the blonde, warm blood pouring onto her body.

Clarke toss the empty gun to the bottom of a tree, its magazine empty hence useless to her now, and she pulled herself from the heavy body of the panther. A gasp escapes her as her back scratches against the ground, causing piercing pain to radiate through her body. 

"Fuck." she winces, the panther must have made its mark against her. But she will deal with that later. For now, she'll get to somewhere safer. As safe as she could get from the wild animals that lingers around the forest. Clarke stumbles to her feet, feeling a little whoozy from blood loss, the scratches must be deep. She sighs and leaned against the tree beside her for a moment. She has to get somewhere saf-.

A blunt object knocked against her head, causing the blonde to fall unconscious to the ground. 

"Wanheda. Ai Kwin ste bilaik plaised." A gruff voice grunted as he carried the blonde on the forest ground.


	2. Azgeda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is captured by... Azgeda

"Guys, there's something here." Octavia called out to the hunting party she is stuck with. Truth to be told, she was getting really really annoyed with her troop. They seem to be snapping and stepping on every single branch and leaf they encounter. God, why couldn't Bellamy let her and Lincoln hunt alone. They'd have a much better chance at scoring some game then. The brunette followed the trail left by an animal obviously chasing after its prey which left a straight trail through the mass of leaves. Her party followed behind her, making noises which seems to echo throughout the forest. 

"Oh shit." Brown eyes lands on the black panther rotting on the forest ground, flies already feasting on its still warm body. Laying not far away is pistol. The only pistol that they have on the ground. The pistol that a certain blonde held onto. "Bellamy, this is O." The radio her brother forced into her hand cackles with static as she pushes down on the button. "We've got a problem. It's Clarke."

\----------------------------

Clarke stared into bright green eyes, fire burning within them. She was just escorted into the Commander's tent, the commander gave her a chance to stand before her and explain her actions to her. She had expected a big, muscular man, ripped and taut muscles bulging from his clothes to greet her. But instead, she had found her. The commander is a small woman, barely older than Clarke herself. At first glance, people would think that she is fragile, and weak. But within moments of looking into her eyes, bright with a fire ready to fight,enhanced by black warpaint, one would know not to underestimate the girl sitting on the throne. 

The commander sat atop her throne, carefully caressing her knife, before bringing her eyes up to finally look at the blonde. 

"You're the one who burnt three hundred of my warriors." Her voice was low with power and anger. 

Clarke looked back at her defiantly, about to answer her when the brunette stepped down from her throne. 

"You burned three hundred of my warriors within hours of learning of their arrival. You got me to agree to a coalition with your people. Clarke," the click of the k at the end of her name sent a jolt through the blonde. "You can do anything you want. You defeated the mountain men. You have to fight. You will survive."

Clarke looked into the green eyes that suddenly seemed to harden, her memories were all jumbled up. Then she remembered.

"You left me… Why would you care if I survive now? You didn't care about my survival when we faced the mountain together. You delivered me to their doorstep and walked away. So why do you care now Lexa?" Clarke had to resist the urge to spit into the other woman's face.

"I care Clarke. I care for you, more than I should." The hardened green eyes instantly softened as they flickered down to her lips. The next thing she knows soft lips met her own, sending a jolt of energy through her. 

"Please survive Clarke. For me. Come back to me." 

Freezing cold water pulled Clarke away from Lexa. The blonde sputtered as water invaded her lungs, bright light glared into her eyes as soon as she opened them. It took her a minute to orientate herself and make sense of her surroundings. She is lying on cement floor now turned grey from the water splashed onto her. 2 guards stood behind her, an empty wooden bucket sitting between them. She spared them a glare before turning to face the one in front of her. Standing a few steps higher than her stood two women. One with hair turning grey, and eyes so light it made her shudder, her face wrinkled slightly with age yet smooth as she looked upon the blonde seemingly relaxed. The another stood behind her and looked to be the same age as Clarke herself. Her dark black hair is twisted into braids that keeps her face clear of any hair. What shocks Clarke the most are the scars that ran along both of their faces, looking so similar, yet so different at the same time. 

The older woman took a few steps forwards and smiled at Clarke. However, instead of giving the blonde comfort, the smile seemed to make her shudder with fear. 

"Clarke kom Skaikru, also known as Wanheda. I welcome you to my home, Azgeda." The icy cold voice carried across the empty room with ease. 

Azgeda. From the stories she overheard from Trikru warriors when they had marched through the forest for days to reach the mountain tells her that they are nothing but cruel and cold. If this woman is their queen, Clarke isn't surprised by their stories. Within minutes of meeting her, Clarke can already feel herself freezing just from her icy gaze alone.

"What do you want from me, Nia?" Clarke spat out, assuming the name of the woman in front of her. And from the twitch of the other woman's mouth, Clarke knows she got it right.

"It is Queen Nia to you." Nia schooled her face back into its relaxed state and looked at the blonde. "Stories of the mountain has spread all over Azgeda's lands. They say that Wanheda has brought the mountain to its knees, killing everyone within its walls, burning them to death." Clarke bit down on her lips to prevent herself from breaking. She is well aware of what she had done to save her people. And in the process of saving them, she might've lost herself. "I find it hard to believe that the almighty Commander had cowered under the gaze of the mountain, unwilling to end the war as we believe, and instead had let a mere skygirl bring down the mountain." Nia smirked slightly as if she was amused by the idea.

"What do you want from me?" Clarke repeated her question, unwilling to think about the pair of green eyes that had saved her from death multiple times. Who had made her feel again, even after the death of Finn. Who had betrayed her at the mountain, ready to send them to their deaths. 

"I personally do not believer that you have brought down the mountain. A girl who is so weak. You are undeserving of the title Wanheda. That title belongs to my Ontari." She gestured to the girl standing behind her, who seems to stiffen a little more at the mention of her name. "The fact that it was so easy to capture you and bring you here to me only proves my point. However, the only way to take the title away from you is if you died. And me killing you will break the coalition. I can only see one way for me to do this…." A smile stretches across Nia's lips.

"I will send you to the pits where you will fight to the death. You will fight to prove that you do not deserve the title of Wanheda the second you fall to the ground, blood flowing out of you, dying the grounds of the pits red. However, if you survive. If you survive till the last day of winter, you will be free to go. I will see to it myself that you will be sent to the edge of Azgeda's land where you will walk free with your life."

Clarke's eyes harden, the fire that had died the second she pulled the switch comes roaring back. "All of this because of a title? What does Wanheda even mean?" Clarke managed to shout out as the two guards who had stood behind her silently grabbed her arms.

"The commander of death." was the last thing Clarke heard as the doors to the room slammed shut and Clarke was dragged down the building towards the pits.

\---------------------------------------

"Why are you letting her live? You should have just killed her right then." Ontari asked the elder woman as soon as the heavy doors slammed shut, leaving the two of them alone.

"The commander has betrayed her at the mountain, leaving her and her people at the mercy of the mountain. Wanheda is angry at heda, and we can make use of her anger. We can get her to kill Heda since we cannot do it ourselves, so that the throne is free for you to claim my dear Ontari." Nia smiled at her second. "But winter is coming, and she will not be able to survive on her own out in the open. She is too weak to suvive, let alone kill heda. The pits will change that. The pits will strengthen her, and keep her safe from the worst of the winter. When winter is over, Wanheda will be strong enough to return to Trikru lands and get rid of the commander for us."

Nia smile widens, "And then, we will be able to rule the entire land as we please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this guys!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia tossed her to the pits.

The blade sliced open her flesh again. Blood seemed to pour out of every inch of her body as old as well as new wounds bled. Clarke grits her teeth and focused on the mountain of a man standing before her. He smirked slightly at her as if he had already won. As if the girl before her was a mere pest to be gotten rid of. Clarke smiled inwardly. The overconfidence that lay within all of her opponents are what had cost them their lives. 

Clarke wield her own blade, twirling it between her fingers expertly, and jumped forward. Her opponent watched with wide eyes as the [princess before him twisted and slam the hilt of the blade across his face, its force causing him to disorientate. Clarke took the second presented to her and jumped. The few feet in the air gave her the chance to slice her own blade across the man's neck. As soon as her feet touches the ground, Clarke jumped backwards a few steps as the body of the warrior fell onto the blood soaked ground. 4 minutes. That's how long the fight had lasted. Albeit, half of which she had allowed him to injure her. The marks upon her skin proves the number of battles she had fought, intimidating her future opponents, yet gives the overconfident ones a sense of false hope as they would think her as weak. 

The gates to the pit was pulled open, its familiar groaning calls to Clarke to return to her cell. The blonde wiped the blade stained with the warrior's blood onto the armour of the now dead warrior, feeling nothing, not even an ounce of guilt, before she retreated to her cell, the cheers of spectators echoing through the corridor as she did so. 

Ai laik wanheda. Anyone who dares to cross me will find death instead.

She has been fighting for her life, fighting for her freedom for 2 months now. All she has to do now is to survive for one more month. She did not think about the people whom she had slain while she was in here. Not how young or how old they were, not how skinny and weak they seemed or how big and muscular some are. No, they were all prisoners, and being slain by her blade is what Clarke thought to be a form of mercy. She makes sure that their deaths are quick, fast and as painless as possible. No one deserves to suffer longer than they already did at the hands of the Ice Queen.

The first week here was horrible. During the day, she was stabbed and cut, barely managing to leave the pits alive. Her skills were close to none, the only thing that had saved her were the warriors' egos. They underestimate the blonde Skygirl, toying with her instead of killing her like they were supposed to. And that gave Clarke time to learn. She learnt how to fight, for if she didn't that would cause her a bruise, a scratch or ultimately, her life. While the warriors toyed with her, swinging their blade onto her as a joke, the blond taught herself the right way to twist out of its path, or how to bring her sword up to deflect the blow. At the same time, she watched her opponents, watched how they deliver each blow, each strike and carefully store it into a side of her brain waiting for the chance she will get to mimic the motion. Since then, she had defeated numerous, probably even hundreds, of prisoners, villagers and warriors alike. 

During the night, thngs are worse. Her cell was so small, when she lies down, she could touch both ends with her feet and the top of her head. But most of the time, when she sleeps, Clarke would curl into a ball, the thin blanket they gave her lying limply upon her shaking body. Winter was here, the entire prison feels like an icebox, the only warmth are given out from the torches that lit the hallways. When she sleeps- if she sleeps- she dreams. She dreams of the metal box up in space where she was kept prisoner much like she is now. She dreams of her father, his face slapped by the strength of space when he was blown out of the Ark. She dreams of Finn, the warmth of his blood as it soaked her hand, staining them red. She dreams of the mountain, the faces of the residents as she leaks the poisonous air through the vents. She dreams of her mother, screaming out in pain as the mountain drilled into her hips. She dreams of the pair of green eyes, always looking at her with something a little more. 

The cold and dreams combined stops Clarke from being able to sleep most of the time. So she spent most of her time tending to her wounds. To the cuts and bruises within her reach, and tried not to think about the future. Or the possibility of not having any. 

The blonde was escorted back to her cell by two guards. The cells she walked past to reach her own contains prisoners who cowers with fear, no doubt praying that they would not have to face her in the pits. Clarke couldn't blame them. After every fight, she has to walk past the same people, and the fact that she was dripping with blood every time, made her want to cower in fear too. Too bad one can't run away from themselves huh?

The bars to her cell locks shut and Clarke shrugs off her clothings, leaving herself In her underwear. The cold of winter nibs at her skin, but she had grown accustomed to it. She proceeded to wash away the layer of blood coating her body with the tap that her hosts graciously provided her with, barely wincing as she touches the open wounds. When her body is free of blood, she went on to wash her clothings, watching the clear water dye red as it dripped to the drain. 

"Yu gonplei stei odon." She murmurs in regret. This was the only time she allows herself to think about the people she slaid. Right after a battle, as she washes away their blood.

When she was as clean as she could get, Clarke hung the wet clothes on the bards and put on a fresh set she had washed yesterday. She laid on the thin fur, a makeshift bed and pulled the thin blanket over her body, curiling into a ball. It's been 5 days since she had actually got some sleep. Besides, it's not like she has anything else to do…

"Clarke don't do it." Bellamy yelled at her as she reached forward to grasp the lever.

"Than give me a better idea please!" Clarke cried out, she is so done. She is so tired of getting scolded for everything that she does. Doing things that needs to be done, but no one else was willing to do it. A tear slides down her cheeks as she prays that Bellamy actually has a better idea. That she do not have to kill the people in the mountain. All hope came crushing down when Bellamy gave her a look of helplessnesss. 

"I'll bare it with you." A large pair of hands covered hers and together, they pulled.

Clarke jumped awake, gasping for breath. It has been months since then, the details slipping past her. The exact words that they had exchanged. But she still remembers. She still remembers. She still remembers.

Maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe it was the cold, maybe she was just so tired of fighting. But Clarke did something she swore to herself that she would never do. Not here. Not under the watchful eyes of the Ice Queen. Not under the constant surveillance of the guards. She cried.

Hot tears slipped down her cheeks in contrast with her icy skin. She curls up tighter and finally allowed the tears to flow from the dam that she had built. Her heart shatters to a million pieces, each so fine she knows she will never be whole again. The memories of her old life, her friends, her mother, her father, most of all, Lexa, slaps her square in the face. The blow more painful than what she had to suffer through for the past two months. She cried till she felt herself drained of energy and water. She cried till she forgot what she was crying for. Everything seems to jumble up in her head. She cried till the gods took pity on her and allowed her to drift off into the dark abyss she had never been to every since the mountain. Ever since she touched the ground. Maybe even since she saw her dad for the last time. 

"Fight for me Klarke." Clarke didn't know if its real or just in her head. But she gladly agreed before she entered the slence, free from her thoughts.

"May we meet again Lexa."


	4. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia finally releases Clarkeyyyy

Clarke sat in her cell, picking at the end of her jacket sleeve. Something is wrong. No one has touched her several hours. True, she cannot tell time from within her cell as her cell block is merely walls with no windows. But the torches has burnt out several times, a guard dousing them each time to keep it alive. She has never been in long enough for a freshly doused torch to burn out. Something is going to happen and she's not sure if she is going to like it. Shouts and cheers from the fighting pits echoed through the dungeon. Every once in awhile, two prisoners are brought past her cell, and a moment later, one return, bloody and limping. Clarke's hand twitches. She's not a killer. She's a healer. And everytime she watches someone injured walk past her, she wished she could do something to aid them. Of course, being a healer in the pit is beneficial too. For she knows exactly where to hit a pressure point, how hard to kick the other warrior in the back of his thighs where the nerves run, causing them to collapse onto the ground. Then all she had to do next was drive her blade through their heart. 

Multiple sets of footsteps started heading her way and the blonde immediately schooled her face into one of nonchalance, ready for whatever it is that they have prepared for her. "Survive for me Clarke." It may be a hallucination, but Clarke was so desperate for it to be real… Oh what she would do to have those soft lips against hers again. The smell of pinewood and morning dew enveloping her senses…

The blonde was pulled out of her daydream as the bars to her cell slides open. The brunette who has stood behind the ice queen a few months ago, Ontari, now stood before her, with a pair of large, burly guards by her side. "Get up. The queen commands for your presence."

Clarke just stared blankly at her, showing no sign of hearing the other girl. Ontari gritted her teeth and shouted at the guards. "Drag her to the square." The guards immediately moved in sync and walked towards the blonde who remained seated, cross legged on the floor. Clarke, having not moved from her tiny jail cell in awhile, craved for some actions. Craved to beat up somebody. Something. So as soon as the guards were within her range, Clarke leapt to her feet and twisted into a roundhouse kick, kicking the right guard across the face. As soon as her feet touched the ground, she crouched onto the ground and swept the other guard off his feet. Before Ontari could even blink, both guards are coughing pathetically, trying to regain their bearings. The blonde on the other hand, smiled at her, making Ontari shiver slightly. 

"Let's not keep the queen waiting shall we?" Clarke walked towards Ontari and waited for the other girl to move. 

\-------------------------------

Clarke was right. She had been in the cell for longer than a day. She had been in the cell for a week. 

"Clarke kom Skaikru, you have survived the pits for 3 months. The end of the season has arrived." The queen pursed her lips in displeasure, as if the girl surviving hasn't been her plan all along. 

"Indeed it has." Clarke stared back at the queen, tilting her head to the right slightly. She stood back in the throne room before the Queen who was dressed elegantly in white and grey furs, a massive crown placed upon her head. God, what an ego booster. Clarke on the other hand, stood wearing rags as clothings. Her clothes has streaks of dirts in them and are clearly soaked in blood. As compared to 3 months ago when she first stood in this room, she is now half her old size. Bones stuck out of every part of her body, her cheekbones are now more profound. Thanks to one meal a week, barely enough sustenance to keep her alive.

"As per our agreement-"

"Your orders you mean." Clarke cut through the Queen's speech.

Nia pursed her lips in annoyance. "As per our agreement, you are now free to go. Be forewarn. Do not step into Azgeda's property again. For the next time you are here, I promise your you will not be seeing beyond the pits for the rest of your life." Nia waves her hand and the guards standing behind Clarke moved forward and grabbed the blonde's arm, ever so gently escorting the blonde away.

"Thank you for your hospitality." Clarke smiled at the Queen, her blue eyes twinkling as one word came into her mind. Leksa. She's going to see Lexa soon. 

\------------   
After getting tossed out of the castle, literally, Clarke picked herself up and stumbles down the stairwell. She looked upon the white land lying before her and calculated the distance to get out of there. She estimates about 1o miles, but then again, she was confined to a 3 by 5 foot jail cell for the past 12 weeks. Clarke shook her head and began her journey back home. A biting wind blew past her, causing the blonde to shiver uncontrollably, the thin and tattered jacket doing nothing to protect her from the wind. Maybe she should thank the queen for letting her go when she did. Any earlier and she would turn into an ice statue and placed before the castle's entrance. Oh she can just picture it right now. Wanheda, the commander of death frozen in spirit and body. Clarke shook her head and tried to think of hot stuff. Psychologically, it should keep her warm to a certain extent. Campfire, the soft blow of a heater,boiling water, Lexa…. The pair of green eyes flashes through her head and a wave of heat flashes through her body and Clarke could feel herself blushing. Well, she was right. She's feeling warmer already.

Her limbs weigh her down heavily, even though she was almost literally skin and bones by then. She can't remember the last time she has eaten. And her last meal was merely a slice of bread with a few berries. Her head started pounding within minutes of her journey, having not seen light beyond the soft glow of torches for a week, the sunw as far too bright for her to withstand. Clarke drags her feet along the white lands, finally able to see the border, the line where white turns green. She's almost there. But something feels off. It's too easy. The Ice Queen is letting her go too easily. 

Just as that though flashes through her mind, she heard it. The sizzling of an arrow through the air, and then another. A moment later, right before she crosses the border, the two arrows embeds themselves into her flesh… well skin, one at her right shoulder, and another on her thigh. Way to jinx things Clarke, the blonde grits her teeth as her body collapsed onto the ice hard ground. She twists slightly to make sure she lands without provoking the arrows any further. Another arrow flies through the air and lands beside her head. 

"What the fuck happened to free to go." Clarke muttered as she painfully drags herself across the border. She will be safe as soon as she is on Trikru lands. Only then will she take care of her newly acquired wounds. So she dragged herself, biting the inside of her cheek as the arrows already in her rubbed against nerves. Three other arrows shot towards her, all of them missing the blonde by an inch or less. With a final grunt, Clarke crossed the border and immediately seeked sanctuary behind a tree. The Ice nation do not play by the rules. 

When she was relatively safe, Clarke twisted slightly to look at the arrows embedded in her. She will not be able to remove the one behind her shoulder. It is too risky. She will probably do more damage than good. But the one on her thigh is relatively safe. The amount of blood trailing out of the wound shows that it has not hit any major arteries and she can just pull it out. The blonde ripped off her shirt, well the rag she calls a shirt and placed it on her knee. With a grimace, she jerk the arrow out and immediately placed the rag on the wound, applying pressure. She's going to live. But how is she going to get back to Lexa? Azgeda is the clan lying furthest from the capitol where Lexa is. It probably take a days' ride at full gallop to reach from one clan to the other. And that is with a horse. Clarke shakes her head. She survive the pits. She sure as hell isn't going to die right after she regained her freedom. No. She is going back to the green eyed brunette who had pushed her to fight, whether she knows it or not. She is going back to the woman she loves. The woman she's willing to kill for. 

Clarke wraps the rag around her leg, pulling it tight to lower blood flow. Next, she breaks the shaft of the arrow in her shoulder, holding it steady with one hand while using the wall of a tree snap it off. Now, she is going to walk. Walk back to her love. Her soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, I'm having my promotional exams next week, so I won't be posting everyday. Maybe just once a week?


	5. excerpt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A teaser for Chapter 6 where... LEXA IS COMING BACK

Clarke stumbles through the thick forest, her brows furrowed slightly as the usually still trees seemed to be swimming around today.

"What the fuck?" Clarke cursed as she walked directly into a tree which she could have sworn wasn't there before. Everything isn't right. The weather is inconsistent. At one moment, it burns, yet the next, she's chattering as if she is in an icebox. Now, the trees are walking around. Clarke furrows her forehead as she stumbles away from the tree, stretching her hands in front of her to prevent herself from walking into another tree. She stumbles over the uneven ground, which she had no problem walking through a few hours ago…. A few hours ago when the Ice Nation shot at her. 

"It's poisoned." Clarke mutters and cursed at herself. She should have seen this coming. It is so obvious. The blonde groaned as the entire world continue to swim around her, seemingly worse now that she knows the cause of it. The blonde gritted her teeth and forced herself to put one foot in front of another. Every step counts. She told herself. Every step brings her closer to Lexa. So she can't give up. No, she can't. 

But no matter how many times she chanted the sentences to herself, no matter how many times she tried to balance the world again, to ignore the effects of the poison, Clarke finds herself falling forward, face first into the dirt, her legs no longer able to support her anymore. As soon as she fell to the ground, all her energy and determination seemed to drain out of her too, leaving her as an empty shell. Tired, and extremely nauseous, the girl didn’t fight the heaviness of her eyelids anymore. I'm sorry Lexa.

\---------------------------

Two men jumped down from the trees they have been lurking in, observing the blonde who was leaving a trail of her blood along the forest ground. When she had collapsed onto the ground, they shared a look and immediately jumped down to help the girl up.

"Wanheda?" One of them asked the other as he sweeps the blonde hair away from the face of the unconscious girl.

"Sha, I was with her and Heda at the mountain. We should bring her back to TonDC, Heda is there. And it is nearer." The other man pluck the arrow out of the blonde's shoulder and cautiously licked the tip. The taste of iron almost overpowered the bitter taste of poison, most of the poison already washed away into the blonde's body.

"Poison. Blue Mountain Poison, most likely Azgeda. If she walked here from Azgeda…" The two warriors shared a worried look. "She only has a couple of hours left if we don't feed her the antidote." 

With a newfound sense of purpose, the warriors moved. One moved to carry the blonde, while the other ran in the direction of where they had left their horses to graze the grass. Time is running out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue mountain poison taking effect

_The roars of the twelve clans and Skaikru is so loud that even the trees seem to quake in fear. The warriors march through the mountains with vigor, the forest ground quaking beneath their boots. And in front of the army, stood their leader. Heda and Klarke. The two leaders share a smile, warmth spreading through the blonde. The feeling of the brunette's lips against hers still lingers, even though the kiss had happened a few hours ago. Clarke grinned to herself. After this war, I will be ready to be hers. The mountain slowly came into sight. The roar of the waterfall she had jumped off with Anya echoes through the woods. Everything is going as planned. Warriors got bolder and more confident every second that the fog was not released._

_"Em Pleni!" The commander yelled as soon as they step in front of the main door of the mountain. Almost instantaneously, the chants and stomping stopped as warriors awaits for their next command always ready to serve their commander. And so they waited. They waited for the signal. The sky slowly darkens and the blonde started pacing_

_"This is taking too long." She sighed._

_"It takes as long as it takes." Lexa answers her, no urgency in her voice. Clarke looked at the woman, wondering just how many wars did she have to suffer through to be so confident about this._

_Everything happened in a blink of an eye. Raven blasted the dams and they started their attack. The first troop of warriors collapse beneath the weight of the bullets, blood pouring out of their body. Then the archers shot at the door, molding the plan instantly so that it would work. Then Lexa left. Clarke missed the presence of the brunette right next to her, but she knows that Lexa will return to her side soon. The grounders' commander is fast and more than capable to take out those shooters._

_True enough, a few minutes later, as Clarke was commanding their next step, she heard the brunette's voice._

_But her smile turned into a frown instantly. "Lexa?"_

_The brunette turned towards the main door and Clarke followed her gaze with her own._

_"Thank you for your assistance Clarke, without you my plan would never have worked." The brunette turned her focus back on the blonde._

_"What? You mean, our plan?" Clarke asked, confused._

_"No. I mean my plan. To get my people out of there safely."_

Lexa watched the blonde lying on the bed, as still as a rock. She lets her mind wander off slightly, thinking about what would have happened if she had stayed at the mountain. Sure she would lose more warriors than she did, but she would have Clarke. Green eyes snapped back to reality when the blonde started writhing about agitatedly in bed. Nyko had warned her. The visions must be happening.

"Lexa!" The blonde gasped in pain, pure agony present in her voice. Lexa's brows furrows. She is glad that no one else is in the tent to hear the blonde saying her name. but she wonders why, and why does she sound so hurt?"

"Lexa… Don't leave me." The blonde whimpers slightly and she understood. She's dreaming of mount weather. Lexa pursed her lips as she wondered what the blonde was seeing. The blue mountain poison heightens all self doubts and fears, turning them all into visions, twisting the story so that it feels real. That is why, most victims of the poison are no longer warriors. They lost the confidence that all warriors must have.

"I love you." The blonde sighed before falling still again. Lexa's eyes flicker to the blonde. She said I love you. And she was calling for Lexa mere seconds ago. She loves her. Clarke loves her. Lexa's eyes widen in happiness until the next thought crushed into her. Not after what she did to her at the mountain. Even Lexa hates herself now.

\------------------------------------------

_Clarke whimpers a little as the mountain fades away. What the fuck is happening? That wasn't Lexa. It felt real but somehow, the blonde knows that that wasn't real. Lexa would not use her like that… Would she?_

_The darkness materialise around her, and she found herself standing in the tent, her lips pressed up against Lexa's, both of them moving slowly and softly. Clarke sighed in contentment. Everything feels so right.. Yet wrong. Clarke pulls away from the brunette reluctant, doubt brewing in her gut._

_"Lexa?" She whispered, and bright green eyes reappeared from behind closed lids._

_"Clarke." There. Lexa did not enunciate the k like she always do. This is wrong. This is not real._

_"This is not real is it?"_

_The brunette shook her head, but she seemed to understand the question wrongly. "No, I was using you to bring the army together, to get my people back safely. Thank you for your aid Clarke."_

_Her words seemed to stab clarke right through her heart, even though she knows it is not real. But it doesn't help that that thought has been nagging at her for sometime. What if it's really the truth? If Lexa doesn't love her… Clarke sees no point in living anymore._

\------------------------------------

"Clarke?" Lexa looked at the blonde shifting on the bed of furs, her blue eyes still hidden beneath her closed eyelids. "Clarke!" The brunette screamed and jumped to her feet. The unconscious blonde is shaking violently. She's having a seizure.

"Clarke, come on Clarke. Fight for me. Don’t succumb to the poison." She whispered and kissed the blonde on the forehead before running out of the tent. "Gustus! She's seizing." She yelled to the healer, her voice sending the gigantic man to his feet where he was having his meal, and sprinted back into the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its so short!!! the next chapter will be longer. And Clarke will wake up ;DDD  
> Stay safe guysss


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's POV for the past 3 months and seeing Clarke for the first time in 3 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to write the next chapter XDDDD

3 months ago

Lexa stood in the newly acquired war tent in TonDC, much like the one that had been burnt in the fire caused by the mountain, with 3 other generals who had managed to survive the missile attack. The war is over, not it is time to rebuild what has been destroyed. Rebuilld whatever they can anyways, some are just lost forever. Like families who had burnt to death because of a choice that Lexa had made…

The brunette pushed the thought out of her mind. The sacrifice is necessary. If they had evacuated the entire village, the mountain men would have found and captured Bellamy and Clark-. Bright blue eyes flashed before her eyes and Lexa felt her heart crack. She had betrayed her. Left her at the mountain to die.

"Heda." Indra called out to the leader. "We have 300 men and women, all skilled and healthy to help rebuild the village. The villages have chosen to rebuild the village just as it has been, before the maunon burnt it down."

Lexa nodded. That makes sense. After all, home is home. "Okay, split the group into 3s. One will collect timber from the forest, another- the largest group- will construct the huts and the las-"

While she was giving out her command, the entrance to the tent flung open and all three generals turned towards the intruder, ready to attack, their weapons held up. Lexa's eyes widen slightly as she recognise the group who had entered. Bellamy, Abby and Marcua Kane. Skaikru.

"Put down your weapons." Lexa commanded. After her actions at the mountain, the brunette couldn't help but think that she owes them something. "Chancellor, what are you here for?"

The older woman limped forward, favouring her right side as her hip juts out painfully, but pure determination is painted across her features. "Where is Clarke? Where is my daughter?"

At the sound of her name, Lexa stiffens.

"Indra, I trust that you will be able to manage the reconstruction on your own along with Rema and Gustus. Listen to the elders of the village to what they wish to be created." Indra nodded and retreated with the other two generals, but not before casting a glare at the group of skaikru.

"Where is she?" Abby demanded again.

"I don't understand what you mean. Clarke is not my people, why would she be here?" Lexa crossed the tent and took a seat at her throne. And a second later, she was glad she did, for she doubt her legs would be able to support her after.

"Oh, have you forgotten what you did at the mountain already?" Bellamy scoffed. "What you did too Clarke?" At that, Kane jabbed his elbow into the boy's ribs cautioning him not to go too far.

"She's missing." Abby croaked out, her face falling as she recognise that the commander was telling the truth.

"What?" the brunette snapped, causing the group of Skaikru to jump. The commander took a calming breath, trying to compose herself, her racing heart.

Bellamy, the boy who entered the mountain, stepped forward while Marcus held up the woman who visibly sagged.

"After we returned to Camp Jaha from the mountain, Clarke refused to enter. She said she can't bear to look at the faces of the people who she had saved for all she will remember is the things she had to do to save them." The boy's voice rise a little in anger, but to his credit he managed to keep himself in check. "So she left. She entered the forest and didn't come back, no matter how much I begged her to. The next day, a hunting partyt found a dead panther about 10 miles away from our camp and it is covered in bullets. And they found a pistol lying beneath a tree nearby. Only one person in the camp has a pistol." Bellamy trailed off.

"Clarke." Lexa guessed and the boy nodded." That proves nothing. She could have just thrown the pistol away and walked away."

"Yes, she could have, but we found signs of struggle, a pair of footsteps way bigger than Clarke's walking away from the site. She's gone commander, Clarke's been abducted. We thought it would be one of you guys…" The by traled off and looked at the commander expectantly. But Lexa doesn’t know what he wants her to say.

"I havent seen Clarke since the mountain. But I will ask my scouts if they have seen her." Bellamy nodded

"Oh and we found this hidden beneath the panther." The boy retracted a bracelet and walked towards her. Lexa stood and accepted the item. She gazed at the symbols of the bracelet and her heart seemed to stop.

'What? What's happening?" Abby cried out, looking at the ashen face of the usually stoic commander.

Lexa looked up to the three pair of eyes, but instead of answering them, she called out, "Gustus! Bring me Indra!"

"Sha Heda!" The gigantic man ran off in the direction of the general. Lexa continued to survey the bracelet and its engravings, ignoring the expectant gazes of the trio in front of her. No, she's too busy praying that she was wrong. That she saw the symbol wrong.

\-----------------------------  
"Azgeda." Indra growled in a low voice. Her confirmation made Lexa feel smaller. Memories of what happened to Costia overwhelmed her, but she pushed them away. Not in front of them. Lexa sat up straighter in her throne as she thought of their next move.

"Let's go attack them then. Get Clarke back." Bellamy voiced. And oh how Lexa wish she could do just that.

"No." All heads turned to the leader.

"And why the hell not?" Abby yelled, her voice hoarse as tears continued to pour down her face.

"Despite what you think of us, we are not savages." Lexa drew out her nice and spun it in her hands. The action always soothes her down. "We have rules. Azgeda is part of the coalition and we cannot attack them when they did nothing against the rest of the coalition."

"THEY KIDNAPPED CLARKE. THEY TOOK HER!" Abby screamed, her emotions running out of control. Kane rubbed his hands down the woman's back, trying his best to calm her down.

"Who is not in the Coalition." Lexa pursed her lips as the blade spun around in her hands. "Besides, we have no evidence. If we charge at them right now, the Coalition will fall. And that can't happen."

"So what do we do now?" Kane asked.

All heads turned towards Lexa, even Abby's, and the girl frowned.

"I have spies within Azgeda, I will ask for them to seek out Clarke, to confirm that she is really there, and what are the Queen's motives with her. Meanwhile, wee can do nothing."

That night, Lexa cried. "Please fight Clarke. Fight for me." She murmured into the furs, as loud as she dared to and not disturb the guard outside. "Fight for me Klarke." And she prayed that the blonde could hear her.

Now

Lexa heaved a log over her shoulder as she and another warrior nailed it to the hut. It's been 3 months and the village is almost completely rebuilt. Some villagers even moved back into huts and proper housing instead of living in their tents. The brunette had worked non-stop. When she wakes, she starts to help with the constructions, barely stoppingwork unless its to eat or drink, and when she goes to sleep at night, she would be so tired, she knocks out instantly but not before saying a silent prayer. Leaving her no time to think about the blonde girl with hair as bright as the sun, and eyes that reminds her of the skies on a calm and peaceful day.

"Heda!" A warrior- Raun- called to her as he ran.

Lexa stopped working and looked expectantly at the young warrior, barely 17 summers in.

"Heda, 2 scouts returned and they carry Wanheda with them."

Wanheda, Clarke.

"Where?" She snapped and wiped the sweat off of her brows.

"Healers' tent. She was struck by Azgeda's arrows." The boy told her. The brunette then took off in a sprint, the commander's cloak fluttering behind her.

Clarke. I'm coming.

Everyone scurried out of her way as she tore through the camp, and in no time, she reached the healers' tent. Without any hesistance, she entered the tent, expecting to meet bright blue eyes instantly. Instead, what she saw tore through her heart.

The blonde dressed in only a chest binding and underwear laid limply on the bed. Dirt covered every inch of her body and the num ber of cuts, scratches and bruises that covered her body made Lexa rage.

Nyko looked up from the middle of the tent where he was brewing a cup of tea.

"The arrows are poisoned with Blue Mountain. There's no use trying to repair her if she dies from the poison in her body." He answered before she could ask. Lexa nodded and stood by the side of the tent and stared at the blonde girl infront of her.

Her ribs stuck out of her body, and where there had been healthy fats, now laid skin and bones. Her skin is so pale, almost as white as sheet, yet blood continued to seep out of her wounds.

Lexa gulped as she thought back to the Clarke she had held before the mountain, squeezing her soft hips as they had kissed in the tent. What has she done to that girl? She could've saved her from the pain and torture she had went through if she had just attacked Azgeda those months ago. And now, the girl is lying before her, on the brink of death, freezing yet burning at the same time just because of her incompetence. A sharp pain tore through Lexa's heart, but she could do nothing but stand by and watch the healer do his job. Feeding the unconscious blonde the antidote, wrapping up any and every wounds she has, spreading some cream on open flesh, and using the white hot blade to seal up gaping wounds. All the while, Lexa was grimacing in pain, how she wish she could take all the pain for the blonde. She shouldn't have left her at the mountain. She should've stayed and fought. Screw her people and their ways. She just want the blonde back in her arms, conscious and loving. She knows if she had stayed, they would've won anyways. Sure the number of casualties on her side would be high, but _it's Clarke._

Nyko looked up at the stoic heda, but her posture gave away her concern for the blonde. Where she usually stands upright and tall, she now slouches slightly forward, a small crease appearing between her brows.

"Heda." Green eyes flickered to his, panic written across them. "The blue mountain poison will have side effects."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes FINALLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys!!! It really motivates me to continue writing :D

It's been a week. An entire week since Clarke was found, and Lexa had barely left her side. She watched pain flit through the features of Clarke's face, agony scrunching her features. It's been 3 months, one week and 3 days since she had talked to the girl…. But who's counting right?

Today, like all other days, Lexa got through admin matters that requires her attention as soon as possible and returned to the blonde's side almost immediately. It didn't take long, considering with the coalition and alliance in place, everything is peaceful. She merely has to set up some trade routes for her people and the other clans to restock after the war. 

"Heda." A gruff voice rang out towards her and Lexa tooke her eyes off the blonde to meet the intruder. Anya stood at the doorway of the tent. Her mentor was very lucky that Skaikru had had decided to fix her up along with Clarke, even though their intentions were not the same- they had thought anya was one of the 100 sent to the ground. 

"Anya." Lexa nodded, allowing the other girl to enter.

The warrior stepped into the tent and looked at her heda with a stern gaze. "We need to inform Abby about Wanheda's presence." 

"No." Lexa shook her head. "We've discussed this. It's too risky, few manage to survive the poison. If Abby sees her daughter in our land, attacked by one of the clans in the coalition, who's to say she wouldn't attack us back? Abby is a good leader, but she is rash. We have to make sure that Klarke kom skaikru awakes before we inform her people. Or that she…" Lexa gulps, unable to finish the sentence even through her Heda façade. 

"Leksa, she will be fine you know that right?" Her mentore knelt in front of the younger girl, clasping her hands in her gloved ones. "She is Wanheda, she survived the mountain twice, she survived a bullet, she survived pauna, she survived Azgeda. A mere poison will not kill her. Her spirit is too strong."

Lexa nodded but she still doesn't believe her mentor. 

Anya sighed and left the tent, leaving the younger girl alone to grieve.

Lexa stared at the spot that Anya was kneeling in. She's right, Clarke will survive. She has to. 

"Le-Lex." The body beside her coughed, her throat dry from days of unuse. 

Lexa's eyes widen, "Klarke?" 

Dull blue eyes met forest green ones. "Is this real?" The blonde rasped before shaking her head.

"No, don't say anything. You always ruin things when you open your mouth." A flash of pain strikes through the blonde's features. "Come here."

Lexa submitted herself to the blonde, too stunned to even process what is happening. The blonde weakly tugged the brunette onto the furs she resides on and wrap her arms around the brunette, breathing in deeply.

"Shit." The blonde shoved the brunette off of the furs. Lexa's eyes widen as she landed on the ground with a thump. "Dammit, you stink! When was the last time you showered?"

The brunette tentatively got up to her feet, ignoring the bruise possibly already forming on her back. "Klarke? You are awake?"

"I guess, you've never smelt that bad in my dreams." The blonde collapsed back onto the furs weakly, energy draining out of her faster than ever.

Just then, Nyko burst into the room, his eyes wide and breathing heavy. "Heda! Is everything alright? We heard a lou-" The healer's eyes falls on the blonde that waved to him weakly.

"That was my fault, I pushed her." Clarke laughed weakly. "Shit, everything is spinning." 

Nyko was by her side almost instantly, his tools spread out on her bed. 

"Breathe, Wanheda. It's just the poison leaving your blood." 

Clarke nodded and pulled in air into her lungs. 

"How long was I knocked out?" 

"A week, and another day since my scouts found you on the forest ground." Lexa answered.

Clarke nodded, 

"Does… do they know I'm here?" 

Lexa's eyes widen, immediately understanding who the blonde is talking about. "No, I asked my generals to wait till your status is….. Confirmed before we reach out to Arkadia."

"Arkadia?" Clarke questioned, as her eyes followed nyko who shifted to prepare the tea.

"Your people have decided to rename the camp to Arkadia."

"Good, we don't need to build up that man's ego any higher. And, don't tell them I'm here. Not yet, not when I…" The blonde winced as she tried to sit up.

"What are you doing?" Lexa immediately appeared by Clarke's side, pushing the blonde back onto the furs.

"Lexa…. I need to go pee." The blonde raise an eyebrow at the other girl who blushed.

"Oh." Lexa stutters out, releasing her hold on the blonde. 

Clarke chuckles as she rises to her feet, her joints cracking at the movement.

"Woah." She gasps as she swayed unsteadily on her feet, almost falling back down onto the furs if it weren't for the brunette who jumped to her aid. 

"You are weak, take things slowly." Lexa commanded as she guides the blonde into another section of the tent, much smaller and a hole dug into the ground. 

"I think I can handle it now." Clarke stood awkwardly, waiting for the brunette to leave. 

"Clarke. The hole is 5 foot deep, and probably half of it is filled with faeces. I'm not risking you falling in there and making me or one of my people pick you up and clean you." Lexa stated bluntly.

Clarke felt heat rise to her cheeks as she nodded her head and shakiy made her way to the hole, even with the firm grip of the commander on her hand. 3 awkward and uncomfortable minutes later, the two leaders walked out of the toilet and back to Nyko who was waiting with a cup of tea.

"Drink this Wanheda, 2 more cups and you should be completely healed from the poison." 

Clarke sighs and took the Clarke in her hand. "Please, call me Clarke." 

The healer hesistates but eventually nods and left the tent, saying something about getting food.

"Oh food! It feels like its been ages since I've eaten some." Clarke grinned as she sipped at the tea, her face crunching up at the bitter flavor

"Clarke, have you even been eating for the past 3 months? You lost a ton of weight." Lexa stared at the younger girl, trying to ignore the way her cheekbones now stood out.

Clarke shakes her head. "A story for another time heda." The blonde's smile disappeared as her face turns poker. Lexa sighs.

"Very well, I'll have one of the handmaidens prepare you a bath." Lexa stood to leave the tent.

"Are you saying I stink, Heda?" The blonde looked at her with shock.

"I am not, but my guards outside the tent are suffocating." Lexa replied, a small twinkle in her eyes.

The blonde grins. "What do you know? Heda can joke."

\-------------------------------------------------------

Clarke laid alone in the tent, the quiet hum of work outside as warriors moved about their chores filled the tent. Clarke stares up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the ache im her legs, shoulders, stomach, arm, literally everywhere. Screams echoes after her as the blonde tried to seek sanctuary in her mind. Screams of the residents of the mountain, screams of the prisoners whom she killed cold bloodedly, screams of Raven and her mum as the mountain drilled into them, screams of her own voice as she underwent torture by the hands of Nia a few times a week when she won too many rounds. It was their attempt to weaken the blonde, since the lack of food doesn't stop the blonde from obtaining her energy from anger. Her once flawless skin is now filled with marks of every kind. The slash of a sword, leaving behind a glossy white line, the white hot metal, leaving behind uneven flesh, slashes of whip that left her back jagged wounds too deep to heal properly. A tear ran down her cheek but the blonde quickly wiped it away. Lexa had saved her, but she is still on uncharted territory. The commander, afterall, had abandoned her and her people at the hands of the mountain. Can she trust her anymore?

She hopes so. Because she really needs to.

The rustling of the tent flaps drew the blonde out of her head and she looked up to see 3 handmaidens dragging in a tub and buckets of water. First things first, Clarke gave the women a small smile as thanks while she pulled her body into a sitting position, ignoring the scream of her back. First things first, she'll get clean, wash off the months of dirt, grime and possibly blood from her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I was using my Swiss army knife to cut something when the blade suddenly retracts on my finger. On my right hand. And next week is heavy duty exams jsjsksjskjsksjs


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating!!! My exams just finished, so I think you can expect more frequent updates now XD

"Clarke, I brought foo-" Lexa entered the tent before hastily exiting. Her face burned as the tray in her hand shakes. She could hear the blonde's amused laughter from inside the tent… wiping her very very very bare body dry from her bath. Oh god, get a hold of yourself. Stop thinking about it. Stop picturing it. As she willed the image away, the sight seemed to burn itself further inside her thoughts, engraved in her eyes. The brunette rolled her eyes towards the sun, blinding them momentarily, trying deperately to burn that so so so beautiful image out of her mind.

"You can come in now." She heard the other girl shout out but she couldn’t move her feet. She can't meet Clarke with these thoughts in her mind. "Leksa come on, im hungry."

At that moment, the brunette instantly felt guilty. Her mind had filtered out how undernourished clarke is, focusing on her lust. With a deep breath, Lexa reentered the room where the three handmaidens were settling the blonde on the bed.

"Thank you." Clarke nodded to the handmaidens before they left. The instant the tent flaps shut, she found blue eyes gazing deeply into hers. "Leksa, I don't need three handmaidns to help me bathe. I am perfectly capable of doing that by myself." 

There it is again. Lexa didn’t mistook it. Clarke said her name in Trigadaslang. And she loves it. Swallowing the need to ask the blonde to say her name again, Lexa nodded. "If that's what you want, I'll tell them that their service is no longer required."

Clarke nodded her head, although she knows she is going to regret this decision later.

"I'm guessing we need to talk." Clarke sighed as she chewed on the ripe berries. Lexa just nodded her head. 

The blonde took a deep breath, unsure of where to start. Or rather, the most appropriate place to start, because she knows what she wants to ask the brunette. What she needed to ask the brunette.

"Why did you leave me?" Her voice came out in a broken whimper, despite rehearsing it in her head an infinite number of times for the past few months.

Lexa felt her heart crack as she could literally hear the pain the blonde is feeling. She pulled her gaze to the blue eyes speckled with flecks of gold. 

"I had to leave with my people. The mountain men gave me a deal to save my people and I have to take it." Lexa started, but when she saw the blonde flinch slightly from her words, she hurriedly continue. "I had to take it because the deal was offered to me in front of 10 of my people. They would be aware that I had the opportunity to sav e our people, to reunite families and possibly instill peace amongst the grounders and the mountain men but I did not. They would not hesistate to remove my title as commander Klarke.And if they did do that, I wouldn't be able to protect you and your people from mine. Not everyone is happy about the alliance I have made with Skaikru. I had to do it. I had to leave you."

Clarke stayed silent for a long time, pondering over the words that the brunette had spilled through her lips. Finally, she looked up at the brunette, a frown present between her brows.

"But I thought, you are a commander for the rest of your life, the only way a commander was replaced is when they died. How would they remove your title from you?" Clarke asked, already fearing the answer she is going to receive.

"A commander can be removed from the throne in two ways. Death, or by a vote of no confidence. If a vote of confidence is being enforced, the commander will have to face 2 warriors chosen from every clan and fight to the death."

"So if you had stayed… You would face a vote of no confidence by the clans?"

"Most likely. The coalition has always been fragile, if I die, the coalition would die with me and all the clans will be at war again. And whether you like it or not, Skaikru will be in the middle of the war too."

Clarke stared at lexa, her eyebrows furrowed. "You know… you sound extremely self obsessed there." 

And that was it. That sentence brought the first smile to Lexa's face in months. Lexa's face felt stiff as she used muscles that had not been in motion for a long time, and yet the smile came to her so naturally she hardly noticed it. Clarke's eyes seemed to sparkle with joy as she looked at the girl before her smiling.

"You should smile more often, you look stunning when you do." Clarke couldn’t stop her mouth from blurting out, but she can't say she regrets it when the brunette smiled even wider.

"I'm the commander Klarke. The commander is intimidating, not stunning." Lexa smirked. "Eat Klarke, you must be hungry."

Clarke looks down at the bowl of fruits in her hands and found that she really isn't hungry anymore. Even though she had only eaten a couple of berries.

"No, I'm actually really full" Lexa frowned but nodded, accepting the bowl from the blonde. 

"Okay, is there anything else you want to talk about?" 

Clarke looked at the other girl, she was merely a couple of summers older than her but she acted like she was so much older. Clarke could understand, having so much responsibility forced upon her has forced Clarke to grow up faster. And Lexa is in charge of a dozen clans, she cant imagine how much pressure that was. She stared into the emerald green eyes that seems to be so free and open whenever she's with her… Only when she's with her.

"I forgive you. For leaving me behind I mean…." Clarke blurted out. Lexa's eyes widened marginally but she said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "I mean, I had never really blamed you. I would have done it too, if I were in your position. I would have left you for my people and hoped that you would understand. It's what comes with being a leader right? We are slaves to our people." Blue eyes dart down to parted lips and back to the emerald eyes which are shining with tears. "I lo- I trust you Leksa. So much that it scares me.." Clarke gulped. "But I don't think I will be able to survive if you left me again,"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chaps at once because why not?

8:51 PM

Lexa doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know how to make her lips move and form words again.

Clarke forgives me.

That's all she can think of. The one thing that she dreamt of for the past 3 months. The one thing that she prayed would happen has come through. She so desperately tried to control her body. To stop the liquid that is brimming in her eyes, stop the fluttering of her lungs, stop the burning of her nose. Lexa turned away from the blonde as her shoulders started to shake hopelessly and hot tears traced her cheeks, falling onto the ground in fat droplets.

Commanders don't cry Lexa. Stop crying!

Lexa struggled to breathe evenly and she started to panic. She has never cried. Not since the day she was taken from her mother. Not since the day she was brought to Polis to begin her training. She has never cried and Oh god… how does she make it stop?

"Lexa?" She hears the concern in Clarke's voice but she shook her head. No. The commander does not cry. She is not weak. She is not weak. She is NOT wea- A warm hand lands on her shoulder and without even hesistating, Lexa's body leaned into the warmth and safety it offers.

"It's okay Lexa. We survived. And I'm here… With you again." The blonde tugs the brunette towards her gently. Slowly, Lexa's ragged breath starts to stabilise as she breaths in the unique scent that is Clarke. "I'll always be with you Lexa."

Tears threatened to spill again as the blonde rocked her gently back and forth, muttering soft words into her ear.

"I'm sorry." She whispered

"I know."

\------------------------------------------------

"Don't you have anywhere else to be?" Clarke asked Lexa who stood over her as Nyko redressed her wounds and prodded at her ribs, making her wince slightly.

"We are at a time of peace. There's not much that requires my attention as of now." Lexa shrugged as she took in the numerous wounds that littered on Clarke's body."Unless you'd like me to leave?" She smiled slightly as Clarke shook her head. "Okay."

"Leksa, how are my people?" Clarke looked up and Lexa allows herself to be lost in the deep sea of blue that overwhelms her senses for a moment.

"They are doing good. Your people have taken to expanding their land, after seeking for my permission, to accommodate the formation of new families within the survivors. Your people are thriving Clarke."

Clarke nods and looks away. "And my mum? Bellamy? Octavia? Raven?"

Lexa watched as pain and shame flit through the blonde's features as she thought of the faces linked to those she listed.

"Your mum is the new chancellor of Arkadia. Bellamy was promoted to a… head guard?" She frowned at the weird terms but continued when the blonde nodded looking much more at ease than she was. "They came to visit a week before you disappeared to ensure that the alliance is still in place and to seek permission to build beyond their lands. I agreed seeing that they had eradicated the mountain bringing about peace." The blonde flinched slightly as she talked about the mountain but did not say anything. "I personally has yet to see Octavia and Raven, but my scouts reports that after a trip to the mountain, under the supervision of my warriors, Raven's leg is as good as healed and Octavia is hunting for your people, feeding them with freshly caught meat and stocking up for the winter."

Clarke smiles at that. "Looks like they don't need me after all do they?"

Lexa moves forwards and grabbed the blonde's arm, careful not to disturb the healer at work.

"Clarke, your people are surviving. That's all that they are doing. They miss you you know?"

Clarke nods and turn away even more to wipe the tears off of her cheeks. "I miss them too."

"Where have you been Clarke?" Lexa tried asking the question that has been bugging at her since the day she left he mountain, left her love.

A conflicted look passed through her face as she turned to look at Nyko. The healer sped up his bandaging and within seconds, he is excusing himself, leaving a freshly bandaged blond and a brunette by the bed.

Clarke sighs as she debated telling the brunette where she had been. But she already knows she is going to tell her. There's no point prolonging the inevitable anyways.

"Azgeda. I was in Azgeda."

The grip on her arm tightened marginally as a look of panic flashes through Lexa's normally stoic face.

"But I'm okay. I'm here Lexa, I'm here with you." Clarke immediately jumped up, trying to reassure the brunette, stop the panic that is brewing inside of her.

"How. Why?"

Clarke looked at the conflicted woman before her, already understanding what she's asking. Should I break this time of peace and attack Azgeda?

"It was the night I left my people. I was attacked by a pauna and with no other options, I had to shoot it to its death. The gunshots must have attracted the Azgeda scout nearby for the next moment, I felt something hit my head and knocking me out. When I woke, I was in the throne room, standing in front of Nia. She gave me an ultimatum. If I survive the fighting pits till the end of the season, I will be free to leave." The hand tightened even further on her arm. Lexa knows all too well about the fighting pits that Nia has in her lands. Warriors captured wandering into her lands are brought to the pits where they will fight to slay or to be slain. She has lost hundreds there. And she almost lost Clarke there. "So I fought, and I survived." Clarke turns to look into the bright green eyes she dreamt about so often. "I survived for you lex."

"I'll never leave you again. Never." And even though that is a promise Clarke knew she can never keep, she chose to believe her. Because love is blind. And Clarke is in love with the brunette with shining green eyes


	11. Chapter 11

"Tell Titus I'll be in TonDC assisting the rebuilding of the village for a few more weeks. I entrust him with all minor disputes and political duties that demands for an immediate calling before I reach Polis." Lexa told the young messenger boy, barely 16 summers. The boy nodded enthusiastically and ran off after bowing to her. Lexa sighs as she finally got to descend from the throne, her back aching from sitting on the uneven roots. She just finished her duties and now, she can go back to Clarke. A small smile spread across her lips. Clarke. Clarke is giving her a second chance.

A sound of familiar laughter rang out from the quad outside of her tent. Lexa screw on her stoic face, place her hands behind her back and marched out to investigate the chaos. To her utter horror, she saw Clarke out of her assigned bed, dressed in a simple black tank top and pants, assisting the villagers, carrying heavy wooden beams from one end of the village to the other. And to her surprise, the blonde is communicating with the villagers in trigedaslang. Lexa felt a warm heat swell at the bottom of her stomach and she clenched her thighs together, hoping to get some relief. Why is she feeling so turned on by the woman she love speaking in her language so easily? 

That thought jumped out of the train a second later though, for the blonde in question winced in pain as shetwisted her body the wrong way. Lexa immediately move forward towards the blonde.

"Clarke. What are you doing?" Lexa raise an eyebrow.

"I'm helping to repair the damage that I caused, and interacting with your lovely warriors. They are actually really nice when they aren't attacking me or my people." Clarke sent a wink to the group she was with. The group of warriors chuckled in amusement before moving back to their task. 

"Clarke, you should be resting. You are in no state t-"

"Lexa. I'm a healer. I know what's best for me and my body." The blonde interrupts. 

Lexa tried to stop her face from flushing as she push the image that came with the phrase 'my body' out of her mind. But with the smirk that the blonde is wearing =, she knew she is unsuccessful. "You know, but you won't follow. Clarke, we found you almost dead a week ago and you just woke up yesterday. You've barely eaten a few berries and now you are up and about moving wood weighing a ton around the village. I may not be a healer, but even I know you are overdoing it. Go back to the tent and rest Clarke."

The blonde rolled her eyes and pouts but she followed her instructions. Lexa suspects that her obedience has got something to do with the slight limp that she is trying to mask. Lexa shakes her head. She is so adorably stubborn. Clarke turns when she realises that Lexa is not following her and raises an eyebrow, mimicking Lexa from mere seconds ago. 

"Are you coming or what?"

And there it is again, the flutter at the pit of her belly. Lexa gulped and like a dog on a leash, she willingly follows the blonde. Because she is the commander. Everything that she does is on her own free will. No, no one controls her thoughts. Okay, even Lexa is laughing at her argument now. 

\--------------------------------------

Clarke groan in pain as she settle down on the bed again.

Lexa watched in amusement, unable to suppress the smirk that is appearing on her face.

"Oh, go ahead. Just say I told you so already." The blonde rolls her eyes.

"I told you so." Lexa repeated after the blonde and laughed softly as the blonde let out a barely intelligible response.

"Shut up and get over here." Clarke tugs at her coat. Lexa leans forward as blue eyes flick across her face, from her eyes to her lips and back, before soft pink lips capture hers into a kiss. And oh god, it was better than she had remembered. Especially now that there is no shadow of the mountain haunting them every step of the way. Lexa smiles slightly into the kiss. Clarke is the one. Clarke is her other half of her soul. Clarke is her star. And nothing is going to change that.

The brunette sighs into the kiss and reluctantly pulled apart, leaning her forehead onto the other girl's.

"Leksa." Clarke sighs, causing a shiver to roll up Lexa's back.

"Where did you learn Trigedaslang?" Lexa couldn't help but ask, keeping her eyes closed as she breathe the blonde in.

"3 Months in Azgeda camp, I'm bound to learn some Trig Lex." Clarke lets out a humourless laugh. "It was pretty simple, considering only 1 of the guards is able to speak Gonaslang, He translated all the trig into gona, and I was able to catch on quick enough."

Lexa clench her fists as she tries to push the thought of Azgeda out of her mind and instead focus on the fact that Clarke understands Trig now.

"Ai hod yu in, Leksa" 

"I love you too Clarke." Lexa responds and they both lean in for another feverish kiss. Lexa allows her hands to roam around the blonde's body, but never crossing the hips or the chest.

"Touch me Lexa." Clarke growls and leans into her body.

"You are not healed yet Clarke." Lexa shakes her head and step away from the blonde. "I'm not risking hurting you. Not anymore. Not ever."

The blonde scoff. "I'm a healer myself and I say I am fine."

Lexa smirks and a small chuckle slips out. "Not until I see you are strong enough Clarke. Until then, I am not touching you. Now rest and heal. I'll see you for dinner."

Clarke roll her eyes as the brunette left her alone. Obediently, she returns to her bed and closed her eyes. Not because she is tired or in extreme pain, no. But because she needs her energy in order to prove to Lexa that she is fine. A small grin form on her face. Oh how surprised Lexa will be. And probably mad, but Lexa is always a little turned on when she is mad at her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke showing off her skillzzzz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it and here you have it!!!!   
> Ps, if you want to see specific content, leave a comment below and I'll try to write it out.

"Ice nation armies are spotted near the edge of the border again. Queen Nia insists that they are merely training." Indra growls.

Lexa nods her head, staring at the spot where Indra had marked on the map with a charcoal. 

"She has not broken any of the rules of the coalition yet. We can't approach her unless she does… Place more scouts at the border. Give them the order to move in pairs. If Ice Nation is spotted breaking the rules of coalition, one of htem will stay to monitor them and the other to report back to TonDC."

"Sha He-" Indra started but was interrupted by a loud commotion outside the tent.

"Go." Lexa waved the general away as she rise from her throne to inspect the commotion. TonDC has been grieving for the dead for a few months now. She was not expecting the cheers of warriors vibrating through the forest.

Lexa stepped out of the tent and was greeted by a crowd of warriors, all facing the centre of the circle formed by their bodies. As if her power could be felt by all, the crowd part a path for her to reach the middle, giving her a chance to see the cause of the commotion through the hulking body of the warriors.

To say she was stunt was an understatement. To say she was horrified, would still be an understatement. To say she was slightly turned on would be another understatement. 

In the middle of the circle was Clarke dressed in the same black tank top and leggings, fighting an onslaught of warriors twice her size. The blonde wield the training blade with an ease as if the blade was an extension of her, like an arm. Hair coloured like the sun flowed behind the blonde, capturing the rays of the sun as they follow the blonde's swift moments, dodging the incoming blades. A smile is spread over the blonde's face as she dodged attack after attack by skilled warriors, warriors who had killed hundreds in past wars. Warriors who had fought alongside her for as long as she was alive, and probably even longer. And yet, the blonde was dodging them, moving faster than every one of them, anticipating moves and strikes before the warriors could even decide upon them. Lexa was entranced. A warm fire starts to burn at the pit of her stomach, and all she could do was clench her thighs tighter together, to calm the heat brewing inside of her.

Clarke's movements were agile and fluid, as if she had learnt this the moment she existed on earth. Lexa has no doubt that Clarke would be a difficult opponent to defeat. Even for her. And somehow, that makes Lexa want her more. A smile lit up the blonde's face as she easily dodge the swings made by her opponent, stepping past 2 blades and flipped in the air. She didn't look like she's trying, and that made her opponents madder. The blonde throws her head back and lets out a laughter as the warrior trip over her outstretch foot and lands on his back clumsily. Blue eyes caught hers and the other girl sent Lexa a. wink… and the energy seemed to travel straight towards her core. 

Clarke watched the green eyes watching her darken and she smirked. Lexa is acting like the Alpha wolves her dad used to tell her about. And the best way to attract the attention of the Alpha wolf… Show off your strength. 

"Is that the best that you have?" Clarke laughed as she leans forward to help the warrior up from the ground. "Why don't you and your friends attack me aet once? The loser/losers will be tied to a tree for a night."

"Are you sure you can manage that Wanheda?" The burly warrior cocked an eyebrow as he waved 3 of his friends forward. "Do not claim that we have cheated when we win."

Clarke shakes her head. "If you win… I'll let you bind me to the tree."

"Sha Wanheda. Once a warrior falls to the ground, he is out." 

Clarke twirls her sword from her left hand to the right and to the left again as the 4 warriors surround her on all sides. She calms her mind and tuned out the cheering and piercing green gaze in her back. Instead, she focused on the elements. The shift in the air as a warrior moved towards her, the vibration of the earth as they stomp the ground. Her eyes were sharp and alert as she twist and spun out of the way of a sword sneaking up on her. She wielded her own sowrd and smacked the warrior behind her in the chest causing him to fall to the ground. 3 more. 

Her eyes snap to the warrior on the right who step towards her with determination and swung his blade down at her. But he has too much determination, his show of power too strong. That's when she caught it. The shift in the air as another warrior snuck up behind her. With a quick calculation, Clarke stepped to the left as the sword of the first warrior came down upon her and jumped off the ground as the hidden blade swept pass the air right where her legs were trying to knock her off her feet. As soon as she lands on the ground again, Clarke falls into a crouch and extends her left leg before spinning a full 360, her outstretched leg sweeping the two warriors off their feet and they land on the ground with a hard thud. One left.

Clarke leaps from her crouch and turned to face the last warrior standing, the other 3 warriors already dragged off the ground and out of their way. 

"It's you and me again." Clarke smirks at the burly warrior, blood still seeping out of his wound that she had caused on his cheek. 

"As it seems, my friends needs to undergo more training." The man laughed as he twirls his sword around, ready to defend if she were to attack.

"It has come to my attention that I'm about to kick your ass twice in a row and still not know your name." Clarke smirks.

"Tygo kom Trikru." Tygo answers. "And I will be kicking your ass."

With that, Tygo held his blade with more purpose rather than casually swinging it around and charged towards Clarke.

Clarke could see the fire burning behind his eyes, determined to make her fall. But the pits has trained her well.

Clarke waits till the last second to step out of the way and used the flat of her blade to hit the man in the back of his legs. The man stumbles forward but quickly regained his footing and swung around, hoping to catch the blonde with his outstretched blade but Clarke was gone from the spot. She moved so fast that even Lexa who was watching her intently had to look twice to find her. Clarke had crept along the ground to the other side of the circle and waited for Tygo to be distracted with her disappearing act before running towards him, her bare feet barely making a sound as it travel across the ground. Before Tygo could even find the blonde, he found himself lying on his back. Again. Staring into the sky.

"I told you I'd win." Clarke grinned and turned to the face the audience. "Who wants to help me tie these warriors to the trees?"

The crowd lets out a cheer and they surge forward, lifting the four warriors into the air collectively and headed for the tree line. As the floor clears out, Clarke finds her way to Lexa who stood at the same spot. 

"If you follow me back to your tent, I'd like to show you what I can do with these fingers. And I assure you, it is much much better than what you just witnessed me doing with my hands." The blonde leaned forward to whisper into the brunette's ear.

Lexa swallowed the river of saliva that suddenly gathered in her mouth. 

"Gustus, make sure that no one disturbs me in the tent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really think you will love the next chapter if you know what I mean ;)))


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa becomes one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I wanted it to be good...

Before her eyes could even adjust to the darkness of the tent as the flap to the doorway closes, Lexa was attacked by soft pink lips she only had the privilege of kissing twice. 

"Clarke." Lexa break away from the kiss, panting from the lack of oxygen… and how hot she is right now. 

"Lexa." Bright blue eyes are hidden as Clarke leans her forehead against Lexa's and closed her eyes. They're so close together, it's like they are breathing the same air.

"Are you sure?" 

Blue eyes immediately snapped open and looked into hers, making Lexa shiver slightly from the intensity of the look. 

"Sha Leksa. Shof op and kiss me." 

Lexa grins and did as she was told. She leans forward and connected their lips once again, moving with a newfound fervor. Clarke wants me. 

The girls kept their lips stuck to one another, separating only to remove Clarke's tank top.The next thing Clarke knew, her clothes has been stripped off of her body and lay on the floor of the tent. Lexa pushed her gently towards the bed and tugged her onto her lap and Clarke immediately wrap her legs around Lexa's hips, straddling her. Clarke followed her movements obediently, focusing only on the softness of Lexa's lips. How soft, sweet and just perfect they are. 

"Leksa!" She whisper-shouted as a finger grazes her inner thigh, her body reacting immediately to its presence.

"Klarke." Lexa's lips reclaim their rightful position on her lips, sucking, nipping and grazing occasionally. Clarke moans as heat pulled at her core, causing an ache to form between her legs. As if Lexa knows, she moves her hand closer to her sex and swiped a finger through her soaking folds. The blonde whimpers slightly into the kiss and started grinding her hips down onto Lexa's hand, craving for more. Needing more friction.

"Leksa." She murmurs and the other girl understands. 

A finger slowly slip into her and then another. And its suddenly all too much. Unable to focus enough on the kiss anymore, Clarke tighten her hold around Lexa, resting her chin on the brunette's shoulder as the other girl started sucking on her neck, overwhelming her senses.

The fingers inside her started pumping in and out, moving deeper and deeper each time until they start to hit that sweet spot. Clarke's breath is coming out in pants now, her moans getting louder and louder but she doesn't care. She's just so close, her walls clenching around the long fingers inside her, pulsing painfully and yet so deliciously, needing that small push to bring her over the edge. And of course, Lexa knows. She knows Clarke's body so much better than Clarke herself. The brunette swipe her thumb over the small bundle of nerves, causing the blonde in her arms to jump up from the contact.

"Leksa." Clarke growls and obediently, Lexa pressed the button.

Everything went dark for a moment as a wave of euphoria gushed through her body. Her mouth falls open and her eyes rolled towards the back of her head following the arch of her back. And Lexa doesn't stop. Her fingers continued pumping in and out of her, hitting the small spot inside of her, the pressure on her clit varying from time to time, prolonging her orgasm. And Lexa continues to leave sweet, sweet kisses on her neck, behind her ear, on her lips. 

"Heda! I heard a scream, is everything ok-" Gustus ran into the tent, his eyes widening at the sight of wanheda, bare atop of his Heda's body, her face full of bliss. Gustus flushes red and immediately looked towards the top of the tent.

"Get out." Lexa detach her lips from the delicious skin she was enjoying to shout at the man interrupting her time with her Clarke.

"Sha Heda." Gustus turn and immediately ran out of the tent, the tips of his ear red.

Lexa slows her fingers as she felt Clarke coming down from her high. 

"Leksa." Clarke sighs and pulled her into a kiss. "Was that Gustus?"

"Sha, do not worry, he will not disturb us again." Lexa murmurs against her lips. 

The brunette felt the lips she is so so addicted to curl upwards. "Good. Because it's my turn."

Lexa felt her body being pushed backwards into the bed, her back landing on the soft furs. She watched the blonde move to straddle her again, her deft fingers working on the buckles on her clothes. "And you, my love, are wearing far too many clothes." 

All Lexa could do now was lean back into the bed and pray. She watch the beautiful blonde atop of her, moving so confidently and if the small smirk is anything to go by… God have mercy on me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it goes on to the next chapter too ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Lexa's turn!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I found out that my readers are almost as horny as Clexa. y'all will like the subsequent chapters then ;)

"Open your eyes Lex. I want to see you." Clarke's voice pulled her out of her head. Lexa didn't even know when her eyes had shut. All she was focusing on was the thing that Clarke was doing with her tongue for the third time that day and it is not getting old. 

Lexa's eyes snap open and she tilts her head up slightly in order to look into the bright blue eyes, the owner of which is lying between her legs, and a little bit of Lexa is dripping off the corner of her lips.

"Oh my god, Clarke. Please!" Lexa whined and used her legs to nudge the blonde closer to her core. She is so close, she can feel herself teetering on the edge, her muscles clenched tightly together, craving for the touch that removes all tension, that licks her as clean as possible. Which is really hard considering how wet Lexa always is when she is around the blonde. How very wet.

Clarke chuckles and obliged, moving towards her centre again, never breaking eye contact with Lexa.

The firs lick sent Lexa into a spasm, but she somehow managed to maintain eye contact through half hooded eyes with the girl doing ungodly things to her. A moan escapes her lips and she doesn't care how loud she is being right now, not caring that her army is on the other side of the tent, not caring that the guard who had been with her ever since she was a child stood on the other side of the tent, and could enter anytime he wants. She used her legs to push Clarke's head closer towards her dripping core, but was able to restraint herself enough to ensure she is not suffocating the girl. Her hands found residence on golden blonde hair and she tugs gently.

"Pull as hard as you need to Lexa. I don't mind." Clarke spoke, her lips never moving away from its tasks and the vibration of her words travelled through Lexa's body. The brunette arched her back, reveling in the feeling, her hands pulling a little harder at Clarke's hair. 

Clarke swiped her tongue a few more times, drinking up the juice that she is sure to be leaking out like a broken faucet now, but Lexa needed more to find the release. Her muscles ached, contracting against one another craving for its release. She just needs Clarke to-

It was as if Clarke had read her mind. The next thing she knows, Clarke was sucking on her clit, pushing her off the edge of the cliff she had been hiking for what felt like hours. What was probably hours. Her back arched even further than it was, her eyelids slammed shut and Lexa is 99.9% sure that she passed out at some point. 

She chanted Clarke's name like she was worshipping a goddess, her muscles convulsing as she ride out her orgasm. Clarke continued licking her centre softly, but determined to capture every drop that Lexa is giving her, refusing to let even one drop to go to waste. 

Clarke only stopped when she felt a harder tug at her hair, then she moves up the brunette's body, leaving a trail of kisses over her stomach, up her neck, down that sharp, glorious jawline before claiming the breathless brunette's lips.

"I love you." Clarke whispers.

"I love you so so so much Clarke." Lexa smiles, her eyes a little cloudy, still recovering from the euphoria Clarke had gifted her. 

"I love you more." Clarke grins and nuzzled into Lexa's chest. Her breasts were not large like hers had been but Clarke found them to be so perfect. The one thing that Clarke did not miss since she lost a ton of weight from her captivity in Azgeda was the size of her boobs. They were a hassle. She needed two chest bindings to keep them in place and not jump with every step she took. She knows all too well how her generous size had had hindered her fighting skills. Hell, it almost killed her once, the first week in the pit, she couldn't swing her sword far enough to block the incoming blade because. Of. Her. Fucking. Breasts. She was delighted when they started to shrink by a quarter of its size. 

Clarke's lips found the pink pebbled nipple sitting at the peak of Lexa's breast and she sucked on it, releasing it with a pop before moving to the next.

"Clarke." Lexa whined, arousal clear in her voice but there was something else too. And that something else made Clarke look up. "I love you but I don't think I can have another. You will probably kill me if I do."

"Okay. Let's sleep then." Clarke moves to lay beside Lexa, pulling a discarded fur over their bodies which already have purple bruises forming all over them.

"I'm the big spoon Clarke." Lexa whined as Clarke threw her limbs over Lexa's body.

"Shhh, I'll protect the big, strong commander from the bed bugs tonight. Sleep Lexa." Clarke chuckles and nuzzled her face into the brunettes hair, breathing in the scent of Lexa.

"Just remember; big, strong commander. Ai laik heda."

"Sha heda." Clarke smiles and closed her eyes. 

For the first time months, Clarke could sleep with no nightmares haunting her dreams. No fire burning warriors to death. No watching hundreds of people burn to death from the toxic air. For the first time in months, Clarke was able to sleep peacefully. And it's got little to do with the vigorous activities she had indulged in for the past few hours., and more to do with the warmth of the brunette sleeping with her. Titus is wrong. Love is not weakness. Her love for Lexa has made her so much stronger.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for slow updates!!! It's been a chaotic week...  
> I hope you like this chapter!

Gustus' face is still burning red, even after the tent has long turned silent. He had spent the afternoon glaring at the people who stared for a second too long at Heda's tent, causing them to walk away faster. He had had turned away the guard who turned up for his afternoon shift, not allowing the young boy, barely 18 summers old, to guard heda when she is-

Gustus' face heats up again. It's not that he has never guarded Heda Lexa when she is with a lover, it's that wit Kostia, they were quiet, soft and one wouldn't know what it is they are doing in the tent if it weren't for the heavy pantings. But with Wanheda… Gustus has never heard the word 'jok' as often as he did this afternoon , in his entire life. And it is a very long life. 

\-------------------------------  
Clarke wakes to a face full of brown hair, smelling like Lexa. A smile graces her face as she tightened her arms that were wrapped around the other girl's midsection and breathed in deeply. The smell of wildflowers, pine and wood filled her lungs and she had to force herself to exhale. 

"Good morning Lexa." Clarke murmur into the crook of Lexa's neck.

"Good morning Clarke." Lexa turns her head to look at the blonde, a spark immediately igniting within her eyes.

"Wha-" Clarke started to ask but was interrupted by a soft "Heda" at the tent entrance.

"Sorry." Lexa gives Clarke a apologetic smile.

"It's okay. Our people comes first right?" Clarke arranged the furs around their bodies to make them semi- presentable.

"Enter." Lexa called out after they were decent… as decent as one can be under a pauna's fur.

Gustus ducked under the tent flap to enter, averting his eyes from the two girls in bed. 

"Heda, Abby kom skaikru is here. She is asking to meet with you."

Lexa felt Clarke's body tense up beside her, so she snuck her hand over to the blonde's and lace her fingers tightly between hers.

"Sha, give me a moment to get dressed. Do not mention of Clarke's presence to the chancellor."

"Sha heda." Gustus ducked back out of the tent.

"Clarke?" Lexa turned to the other girl. Clarke's body was wound as tightly as a spring. 

Clarke just shook her head and stared down at the blanket.

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Lexa tried again. It breaks her heart knowing that Clarke is suffering and that she could not help. 

Clarke shakes her head. "It's nothing, its stupid."

"Clarke. If it is affecting you this much, it is not stupid." Lexa rubs her hand over the small of the blonde's back, gently coaxing her to talk.

"It's just… I left them. I left them for months. And not once during those months did I think about going back to them Going back to my mum, bellamy, raven…. I was only thinking about coming back to you." 

Lexa's heart seemed to swell. She was thinking about me. Lexa tried her best to suppress the smile that is forming on her face.

"Clarke. You were busy surviving during those months. Dwelling on the past is not going to feed the present. The question is, do you want to go back now? To go back to your people?" And leave me? The last part Lexa did not voice out. She is helping Clarke, not piling problems onto her.

"I don't know if I want to go back to my people… But I know I don't want to leave you." 

Lexa could not suppress her smile this time. She tugged the blonde into her arms, nuzzling her closer to her.

"Does that make me bad?" Clarke sniffled into her arms.

"No. You are allowed to take time off for yourself. You are allowed to because you have people to take your place, people who are able to lead your people even when you are gone." Lexa rubbed her back. She felt Clarke nod her head in her arms. "I'm. sorry, I need to go meet your mum." Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head.

"Please don't say the word mum when we are naked in bed." Clarke laughed and crawled off of Lexa's lap where she had unconsciously pulled herself onto. "Thank you Lexa." 

"Anytime Clarke." Lexa smiled at her as she pulled her clothes back on.

\------------------------

"Chancellor, why did you call for my presence?" Lexa sauntered into the tent where Abby stood waiting. She was accompanied by Bellamy and Kane. The chancellor's hair looked thinner, her face hollow from stress and lack of sleep. 

"Commander. Thank you for meeting us. I would have sent word in advance but it is a matter with a degree of urgency." Abby looked up at the commander in her throne. She sat upon her throne, toying with the dagger in her hands while indra and Gustus stood behind her.

"Speak."

"Arkadia is under attack. We do not know by who, or why. But our young are being taken from their beds in the middle of the night. Hunters sent out to bring back food return dead. Multiple arrows are embedded in their skin." Bellamy stepped forward with an arrow in his hands. Indra immediately collected it and passed it to Lexa who place her dagger down and inspected the arrow. "My people are in distress, afraid and hungry. No food has been brought back thus far aside from small rabbits. But that is not enough to feed hundreds. We need your help."

Lexa did not answer, instead twirling the arrow in her hands. The arrow bear wood as white as snow, fine feathers of white doves and an arrow head made from rock. All of these can only be found in one section of the lands. 

"Indra, send barrels of food, food that we can afford to spare, to Arkadia. Send 3 hunters as well as 2 healers." Lexa commanded. "Abby, if I send warriors to protect your people, will you provide them with food, shelter, beds and safety?" 

"Yes." Abby nodded her head, determinance and shock clear in her eyes.

"Indra, select 15 warriors to go on the trip too. You are to follow them as general. Ensure that everything goes smoothly, I'll go over in 2 days." 

"Sha heda." Indra bowed and stride out of the tent.

"Thank you. For you generosity. Do you know who the attackers are?" Abby bowed her head slightly.

"Azgeda."


	16. Chapter 16

"What does my mum want?" Clarke asked, hiding in the tent, out of side of her mum.

"Arkadia is under attack from Azgeda." Lexa stated simply, shrugging out of the pauldron.

"What?" Clarke jumped to her feet from the bed she's been lounging on. "What happened?"

"The young are taken in the night, and hunters ends up dead when they stepped into the forest. I sent over food, healers, warriors to help them." Lexa sighed as she finally stripped down to her tank top and pants, rolling her shoulders a little.

"Oh… thank you." Clarke moved towards her and started rubbing her shoulders for her.

"It's my job as commander Clarke. There is no need to thank me." Lexa moans softly as the knots in her shoulders are rubbed out and smoothened.

"Actually, my people are not part of the coalition. So, there is a need to thank you." Clarke leans forward to press a kiss to Lexa's cheek, her lips hesitating for a moment before pulling away. Something that Lexa noticed, of course.

"What's wrong?" Lexa turned around to face Clarke, her fingers lifting the blonde's face to look at her in the eye.

"I just… What is Azgeda is looking for me? Nia let me go but she changed her mind and wants me back? What if the reason Arkadia is under attack is because of me?" Clarke's eyes began to fill with tears, her eyes flitting around Lexa's face, looking for reassurance that she is not the cause of the problem.

"That is a possibility Clarke." Lexa breathed out and watched Clarke's face crumble. "But it is not your fault. Nia went back on her word. Don't blame yourself for what Nia is doing Clarke." Lexa kissed the tears leaking from the blonde's eyes.

"I should go back to my people. If I am the one that Nia is looking for, maybe she will stop the attacks when she finds me." Clarke whimpered. "I can't be a liability to anyone anymore."

"Clarke." Lexa pushed her a little so that she can look at her in the eye. "Don't ever say that. You are not a liability.You will never be a liability to anyone Clarke." Green eyes searched blue ones for a sign of understanding, to make sure that Clarke is listening to her. "If you think that you need to go back to your people, I won't stop you. But please, don't go back to get captured again by Nia. Don't go back if that is your motive. I just got you back, I can't lose you again Clarke. I can't lose you again." Pictures of Costia's head in the brown sack are conjured up in Lexa's head, and her hands starts to shake. "Please don't."

"Lexa." This time, it was Clarke who lifted Lexa's face. "Lexa, I will always come back to you. You can't shake me off that easily. And I'm sorry, but I have to go back."

"I know, you have to go back to your people. That’s why I-." Lexa gulps, trying to keep her emotions in check. "That's why you are you." 

Clarke stared at her, her blue eyes searching for something within her own. "I love you Lexa." She whispers, then pulling Lexa into her arms, connecting their lips. 

A tear fell down Lexa's face as she kissed Clarke, tasting the flavour of her mouth which is always sweet and warm. Clarke loves me. Clarke loves me just like I do. 

Clarke pulls away from her and kissed the salty track down her face away as soon as she spotted it. 

"And I promise, I will always do my best to return to you. To return to your side as soon as possible." Lexa nods. Uncertainty still in her eyes, but she knows that that's as good a promise as Clarke can make. 

"And I will always be waiting for you." 

Clarke smiles and leaned forward to kiss her again, her hands grabbing at her clothes, but Lexa moved away.

"Wait for a second." Lexa chuckles as Clarke gave her a small pout but settled on the bed.

Lexa steps outside of her tent to find Gustus guarding the entrance.

"Gustus, would it make you more comfortable if you guard me from a certain distance away?" Lexa asked the gigantic man before her, her eyebrows rising amusedly as the tips of Gustus' ears burned red.

"Sha heda." The man cleared his throat.

"Go on then. Thank you Gustus."

"Thank you Heda…" he looked down at Lexa, the menacing look on his face replaced by a soft smile. "And I'm glad you found her."

"Me too." Lexa returns his smile and reentered the tent while Gustus moved a few feet away… Not that it really helps.

\---------------------------

"Why am I always the bottom" Lexa gasps as Clarke pushed a knee between her legs, and her mouth assaulted her chest.

"You rule the kingdom outside the tent, but I rule the kingdom inside." Lexa could feel the smirk appearing on Clarke's face as her mouth took in a hardened nipple.

"Oh my.. Clarke!" Lexa's fingers scratched against Clarke's back as the blonde rolled her nipple in her hot HOT mouth with her tongue, before releasing it with a loud pop. Without rest, Clarke travelled to the neglected bud, giving it the same treatment, leaving Lexa panting, hot and wet beneath her.

"You are beautiful." Clarke whispered, pushing her knee against her, and Lexa scratched at Clarke's back more desperately. 

"Jok! Clarke please!" Lexa grinds her hips onto the knee, craving for the pressure that Clarke refuses to give her.

Clarke kissed her way to her pulse point in her neck, sucking on it, gentle enough to not leave a mark, and grazing her teeth against her skin. "Come for me Lex." Clarke murmurs into her neck, while moving her knee in small circles and added pressure. 

At Clarke's words, Lexa's body gave way, releasing all the tension stored within her muscles, her back arching and her mouth formed a perfect O.

Clarke continued to grind her knee against her centre, prolonging her high, and busied her mouth with the patch of skin at her neck. 

"Jok klarke." Lexa sighs as she got back her brain function.

Clarke said nothing but moved southwards where she's dripping from her orgasm, a smirk on her face. Lexa looked down and almost came from the sight of Clarke between the apex of her thigh itself. 

Clarke licked her once, then twice, slowly and agonisingly, her teeth 'accidentally' grazing the nerve bundle. If clarke had managed to lick her dry, she is going to have to do it again because Lexa is dripping… again. Clarke circled her tongue over her centre, then poked it through her folds, delving deeper into her. A lick. Suck. A lick. Suck. The sequence continued repeatedly and all Lexa could do was grab at Clarke's hair, tugging at it, encouraging her to continue.

"Klarke.." Lexa panted.

Clarke read the neediness in her voice and she obliged. She moved her mouth a degree towards the north and latched onto the pulsing bud and sucked. Almost immediately, Lexa spiraled into the abyss again, her eyes rolling towards the back of her head as she lost herself into her most powerful orgasm yet.

"Heda, before I leave I-- Clarke?!" An intruder entered the tent, her eyes landing on the two girls in a rather… compromising position. 

Clarke jumped up from her position between Lexa's legs and pulled a larghe fur over her and a Lexa who could barely comprehend anything that is going on around her, still recovering from the orgasm. 

Clarke looked up at the intruder, swiping her hand across her face regretfully wiping away the sweetest juice she has ever tasted. 

"Mum?" Clarke's face burned red as she looked at the older woman she had not seen for months… And this is how they finally meet.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meet abby :)

Abby headed towards the biggest tent in the village, obviously the commander's tent. She heard voices inside the tent, but her brows furrowed as she see no guard. Isn't the commander always guarded? If she is in the tent, why are there no guards?

Abby shook her head slightly and just entered the tent, the commander did say to look for her in the tent if she needs anything. She had forgotten to ask if it is possible to set up trade routes with the other clans, to assist her people in obtaining stuff that they are unable to make themselves, such as medicine, herbs. 

"Commander, before I leave I-" Abby searched the tent for the Lexa, before landing on the bed where Lexa laid bare, her back arching slightly off of the bed, and another body situated between her legs, her face hidden. Abby moved to turn around but her eyes caught onto a head of blonde hair, one which no grounders or Arkers possess except for one. "Clarke?"

The body jumped up and Abby knows she should look away, to give them some privacy at least, but she was frozen. A second later, the girl had drawn a rather large fur over her nad the commander's body, hiding them from her view. But abby can finally see the face of the blonde girl. 

Clarke swiped a hand over her face which was glistening with… oh. Then turned to glare at her, but her face immediately fell as she looked at Abby.

"Mum?"

Right then, the tent doorway burst open and the man who always stood behind Lexa entered, his eyes looking anywhere and everywhere but the bed. 

"I'm sorry Wanheda. I went too far and couldn't stop the chancellor from entering." Gustus panted.

"It's okay, leave us." Clarke waved the man off and he obliged.

"Clarke, is it really you?" Abby took a step to move forward but Clarke held a hand up.

"Mum? Could you give us a moment? I'll meet you outside okay?" Clarke struggled to hold the fur up to her chest and to cover Lexa who is still returning to the real world.

"Yes. Of course." Abby flushed red and all but ran out of the tent.

\---------------------------

"That did not just happened." Clarke hid her face in her hands.

"Was that..?" Lexa pulled the blonde into her chest, holding her tight, eyes flickering to the doorway.

"My mum, whom I did not see for months on end, walked in on me eating you out." Clarke nodded.

"Shit." Lexa tried to wrap her head around the situation, but her thoughts are still all over the place and she is trying to piece everything back together.

"I love it when you use Skaikru slang." Clarke chuckles, hiding her face into the crook of Lexa's neck.

"You are a bad influence." Lexa shakes her head.

"Come on, mum is waiting outside to see us…. Preferably dressed." Clarke clambers out of bed. And started searching for her clothes strewn all over the tent.

"Hang on, we are not finished." Lexa pulls the blonde back into bed, her fingers finding her centre immediately. "I don't do things and not see them through Clarke." Lexa murmurs into her ear. Clarke sat on Lexa's lap, her head thrown backwards over Lexa's shoulder. She thought her arousal was gone as soon as her mum had stepped in but Lexa and those fingers… with a few swipes, Clarke is drenched again. Lexa kissed Clarke's neck as her fingers plunged into her wet folds, finding her g-spot immediately, while she moved her other hand to caress Clarke's breasts.

"Jok Lexa!" Clarke cursed as she came as soon as Lexa pressed onto her little bud.

"That's fast." Lexa smirked, kissing her once more before releasing her from her hold.

"Shut up. I watched you come twice. And your fingers are so fucking long." Clarke blushed as she clambered off of Lexa's lap and resumed the task of looking for her clothings.

"Don't worry, I'll make your next one last." Lexa smirked as she pulled on her shirt that Clarke threw to her.

"That's a promise." Clarke smiled, as she pulled on her pants.

\--------------------------

"Mum." Clarke entered the empty tent where her mother paced about.

"Clarke! You are okay." Abby stride towards Clarke and grabbed her face, gently of course, in her hands, her eyes searching for any open wounds that she could see. 

"I'm okay." Clarke scanned her mum. Her face looked hollowed in, eyebags hanging beneath her eyes. She looked thinner and much more tired. "Mum are you eating and sleeping? You look… exhausted."

"I'm fine. Being a healer and chancellor leaves me no time to sleep as much as I would like." Abby waved her daughter's observation away. Truth is, she is afraid of sleeping. Her dreams always have Jake and Clarke blaming her for not doing anything right. Not doing things well enough. So she buried herself in work, making excuses to not sleep, which in turn made her lose her appetite. "What about you? You've lost so much weight. Where have you been Clarke? Why are you here and not home? Are they keeping you from returning to us?" Abby growled, eyes flickering to Lexa who had entered the tent with Clarke, now redressed in her formal commander attire and face stoic, devoid of all emotions. 

"No mum, it's a long story. I'll tell you about it next time. For now, Lexa told me about whatis happening at Arkadia." Clarke tried to stir the conversation from her to anything else.

"Yes, we don't know why they are taking our children, but we are guessing that they are killing our hunters to weaken us, make us an easier target to attack." Abby sighed.

"They are taking the children because they do not have any." Clarke sighed, rubbing her forehead.

"What?" Both abby and Lexa spoke at once. Lexa walked forward to be a part of the small group that they form.

"When I was in the pits, I heard the guards talking. The winters are brutal in Azgeda. The cold killing many babies, newborns, infants, even the fetus. The fetus are born stillborn, the womb too cold for them to develop properly, the infants die as soon as an hours after birth, the blankets and fire not enough to keep them warm. Same to the babies. Without babies, they lose a whole generation of soldiers. And Azgeda loves war. They would never let their numbers fall so fast. So they took the young from other clans. Arkadia is the smartest choice, considering we are not part of the coalition yet, and our defenses are weakened as our army is still recovering from the impact of the mountain." Clarke stated matter of factly.

"The pits?" Abby asked, her brows furrowing with worry.

"A story for another time mum, I'm fine though. I promise." Clarke smiled softly. "The question is, what are we going to do now?" 

Clarke and Abby turned towards Lexa simultaneously.

"We have Arkadia join the coalition." Lexa stated simply. "Then when Nia attacks Arkadia, we have the excuse to attack Azgeda. Full force. Even with the decreasing numbers of Azgeda army, Azgeda has the largest army of all 12 nations. 13 including Arkadia." 

"Hold on, what would joining the coalition mean for us?" Abby glared at Lexa.

"Almost everything will remain the same. You will have the same leadershhip system you have in place, your people may have their own set of traditions and live life their own ways. I only ask that you send an ambassador to Polis to represent you clan, as well as for your clan to follow a set of rules; including but not limited to: if murder is committed by your clan to a member of another, the responsible one will be executed by a death of a thousand cuts, and his or her body to be sent to the clan who suffered the lost of. When I call for your army to attack for whatever purpose, you are obligated to send as many as you can spare to aid me. If another clan is suffering from crop loss or an illnes, you will send resources that you can spare and healers to aid the clan. Of course, these will work vice versa. The other clans will have to support you too."

Abby nods her head, the terms sounds reasonable enough.

"Wait. Would the other clans support your decision to include us in the coalition?" Clarke spoke up.

"I would have to call a meeting to find out. But considering that your people have the weapons of the mountain as well as advanced knowledge medically and technologically, I believe that they will accept you inclusion into the coalition with little to no objection. Especially since you are in Arkadia." Lexa looked pointedly at Clarke. Clarke nods her head.

"What has this got to do with Clarke?" Worry was evident in Abby's voice as she clenched her fists and glared at Lexa.

"All the clans knows the power that Wanheda holds. Few would dare to oppose wanheda, and most would welcome wanheda to join their side, especially if a war is going to occur."

"Wanheda?" This time, confusion laced Abby's words.

" The commander of death." Clarke answered for Lexa.

Abby choked at the words and Clarke immediately rectify her mistake.

"It's not all bad mum. It means that I have the power to call death away from the dying, or to call death upon those deserving. The fact that I am a healer and I brought down the mountain, the grounders… we accepted wanheda as my title." Clarke reassured her mother. 

Lexa nods her head along to Clarke's words. She knows that Clarke learnt a little of trigadaslang, but did not know that word of wanheda had spread to her. To say she was shocked is an understatement..

"Aright… I have to discuss the terms with my people first." Abby looked up at Lexa again.

"I understand. I will have my messenger send you the terms of the coalition to make things clearer." Lexa nods.

Abby pursed her lips, wondering if she should ask the question that has been on her mind for awhile now. Clarke and Lexa stood side y side, watching her patiently and silently. Unable to hold it in anymore, Abby just asked. "What's going on between the two of you?"

Clarke blushed and turned her face away, hiding it in Lexa's shoulder. She knew her mother is going to bring it up soon. For a doctor, she has very little patience.

"Mum…" Clarke whined. 

"I saw you between her legs Clarke. I deserve the right to know." This time, even Lexa was not able to keep her cheeks from reddening. She clears her throat, looking everywhere else but at Abby, trying to search for a way out.

Clarke lifted her head and lexa immediately looked down, green eyes meeting blue ones. She read the question in Clarke's eyes and gave her a nod.

Clarke sighed and turned to face her mother who was waiting with an expectant look on her face. 

"I love her mum… I really do."

"And I love her too chancellor." Lexa fr=orced her eyes to meet Abby's, feeling herself shrinking from the big bad commander to a mere girl meeting her lover's parents. 

"Good." Abby smiles. "Just… take care of her Lexa." 

Lexa nods, holding onto clarke just a little tighter. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 chapters in 2 days woohoo. Because I don't know when I will have time to write next week, so I decided to spam you guys. Hope you like it ;D


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bonus Clexa scene because why not?

"I'll see you soon mum." Clarke hugged her mother tightly, breathing in the scent that she had missed. 

"May we meet again." Abby ran her fingers through Clarke's blonde hair, trying to ignore the way Clarke's body is feeling much more bonier than she had remembered.

"We will." Clarke squeezed Abby a little tighter before letting her go. "You should go now, you should not waste anymore daylight. Traveling in the dark is dangerous. Even with Indra and her warriors following you."

"Who's the mother now?" Abby smiled, but turned away to her horse that Lexa had given her.

Clarke retreats back to Lexa's side, trying to keep her distance because after all, Lexa is the commander and they should try to hide their relationship. Unbeknown to the two girls, the entire village, and then some, had heard of their session in the tent together.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked as they watch the little party trot off to Arkadia.

"Yea, I'll see them soon anyways right?" Clarke smiled.

"Yes, in a day or two." Lexa nodded.

"Okay… now if I remember correctly, I was promised something." Clarke smirked at Lexa who blushed a little, which makes Clarke fall in love more with the woman beside her. 

"Lead the way." Lexa nods at her and Clarke obliged, weaving her way through villagers to the tent that sat right in the middle of the village. 

As the villagers watched them go, they all shared a small smile. It has been to long since they saw their commander smile like that. 

\------------------------------

"Lexa!" Clarke growled as she stilled her finger a third time inside of Clarke. By now, Clarke was dripping, her juice leaking onto the furs beneath her. Clarke tried to shift her hips against Lexa's fingers to relieve some of the pressure at least. "Lexa please." 

Lexa nods, her mouth busy sucking onto a harden nipple. 

She speeds up the pace of her finger, adding another one in, and then another, making clarke moan a little too loudly. But neither of them cared. Just as Clarke thought she would finally reach her peak, Lexa began to slow down her fingers again.

"That's just cruel Lex." Clarke breathed out. Lex smirked and released her nipple with a pop, moving to kiss her body instead. Then she sped up her fingers, with no intension of stopping this time. Clarke whined, moaned and panted, moving her body along with the rhythm of Lexa's fingers, and Lexa detached her mouth from Clarke's body and watched her begin to unravel. She watched with fascination as her breasts bounced with every movement she made. Sure they have gotten smaller, but they are still relatively big. Bigger than Lexa's at least, and Lexa loves them. Clarke panted and whined, her eyes squeezed shut, still needing a little extra push to reach the edge. 

"I got you Clarke. I got you." Lexa whispered and curled her fingers. Clarke gasps, and her muscles clenched around Lexa's fingers, her body arching like it never had before, and her eyes rolled backwards as wave after wave of her came. Lexa moved down her body and lapped up as much of her juice as possible, unwilling to waste even a single drop, while she continued to move her fingers inside of Clarke, bringing her down from her high.

She felt a weak tug at her hair, and she reluctantly left the source of Clarke's essence and pulled her fingers out of her. Too sensitive. She gets it. She's the same, after almost every orgasm that Clarke gave her.

"Hi." Lexa murmured as she got to face level with Clarke.

"Hi." Clarke smiled at her tiredly.

"Sleep clarke." Lexa brush a few strands of blonde hair off of Clarke's face. "It's been a long day for you and it will be a longer day tomorrow."

"Okay." Clarke sighed and tugged Lexa down beside her.

"Oh? You are letting me be the big spoon tonight?" Lexa grinned as Clarke wrapped Lexa's arms around her midsection.

"Shut up and spoon me Lex. Then maybe I'll forgive you for what you did to me back there."

"Forgive me for giving you the best orgasm ever?" Lexa smirked, then got whacked in the face by Clarke's hand.

"Shof op." Clarke grumbles, her eyes drooping close already.

"Ai hod yu in." Lexa whispered into the night air, not surprised that clarke is already asleep. Instead she just closed her eyes and fell asleep to the beating of Clarke's heart.

I will never let you go again.

\------------------------------------

Clarke was first to wake, her eyes opening to a still dark tent. She took a deep breath but frowned as something was weighing down on her chest. She looked down and let out a small laugh.

"What's going on?" Lexa wakes behind her, her words drawling together as she straddles the line between dream land and reality.

"Your hand found a new home." Clarke smirked. 

Lexa frowned, not quite understanding. She squeezed her hands and chuckled when Clarke let out a small gasp. 

"Yes, my hands like the girls very much." Lexa grinned and squeezed Clarke's breasts once more. In the middle of the night, her hands had somehow seeked sanctuary at Clarke's chest. Not that she is complaining, because they feel rather damn good. 

"I'm glad they do." Clarke laughs.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for long wait!!!

Clarke fidgets on her horse again. She can never seem to get comfortable on this damn thing. The horse she is sitting upon grunts and if it was at all possible, seemed to make its back curvy to make her more uncomfortable.

"Are you okay Clarke?" Lexa watched her, amused.

"Oh shof op. It's been awhile since I got on a horse." Clarke mumbled.

"Well, if you feel well enough later on, I'll let you practice your riding skills on my face later on." Lexa whispered, her voice low enough that only Clarke could hear what she said. 

Clarke blushed, heat starting to pool below her belly, and she tried her best to stop a moan from escaping her mouth as the horse trotted, the saddle hitting her right there.

"Lexa!" Clarke swatted the girl beside her, trying not to picture herself sitting on Lexa's face. God it's not working, blood continued to rush downwards, and she had to shift again. Ironically, not because she's uncomfortable, but more like she's too comfortable and if she didn't move, her saddle will have a stain. She glared at Lexa who wore a smirk on her face, and wanted to scold her further but Gustus came between them.

"Heda, Wanheda." Clarke could swore the man's ears turned red.

"Gustus." Clarke nods her head, and fell back, giving the two some space. After all, she is an outsider.

"Wanheda!" A man trotted up to her, a wide smile on his face. "Wanheda, thank you for bringing the mountain down. The mountain took my brother and sister, my parents as well. They can now rest in peace, even though their body was never burnt, they can rest in peace knowing that our people are no longer hiding in the shadow of the mountain. For that, thank you." The man spoke, struggling a little with Gonaslang.

"I'm glad it helps." Clarke responds in Trigadaslang, giving the man a small smile. His eyes widen, before a full blown smile spread across his face.

"My name is Trikish kim Trikru, I was part of Lexa's guards, but I've been reassigned to serve you for the moment." The man smiled at her again. Clarke decided that she likes this guy. 

"Trikish, please call me Klarke." Clarke nods her head and beamed.

"Sha Klarke." Trikish smiled at her and they continued the rest of the journey, sharing stories and laughter. 

Lexa turns back, looking for the head of blonde hair that she had grown to adore… love. A smile grows on her face as she watched Clarke mingling with her warriors, trading smiles and laughter.

"You really love her don't you?" Gustus looked at Lexa.

"I really do… but" Lexa turned to face forward again, the pathment getting wider as they near Arkadia.

"You are worried about Nia."

"I just don't want what happened to Kostia to happen to Klarke too. Nia already caught her once and she came back to us barely alive. Even that was when Nia does not know about my feelings for her. When Nia finds out and manages to capture Klarke again.. I fear that she will not even come back again."

"That will not happen to Klarke. Nia is planning something, it is just a matter of time before Nia goes overboard and we have a reason to take her down." Gustus looked at the concerned girl he watched grew up. "Don't give up on her Lexa."

Lexa nods, and the conversation ends as they approached the gates of Arkadia. 

Clarke rides up to Lexa's side who wiped all emotion off of her face. The gates grunts open, courtesy of the men at the top of the tower, allowing them to enter. A crowd started to gather by the side of the gate as people left their tasks to watch the newcomers enter the camp. Clarke flips her hood up, and tug it down on her face, not having the mood to meet her friends… not that she doesn’t love them, she does, it's just that they are going to expect a story. A story of what happened to her, where she's been and as usual, the ending of 'im sorry'. But the truth is she isn't sorry. She isn't sorry that she left, because she needed time to get her head back together. Even if that is being done freezing and fighting to save her life in Nia's pits, so be it.   
They trot to the centre of the camp and dismounted their horse. Abby and Kane step forward to meet them, the former frowning as Clarke tilted her head a little more when she spot Bellamy and Octavia standing behind Abby.

"Commander, thank you for coming. It's been a long ride for you and your party, shall we convene the meeting tomorrow morning instead?" Lexa nods, it is a full day's ride from TonDC to Arkadia. Even though they set out at first light, the sun is already preparing to descend upon the mountains again. 

"Yes, tomorrow at first light."

"Feel free to help yourself to food and water, your people may set up your tents inside the gate, or take up some of the empty rooms we have in the Ark." Abby gestures to the large block of metal behind here, where Clarke had once called home. Now, she couldn't bear to even think of entering that cold, metallic coffin. Abby's eyes flickered to Clarke, as if expecting her to take up residency in her old bedroom again. But when Clarke gave no sign of acknowledging her presence, Abby just gave the commander a smile and retreat back to the Medbay, where she spent most of her time at.

"Klarke?" Lexa whispered to the figure beside her.

"Tent." 

Lexa nods and gave a few commands to her men, offering them the same choices that Abby had given her, but not to her surprise, all of them decided to spend the time and effort to set up their tents instead of the cold, grey rooms of the Sky people. 

Lexa and Clarke's tent were quickly set up, especially since her people refuse to let her set up her own tent, and they disappeared into the safety of the draping cloth. As soon as they are in, Clarke shrug off her cloak and looked up into the bright green eyes that is staring at her in concern.

"Hi." Clarke smiled.

"Are you planning to hide from your people throughout the time we spend here?" Lexa smirked at Clarke.

"No… Just for tonight. I can't handle the interrogation after the ride here. My muscles are sore." Clarke whined.

"Come on, I know a hot spring nearby. We can clean up there, wash off the sweat and some of the sores." Lexa gathered a few clothings into a satchel, not commenting on Clarke's words, which she was grateful for. She just can't do it right now. And a warm bath sounds perfect. Especially when it's with Lexa.

They duck out of the tent and snuck out towards the spring, Gustus and Trikish following behind them. Their feet glided across the forest floor, barely making any noise. A trick Clarke learnt in the pits. 'The warrior's walk' as her neighbour had called it. She owe her life to the woman who lived beside her. She taught Clarke tricks of fighting when they were both in their cells, trying her best to instruct her on how to do every trick verbally, being unable to show Clarke through the wall that seperates them. She was gone 2 months after Clarke arrived. Killed by a large warrior who was too quick for the weakened woman. Clarke only saw her once. When her dead body was carried to the ground to be burnt. She was about Clarke's age, her face seemingly peaceful and at ease, even as the lights of the flames flashes on her face.

"Clarke." Lexa's gentle voice jerked Clarke out of her thoughts which are getting darker by the second. Blue eyes met green ones, and all tension drained out of Clarke's body.

"Sorry." Clarke gave her a weak smile as they trudged towards the stream.

"What were you thinking about?" Lexa asked, concern clear in her voice. Clarke hesistates, unsure if she should answer or just leave it be.

"When I was in Azgeda." Clarke whispers, Lexa immediately tensed and pulled clarke towards her even though that made walking much more complicated.

"You don’t have to talk about it if you don't want to." Lexa told her in a soft voice, and that somehow made Clarke ready. Ready to tell Lexa.

She shook her head. "There was a woman in the cell beside mine. Somehow she knew that I do not know how to fight, I'm guessing she saw my body build when the guards dragged me towards my cell and she guessed. My first night there, I awoke from a nightmare, screaming and crying. She did not tell me to shut up, instead she sang me a song; a lullaby of sorts to calm me down and help me sleep." Clarke smiled a little at the memory, and she felt Lexa squeeze her shoulder. "She taught me everything I know now. everyday, when the both of us are in our cell, she would teach me trigadeslang. I would tell her a word which she translates for me and I repeat it back in a sentence. She taught me how to fight. The process was pretty painstaking since we could only hear each other, but she tried her best, describing each twist and turn as best as she could, giving me small tips like to wait for the warrior to strike then dodge it and sneak up behind them, ending the fight instantly. That's how she taught me to walk silently too." Clarke started to choke up as she talked about everything. 

"What happened to her?" Lexa asked, somehow knowing that Clarke needs to say it out loud.

"She died. Killed in the pits by a Sankru warrior." Clarke whimpered. "That was the first time I saw her. She was carried out of the pits by an Azgeda guard, blood soaking her body. But it was a quick death. A sstab through the heart."

Lexa nods, squeezing Clarke's shoulder again, reminding her that she in there.

"Her name was Helena. Helena kom Floukru."

"Ha gonplei stei odon." Lexa nods, holding Clarke closer to her body, trying to give as much comfort as she could. 

\-----------------------------

They finally reached the spring, Gustus and Trikish standing a little way inside the forest, giving the girls privacy yet protection.

They left their clothes on the shore before wadding in.

"It's hot!" Clarke yelped as she stuck a toe in.

"That's the point of a hot spring Clarke." Lexa laughed, but still winced as she entered the water. "Clarke?" She turned around when Clarke did not follow her in. The blonde was standing in the same spot, just staring at Lexa.

"Sorry. It's just… you are distracting." Clarke gave her a smirk. Lexa just rolled her eyes and waited as Clarke finally entered the water.

"Come here." Lexa pulls Clarke towards her, creating small waves in the water. Clarke puckered her lips expectantly but Lexa just laughed. "Not that." She spun Clarke around so that her back is facing Lexa. Clarke started letting out noises of displeasure, but stopped as Lexa's hands found her shoulders. Within nanoseconds, Clarke went from whining to letting out moans of pleasure. "Clarke, Gustus and Trikish are going to think we are having sex." Lexa laughed as Clarke called out her name.

"Oh but this is so much better than sex." Clarke sighs as another knot got undone from her shoulders.

Lexa's eyebrows rose, slightly offended. "I don’t think you are remembering very well." She whispered into Clarke's ear as she moved a hand southwards and cupped Clarke eliciting a gasp from the blonde. "Do you need a reminder?" 

Clarke gulped. "Lexa, if you do that, you are going to have to carry me back to camp because my legs will not be able to hold me up after a day of riding and that."

"That's not going to be a problem." Lexa kissed down Clarke's neck while moving slow circles with her fingers.

"lexa…" Clarke moaned, willing herself to have enough willpower to pull away from the irresistable girl.

"Clarke… Just say no and I will stop." Lexa smirked, and to prove her point her fingers stilled. Clarke lets out a small whine, betraying her.

"Lexa… no." Clarke managed to force out. Lexa immediately dropped her hand from where it was cupping Clarke. "I was promised a ride tonight, I'll have to save some energy." Clarke turned around and kissed Lexa hard on the lips. "Unless you are too tired of course." 

Lexa's eyes widen as she remembered teasing Clarke. "No. I look forward to it." 

"Good." Clarke spun Lexa around so that she can knead her back, repaying the favour.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, I have a writers block... the words don't line up as I want them to :(

Clarke wakes before Lexa, her arms wrapped securely around the brunette who was still worn out by the previous day's activity… and night. She leans up onto her elbow so that she is looking over Lexa's shoulder. Her face is soft and so so beautiful. A smile spreads over Clarke's face as she dream of the possibility of having Lexa forever, waking up next to her for the rest of her life. All of a sudden, a pang hit her. 

She can never have Lexa can she? Lexa can promise, can say that she will try to the best of her abilities to keep Clarke safe, to never betray her again, but they both know that that is not true. That Lexa's duty is always to her people first. And when it comes to it, Lexa will betray her again. They both know that when it comes down to it, to 3 months ago, Lexa will make the same choice she did. Her people always comes first, and Clarke second. Not just Clarke, Costia too. A hot tear rolled down Clarke's cheek, leaving behind a salty trail. No matter what Clarke tells herself, she knows that she will not be able to survive it if Lexa were to betray her again. If Lexa were to leave her standing alone at the enemy's feet again, even if what Lexa is doing is what they both know is the right thing.

Lexa's eyes flutter open as the tear drips from Clarke's face to Lexa's shoulder. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Lexa asked, turning to look at the bright blue eyes that never seem to dull. 

Clarke shakes her head. "Nothing…. Just, we won't be able to do this as often once I return to my people."

Lexa chuckles. "We just woke up and you missed me already?"

Clarke blushes, pushing away all the depressing thoughts that overwhelmed her. She'll deal with that later. Right now, she has Lexa lying right next to her, and she is going to treasure every moment of it. 

"Ai hod yu in" Clarke whispers to Lexa, placing small, careful kisses along the jaw that she loves, figuring that if she accidentally cut her lips on that sharp jaw, it'll be worth it.

Lexa smiles and used her finger to tilt Clarke's head up, pressing her lips to hers while her knee shifted upwards…. Oh so worth it.

\---------------------

"Gustus." Abby nods to Lexa's guard at the entrance of the commander's tent.

"Chancellor." Gustus bowed slightly, showing his respect to the heda of the sky people.

"May I enter? I'd like to meet the commander before we enter the official meeting with the rest of Skykru." 

Gustus' lips turned up slightly as Abby tried to use trig to pronounce the sky people's name. "Skaikru." He corrected. "Wait here." Gustus slips beneath the tent flap, keeping his eyes trained on the ground.

"Heda, Abby kom Skaikru is waiting outside." Gustus reports.

"I'll be right out. Thank you Gustus." he heard heda call out. With a nod, he left the tent and relayed the message to Abby.

Lexa clip her pauldron into place, smiling a little as Clarke step forward to adjust it to fit her shoulder better. She stared into deep blue eyes, pupils ilated as the tent filtered out most of the sunlight. 

"Leksa." Clarke murmured, and that one word conveyed so many things. 

'It will be awhile before we can do this again'

'I have to return to my people now'

'I miss you'

'I love you'

Lexa sighs, trying to hold back tears. "I know." She leans down to give Clarke a kiss… A parting kiss. "Until next time." She whispers, staring at Clarke's hooded eyelids, pressing their forehead together. 

"Until next time." Clarke repeats and with a brace, Lexa steps backwards and towards civilisation where she needs to talk to the Chancellor.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for long wait guys!

Lexa stood in a metal cabin, the cold edges of metal surrounding all four walls is putting her off her edge. She ignores the uncomfortable feeling and instead tried to focus on Abby and the words spewing out of her mouth. She couldn't stop her mind from flickering back to the blonde who had opted to stay behind in the tent, needing the few more hours before finally coming out to meet her people. Abby's mouth continues moving and Lexa vaguely processed the information in her head, filing away the important details with Indra standing by her side, listening to every word that Abby is spewing, she is not worried of missing something crucial. Indra understands what to do, trained from experience when Lexa was simply too tired and drained from battles and travels to listen to official meetings she was forced to attend. If needed, she could always have Indra repeat what Abby wants later on.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" A loud voice stopped Abby from continuing her proposal. The entire group looked around, trying to figure out where the voice is coming from. Lexa purse her lips. Who the hell do not have windows? It’s the basic infrastructure rule. Windows.

"CLARKE WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE HERE?" the voice yelled out again and this time Lexa jumped into action. Upon hearing the blonde's name, her heart thumped in her chest, fearing for the worst. Her limbs worked on their own accord. Long legs scaling the metal corridor, barely making a sound despite the metal flooring, her fingers wrapped tightly around the blade she had by her side. She retraced her steps taken when she was brought in by Kane and Abby, blood pounding in her ears, her cloak bellowing out behind her forcing residents of the Ark to squeeze to the side to make way from the commander. The time taken to escape the metal infrastructure was too long.

Lexa felt like she could finally breathe as her boots met dirt again, her eyes flitting around the campsite trying to look for the blonde. Her heart melts with relief as she spots the familiar sight of blonde hair standing by her tent, bu immediately steeled up again when she sees what was being held in front of her.

The metal object held by the mountain men, and skaikru has killed thousands of her people including her mentor, Anya. Lexa's legs pumped even faster trying to reach the blonde's side.

"You need to stay away from us you hear me? Everything that you have a hand in results in the death of hundreds of people at once." the brunette, Octavia, standing in front of Clarke yelled, her voice full of anger. "Nothing good ever comes from what you did, people die because of you Clarke. We finally got peace when you walked away from us after killing yet another civilisation of people. People who had helped us." Lexa's heart cracked. She is not getting there fast enough and the words spilling from Octavia's mouth were words of anger but it is breaking Clarke. So much so that Lexa feels her pain in her chest. "We don't want you here Clarke, you are better off dead, maybe then we will really have peace." The group of people surrounding the two girls roared their approval, and Lexa could see Clarke's shoulders slump down marginally in defeat, obviously taking every word to heart, undoing every progress that Lexa has made the past few weeks. Why the hell did Lexa picked a campsite furthest from the Ark? "Tell me this isn't your doing too. Tell me the kids and hunters disappearing has got nothing to do with you." 

"It doesn't" Lexa finally reached the blonde, standing by her side. All eyes glaring accusingly at the blonde falters as they looked up to the commander. "That is caused by the Ice Nation."

"Indirectly caused by Clarke." Octavia spat, the fire roaring behind her eyes. "They came here again asking for Wanheda, which is a title borne by Clarke now is it not?" Lexa's eyes flickered to Abby. This is news to her. The older woman looked away embarrassed for not telling her sooner. "They said they would stop all attack if we gave up Clarke to them."

Lexa belched at that thought, and tensed even further when she noticed Clarke perk up from her peripheral. 

"Clarke saved you and your people. The 300 warriors she killed, I had sent them there to wipe you out. The mountain men she had to kill, was going to drain you of your bone marrow, not carrying if you are dead or alive. Everyone here right now, is alive because of Klarke. Clarke is also the reason why I gave you an alliance instead of killing all of you for burning down the villages with your flares." Lexa looked at the younger girl in the eye, smirking slightly as she flinched. "Grow up, Octavia and stop blaming other people for every shitty thing that happened in your life." 

Lexa spun around and all but dragged Clarke into their tent.

"Clarke look at me." Lexa whispered softly trying to coax the blonde out of her shell as soon s the tent flap closed. Clarke looked at Lexa, her eyes blank, devoid of emotions as they are when she is strategising.

"Clarke, you can't give yourself up to Azgeda. I can't do that again." Lexa whimpers, her eyes flitting back and forth between the dull blue ones. Relief flooded into her chest as Clarke looked up further, recognition finally registering in her eyes.

"Why not? You heard her, Ice Nation wants me, and everyone in this camp wants me dead, save for my mother and Kane." Clarke lets out a bitter laugh.

"Clarke, I just got you back, I can't lose you again." Lexa whispered, desperately trying to get the blonde to see reason.

"Lexa… my being here puts everyone in danger. Even when I was in Polis, Indra had told me that I was a danger to you all." Lexa's eyes widened insurprise, completely unaware of that interaction. She felt a burst of anger grow anew in her chest. "Don't blame Indra, I saw it too. I am threatening your position as heda having brought down the mountain, people fear me whenever they see me around in the villages. I could see it in their eyes Lexa." Clarke strokes a thumb over Lexa's cheek, trying to get her to see reason, trying to show her that if she gave herself up to Ice Nation, everything will be better. " O was right. You can't tell me that in the past 3 months I have been in Azgeda, your people weren't at peace can you?" clarke asked. She already knows the answer but her heart cracks just a little more tethering on the edge of being fully broken after her confrontation with O. She had stepped out with the intention to get some food, but instead was met with Octavia's wrath. The brunette crossing the tent to get to the training pits. Then, the fight blew up, gathering a crowd around the two girls. People she had helped save stood around them, but Clarke saw how they all leaned in towards Octavia.

"I can't say that because they were." Lexa looked down at the blonde, then sped up after seeing the hurt blossom in her eyes. "But I cans ay I was not. I was merely surviving Clarke. Those months, I was like a robot. I perform my duties, eat then sleep and repeat. All I could think about was where were you, are you safe, or lying dead on the forest grounds. Every second, every day, I fear that Nia will appear at the foot of my bed again and dumping a sack on it. Only this time, the sack contains your head." Lexa leans into the blonde, connecting their foreheads. "Weren't you the one who taught me that life should be more than just surviving? What happened to that Clarke?" Lexa couldn't help the crack in her voice.

She closes her eyes, listening to the blonde's breathing. One second it was smooth and steady, but the next it was short and jagged. Lexa opens her eyes just in time to see fat droplets of tear spilling over the blonde's eyes. Lexa's heart breaks a little more as she wiped away the tears with the pad of her thumb.

"What if you are the only one who feels that way Lexa?" Clarke's voice quivers. "Everyone else out there wants me dead. Everyone else thinks I can do more wrong than right. And I am starting to believe them too." 

"Clarke… my love for you is so wide, it covers the entire universe. But neither am I the only one who feels that way. I know countless of others who admire your strength. Aden, your mother, the villagers of TonDC, the coalition, all of us are grateful to you Clarke. You put an end to our suffering, and now you just have to see it." Confident green eyes looked into broken blue ones. "Promise me Clarke, you will not go to Azgeda. Promise me you will stay with me forever. Don't run away again."

Clarke breathes out shakily, the droplets of tears turned into a steady stream with the occassional sob as she listened to Lexa's words. They were strong enough o put a bandage along the cracks formed on her heart. Not quite piecing them together, but enough for now.

"I promise."


	22. Chapter 22

Clarke could feel Lexa's eyes on her back every second of everyday, as if she doesn't trust her to not go running into Nia's arms. Clarke can't lie and say she doesn't have the urge to do just that if it will save her people, but the chances are Nia will not keep her end of the bargain and Clarke will have sacrificed herself for nothing, in the process destroyign Lexa, and possibly her mother. Besides, Clarke made a promise, one that she intends to keep with her life.

"Clarke. Can we talk?" Abby called out to the blonde who was lounging by the campfire, not having anything to do. Clarke turn to look at her mother coming out of the medbay, tugging gloves off of her hands.

"Sure." Clarke nods, her body tensing. What does her mother want with her?

Abby guides the blonde to her office in one of the higher decks of the Ark infrastructure. The silence between the two on the way there was suffocating. The air is heavy and tense, adding onto Clarke's paranoia on the conversation to come.

"Sit." Abby gestures to s metal chair in front of a large desk, and a way comfier looking chair behind it.

Clarke took a seat, trying to not fidget at how unnatural the chair feels now that she has gotten accustomed to wooden logs and benches. Abby stood in front of her, her hands and back resting on the table behind her, and Clarke felt like a child again. Not Wanheda, not an ambassador of Skaikru, but a little girl being scolded for doing something wrong.

"Clarke, where were you for the past 3 months?" 

Clarke should have seen this coming. She should have read Abby's face and ran away. The blonde fidgets beneath Abby'e gaze. She's not ready to recount what happened. She's not ready to take in Abby's reaction.

"I had to get away mum. I couldn't stand to look at the people in this camp, after what I had done at the mountain to save them." Clarke tries to dodge the question.

"You left me worried sick. We were worried for you Clarke, we sent out search parties, scouring every sector hoping we will find you, but we never did. That was a little irresponsible. We all depended on you, people looked up to you and you just left. You place the burden on Bellamy to tell us about your departure." Clarke's gaze fell to her boots and she had to resist the urge to stop the sob welling up from within her. 

"And what's more, you stayed away from us for 3 months, running off to Polis while the rest of us have to clean up the mess around here." The mess that you made. Clarke could hear the unspoken words even if Abby didn't say them out loud. 

"I didn't want to stay away for 3 months mum." Clarke interrupted before Abby could go on on her rant. She needed her mum to understand this. "I wanted more than anything to come home. I wanted to cme back to you, to Bellamy, to Octavia. I wanted to make it up to Jasper for not being able to save Maya. I wanted to be a part of rebuilding Arkadia." Feelings that Clarke had suppressed since the day Nia had took her came bubbling up, and she forced herself to meet Abby's eyes. "Yes, I left, but I didn't want to stay away. But I couldn't come home."

"Clarke… to be a leader, you cannot be selfish. You have to put the needs of your people before the needs of yourself. At times of peace, you can take a break, but you cannot just up and leve after creating a-"

Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. Even if it proved her mother right, she couldn't just sit there in the chair and listen to her mother scoldings when Abby didn't know what happened. Clarke stood up suddenly.

"I'll go hunt for dinner. Start pulling my own weight. I'm sorry mum." Clarke chokes out before sprinting out of the confining room. Her footfalls lands dull thuds on the metal infrastructure, but Clarke ran faster and harder, needing to get out of there. Her lungs are constricting upon itself, not pulling in enough oxygen in the stuffy metal coffin.

"Well, well, well, the Princess is running away to her perfect little life once again, leaving us with the ruins of our -hiccup- life." A slurring voice calls out right before Clarke could reacht he entrance of the Ark. Jasper. Clarke force her legs to stop running, and turn around to face the boy.

"There it is, the one person who keeps robbing me of my own love. Maya, remember her? With the hundreds of people, children, you slayed coldheartedly? How about the warriors you made us kill? Do you remember them Clarke?" Jasper stumbles towards her, his pupils blown wide open and a little drool on the corner of his mouth. His hands clutched at a bottle of what Clarke assumes is moonshine. "You bring destruction wherever you go Clarke. You don't deserve happiness, not after everything you've do-" 

"JASPER! That's enough." Monty appeared behind his best friend, spinning him away from the blonde. The Asian boy gave Clarke a soft sorry before guiding his best friend to his room. Clarke watched the duo. Seems like Jasper forgave Monty. Why wouldn't he? Clarke was the brains of the mission after all.

All energy seemed to seep out of her. Why is she here? No one wants her here.

Clarke stumbles out of the Ark, barely noticing Trikish, the guard Lexa had placed for her moving behind her. She felt weak and vulnerable, and all she want to do is to go into the woods and never emerge again. But that's basically giving herself up to Nia, at this time where the sun has set, and Clarke knows if she were to be attacked, she wouldn't lift a finger to defend herself. And she made a promise. A promise to the one person who doesn't seem to hate her passionately but love her instead. So Clarke dragged herself to their tent, seeking for sanctuary of the warm girl.

Lexa looked up from the proposal Abby had written out as the flap to their tent opened. Her eyes widened as a weak and seemingly battered Clarke stumbled in weakly. 

"Clarke?" Lexa calls out softly, moving from her spot behind a makeshift table and pulled the blonde in for a hug.

To her utter horror, the blonde burst into tears upon leaning into Lexa. Sobs wrecked through her body, and soon, her tank top was soaked with tears.The blonde refuses to tell Lexa what happened, she can't even if she had wanted to, tears falls from her eyes continuously and all she could do was take in gulps of air between every sob that escapes her body.

Lexa didn't try to stop the waterworks from falling, instead she just held Clarke close, laying them down on the bed. She runs her fingers over the blonde locks as she hummed a soft tune, one that her mother used to sing to her when she scrapes her knee or had a bad dream, as she rocked the blonde back and forth. Snot was free-flowing from Clarke's nose onto her tank top, but Lexa could care less. Her heart breaks as she holds onto the girl she loves, utterly wrecked from the day's activities and there is nothing that she could do to help her but provide comfort and warmth.

Lexa doesn't know what had happened, but she has a good idea. The skaikru are a bunch of children. When something goes wrong, they would point their fingers at the first person they see. They are blind to all good things that Clarke had brought them, focusing only on the bad ones, and up till now, they are still blaming her, forcing her to take the blame on every bad thing that happened to them. Lexa's eyes flared with anger, while her heart aches with sorrow for the girl that she holds in her arms, her shoulders still shaking with sobs even as she falls asleep. They don't deserve Clarke. Lexa should have made her stay behind in Polis instead of going back to her people. 

Lexa' finger clutched at the blonde more firmly trying to protect her from all harm she is exposed to. 

I promise to protect her forever. Lexa swore in her head as her eyes drifts shut, blonde curls tickling her chin. No one is going to hurt her not anymore


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke spends most of her time out hunting now. In the woods, she is free, away from the people who hates her guts, the people who had once admired her and followed her lead, who had once supported her decisions. 

"I'm just trying my best." Clarke had yelled at the younger brunette. They were stuck in the reapers tunnel, trying to find a way in.

"Well, it's not enough!" 

Clarke grits her teeth as the words echoes through her mind. Nothing is ever enough for them is it? Maybe she should just give up trying to help them, trying to be a part of them. They seem to thrive when she's not around anyways. thrive in the peace she had created. Maybe she'll run away with Lexa to Polis, where the people don't glare at her, or chant at her to get out of their walls, where they treat her with some respect and actually want to spend time with her. 

A movement on the bushes caught her eye, and Clarke immediately snapped an arrow to her bow, aimed and release. True to its target, the arrow found its new home in the right eye of the deer rustling amongst the bushes. The arrow embedded itself deep into the brain of the deer, killing it instantly yet preserving its hide to make more blankets for the upcoming winter.

"Nice shot, Wanheda." Trikish gaped in awe behind her as they approached the deer, getting ready to lug it back to camp.

"You'll get the next one Trik." Clarke smiles. She tugs the arrow out of the eye of the deer, and waited for Trikish to hand her the long branch they can tie the deer to to carry it back. A moment pass, and nothing happened. "Trikish, the branch." Clarke frowns.

A weight falls behind her, and Clarke immediately spun around, her sword immediately yanked out of its sheath. She was met with 8 Ice nation warriors, face painted white, ugly scars jagging out of their faces. Trikish's body lay crumpled at their feet.

"Wanheda." One of them says, and reached forward to grab her arms. 

Clarke yank her hand out of reach, and instead swing her sword down. The blade easily slice through the man's hand. He lets out a cry in pain as his hand detaches from its body and rolls onto the ground. Blood splurts out of his new stump, the white of his bone quickly covered by the steady flow of crimson blood. 

At his cry of anguish, the other warriors leapt forward and grabbed for Clarke. She tried to defend herself, she really did, but even the pits couldn't train her for this. Smugness filled her as she managed to cut open a few more flesh wounds, but within the next 5 second, her sword was knocked out of her hand, and her limbs held by the warriors. A piercing pain strikes through her skull and black immediately edged in on her vision.

I'm sorry Lexa. I failed once again.

\----------------------------------------

Lexa stands by the campfire, waiting patiently for Clarke and Trikish to get back with their fresh kill. Time ticks past and Lexa starts to get more anxious. It has never taken the duo this long to capture a prey, something is wrong. 

Maybe the animals just learnt to avoid the campsite, or maybe Clarke and Trikish managed to capture a kill so big it's taking longer to lug it back here. Lexa tries to calm herself down with logical reasoning, but it doesn't seem to be working. In the pit of her stomach, she could feel something has happened. Something bad, and if there was one thing Lexa has learnt, it is to not ignore her gut. 

Lexa stood up from the bench she was sitting on and went in search for her guard. It didn't take her long, Gustus refuses to move far from her side even during his breaks, not trusting the Sky people to not attack his heda.

"Gustus, go look for Clarke and Trikish. They are taking too long." The gigantic man hesistates. He himself realises how unusual this is, the sun is almost setting and Clarke and Trikish are still not back. But he didn't want to leave his Heda.

"I can protect myself Gustus. I only need a guard to watch my back whilst I sleep. Go. Please." Lexa holds her head up high, but her tone falls, vulnerable with emotion at the last word.

"Sha heda." Gustus bows down slightly before going to retrieve his horse. He can cover more ground that way.

Lexa sighs with relief as she watched her bodyguard move. Gustus is a trained tracker, warrior and possess the necessary healing skills. Clarke will be safe.

"SHE KILLED A MOUNTAIN FULL OF PEOPLE, INNOCENT PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO HELPED US. SHE KILLED THEM WITHOUT SPARING THEM ANY MERCY. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE WON'T DO IT AGAIN? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE WON'T DO IT TO US? CLARKE IS DANGEROUS. WE SHOULD BANISH HER FROM ARKADIA. WE NEED TO STOP HER FROM KILLING THE PEOPLE WE LOVE." A boy's voice disrupts the peace, rising above the crackle of the campfire to the ears of dozens of people gathered around the vehicle Jasper is using to give himself leveage. A bottle is held in his grasp, the glass showing half emptied brown liquid. 

Lexa scrunch her nose in disgust as the people cheered for the boy's action, and almost puked as more people joined in. She needs to stop this. Clarke doesn't deserve this. She needs to put an end to this once and for all, it has gone on for too long as it is.

"What is this?" Lexa's voice rises above the cheers, her tone commanding, pulling the eyes of everyone towards her. People, taller and shorter than her, trained their eyes on her, and lexa held her head up high. 

"Did you forget that she had to pull the lever on the mountain to save your people? The mountain men had your people in shackles, chained to the walls of a room as they drilled into them, your chancellor, to obtain bone marrow. And when they can't receive anymore bone marrow, or your people eventually die from blood loss, they toss them down a chute to rot. To allow the reapers to tear their bodies apart. If Clarke had not pulled the lever, you would all be dead by now. The mountain men would storm this camp and grab every single one of you, your children, your leaders, to harvest your bone marrow.

"Her actions may have caused people who helped you to die, but that was to save all of you. Of the hundred of people in the mountain, only 10s of them are willing to help you, to protect you. The rest are more than happy to salvage you just so they can achieve their dream of stepping onto the ground again. And what do you think they will do when that happens? They would more than likely take my people captive, force them to work for them, or they would kill them all with the missiles and guns they have in store in the mountain." Lexa looked at each and every one of the sky people n the eyes, and was pleased when they look away, the reasoning behind Clarke's actions finally dawning on them. Only one of them held her eye, refusing to submit. Jasper stared at her with dilated eyes, the alcohol sloshing in the bottle his hands are unable to hold steady.

"And Jasper. Remember when you first came to the ground. My people had attacked you for crossing the river. They struck you in the chest and dragged you away in front of your friends. According to Lincoln, the scout I have placed to watch your people, he said that Clarke was the one insisting on finding you. She believed that you are still alive despite everyone else around her saying otherwise. She was the one who refused to put you down as you suffered from the poison within your veins when everyone else had shouted, chanted to kill you. She protected you when you were weak. She saved you from your death." Lexa watched as the boy slowly regained composure, the alcohol draining from his veins and his eyes snapping into focus again.

"Jasper, she saved your life, she saved the lives of everyone in this camp at one point or another. Yes, she may have lost some on the way, people who had fought beside her but the numbers are meagre compared to the number of people she saved. Every decision that she made, she had to look forward, consider the consequences and weigh them. She had to think into the future, to take the action that will save more people. That's how a leader think Jasper. Maya is lost on the way, yes. But don't you think she would want you to stop blaming Clarke? She understood the risk of taking down her people, the chances of her death are more likely than her chance of surviving. She supported Clarke throughout the battle at the mountain because she knows Clarke is doing what's necessary for her people. And Clarke is bearing the weight of the deaths all by herself, all the while taking in your blame and punches because she didn't want to hurt you, she would take the blame for it all if it makes you happy. She is taking the blame of it all even though it is killing her, the people she had strived to protect and save, wants her dead and banished from the land she fought so hard to obtain. The dead are gone Japer. The living are hungry." Lexa's voice is soft by the end of it, but her words cans till be clearly heard.

Everyone in the camp has gathered around her by now, including Abby and Kane, Octavia and Lincoln, but Lexa did not lift her eyes from the broken boy still hanging by the vehicle. Everyone else had gone into a somber silence, finally getting it through their head the sacrifices that Clarke had to make. All for them. Their heads dropped in guilt and embarrassment, but Jasper still stares at Lexa.

His face is much more sober now, the weight of reality draining the alcohol in his veins.

"What about you? Do you regret leaving us at the mountain?" Jasper asks, his voice raw with emotion. The question wasn't a jab, but a genune one. One needed for full closure so that he can finally heal.

"No. I would do it again if I needed to. I had to save my people. It kills me to leave Clarke at the doorstep of the enemy but I am a leader first and I have to put my people first. First, we win the war, then we repair the damages incurred." Lexa answered.

Jasper nods, body slumping solemnly. He got down from the vehicle and screwed the cap back onto the bottle in his hands. 

"Do you know where Clarke is? I'd like to apologise to her." Jasper's eyes is filled with sincerity.

"I sent Gustus to look for her, he should be back so-" Lexa's voice trails off as she finds her bodyguard hoarding his horse back to camp. Trikish slumped on the top of his horse, and a body with borne with white fur over the man's shoulder. Lexa stared at the group, waiting for the bundle of blonde hair to jump out from behind them. But it didn't happen. 

Lexa head towards Gustus, eyes going wide as she spots the white paint smeared across the face of the body Gustus was carrying.

"I'm sorry Heda." Gustus said, and Lexa's blood ran cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, so school is starting again... well its only for 2 weeks before break again, but I will probably be using the time to pull my grades out of the gutter. I'm taking my A levels in less than a year!!!! I can't believe it
> 
> So if I'm updating less and less, that's why haha. But don't worry, I won't give up on my baby.... I got big plans for it ;)  
> I hope you enjoy the book thus far, thank you for all the kudos and comments, it really spurs me on. I'll see you guys soon (hopefully)


	24. Chapter 24

This time, her abduction went different than the first. For one, she understands Trig now. For two, she wakes in the midst of the journey to Azgeda.

"Skaiprisa is awake." One of the warrior announces as Clarke stirs in front him.

"Good thing we tied her up. I told you you didn't hit her on the head hard enough." Another riding behind her said, glaring at the woman in front.

"I didn't think Queen Nia will appreciate it if we brought back Wanheda but without her memories." The woman snaps back, swinging her light brown hair back. "Shut up and ride faster. We should go as far as possible before the commander finds out. Kimber, go back and cover our tracks." 

A man riding at the back falls behind and rode back the direction they came from.

Clarke's vision was still blurry from the concussion she was sure to have. She forced herself to focus on the route they were travelling and to not puke all over the horse she was on top of. Can't he ride steadily? Seriously, even she who had less than one month of training can ride steadier than that man in front of her.

"You better not puke on me prisa." The man grunts, and Clarke had to tighten her hold on the reins, leaning forward a little. Jesus, do they not brush their teeth too?

"No promises." Clarke grunts. It scares her a little just how easily she accepts her fate as their prisoner. "What does Nia want this time? I thought I was free to go."

It doesn't surprise her either that Nia had went back on her word. 

"You'll see when we reach Azgeda." The man grunts. They approach a road fork and without any hesistance, the group of 7 (what happened to the last guy?) split up one group heading to each path, most likely to make it harder to track them.

"What happened to the other guy?" Clarke couldn't resist the urge to ask.

"He lost a hand. He is no use to the Queen now." The warrior answered, much to Clarke's surprise.

"So you just killed him?" Clarke gasped in horror. She knew Ice Nation was cruel, but not this cruel.

"He had a choice. To die a warrior or to retreat to the land for nobodies. He chose wisely." The warrior grunts again before lapsing into a silence that Clarke knows he will not break. Clarke sighs and stared ahead of her, allowing the horse to bring her to Nia's wrath. 

Clarke wasn't scared of what she has to face there, but she is confused. What does Nia want from her this time? She has already proven her title as Wanheda, abducting her puts her at risk of starting a war with her against the other 12 clans assuming Skaikru is joining the coalition, or even want to save her. Clarke flinches slightly at the last thought. She forces herself to look away from the negative and focus on Lexa. Lexa loves her and she believe that Lexa would do everything in her power to save Clarke. She may even have the support of every other clan seeing as she bears the title of Wanheda. 

Clarke breathes in deeply, the memory of Skaikru pushed out of her mind. There is no way she can escape, there are 7 warriors, 3 now, having one covering their tracks and the other 3 moving to the other fork extending the search time, buying them time to bring Clarke back to their queen. Besides, with their tracking skills and Clarke's inability to cover her tracks having neglected that part of her study during her stay in Polis, she would be found easily and possibly face an even worse treatment than she is receiving now. The only thing she can do now iss to dig up as much information as she could from this warrior.

"What's your name? I'll have to commend you to your queen for the pounding headache I still have, and possibly a concussion going on right now considering how blurry everything seems to be." 

The warrior behind her remained tight-lipped. Clarke sighs. It's going to be a long journey. An uncomfortable one seeing as her hands are bounded tightly together.

\---------------------------------------

Lexa couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. All that enters her mind right now are images of her pulling a head out of a sack. Except this time, Clarke's head is dangling from her hands, face bruised beyond recognition, bones cracked in most places, skin cold. 

She needs space. She can't do this here. Lexa stumbles away from the crowd that had gathered, but she managed to gather herself, just enough to ensure the health of Trikish.

"Will you please tend to him? Make sure he's okay? He was the one guarding Clarke… Maybe he will remember something when he wakes." And tell her that Clarke had escaped, that Clarke had managed to outrun the company of the dead Azgeda, and is safe in a cave somewhere. Lexa stared at Abby till she received a hesistant nod. She orders Gustus to stay by Trikish side and ensure that he is safe, not trusting Skaikru alone with a vulnerable warrior behind. 

Then Lexa turned and headed back to her tent. Once inside the dark space, filled with soft vanilla scent… Clarke’s scent, Lexa broke. 

She collapsed on the hard, cold ground, her body wrecking with sobs which she tried her best to muffle, going so far as to shoving her fist into her mouth. Tears poured endlessly from her eyes as she curls up into a ball trying to make herself as small as possible, trying to pretend that it isn’t real, that Clarke is safe in the camp.. But it was all useless. All that came up in her mind is Clarke's head sitting by her bedside just like Costia.

How could she let this happen? How could she have made the same mistake as she did all those years ago? Hot tears started to stream down her face as she started kicking herself. She should have been more careful, she should have kept Clarke at arm's length, kept her away from herself. Now, she has strung Clarke to Nia's feet. Lexa lets out a strangled scream, her heart twisting. It feels like multiple blades are stabbed into it, it feels like it is placed on an open flame as someone rip the knives out of her heart. Lexa's lungs suddenly started to constrict, unable to draw in enuf oxygen. 

Lexa's heart started to pound faster, as if it is trying to leap out of her chest. She claws against the armour trapping her heart in its place, trying to make room for her lungs to take in more air. Black dots started to appear on the floor in front of her, only causing Lexa to panic even more.

“Heda?” Gustus voice filtered into the tent, but all Lexa could let out was a choked cry. The next thing she knows, Gustus is by her side, a gust of wind entering the tent as he dashes in. 

“Lexa, breathe. Follow my breathing.” The man knelt by her side and place her hand in his chest. 

He quicken his breathing to match Lexa’s before gradually slowing it down. Lexa focused on Gustus’ breathing, the way his chest moves out with each inhale, and in with each exhale. Slowly but surely, her breathing started to revert back to normal, and the moment it did, tears started streaming down her face in a newfound rigour. Lexa buries her face into Gustus' chest and sobbed her heart out over the softie of a warrior. He has been there through everything with her, the moment she came to Polis he has been by her side. The moment she fell in love with Costia, the moment Costia's head was delivered to her bed, the moment she pulled the coalition together, the moment she left Clarke at the mountain. Through all incidences, thick and thin, Gustus has been there, ready to hold her or to defend her. Lexa wasn’t afraid to be weak in front of him. Not anymore. 

Gustus silently rubbed her back, not caring that her tears are soaking his armor, or that his Heda was weeping over a girl who isn’t even in their clan. All he could see is the fragile little girl who walked into polis 7 years ago, and cried when she was told she had to kill her friends. 

Eventually, Lexa’s tears subsided, leaving behind an empty, exhausted shell of her. 

“She’ll be okay. She survived them once, she will do it again. Clarke is strong, stronger than we know.” Gustus whispered to the shaking girl in his lap. 

“It held that she’s so incredibly stubborn too.” Lexa laughs shakily as she recalls the numerous times Clarke had disobeyed their orders. 

“What if she isn’t? What if she doesn’t come back?”

"She will." Gustus said firmly. "We will find them. An Azgeda warrior is found dead next to Wanheda's guard. This is your chance to announce an act of war by Azgeda. We can finally take down Nia." 

Lexa sniffs, pushing her body off of Gustus and sat up straight. Her mind started whirring at Gustus' words, a plan already forming in her mind. 

"Sha, we will leave for Polis at first light if Trikish is feeling well enough. Send a messenger to every clan, ask for their leaders to meet us at Polis in 4 days time. They should have ample time to arrive. Any rejection is an act of defiance." Lexa states. 

—————————————

Clarke gets a major sense of déjà vu as she kneels on the red carpet, the glare of the sun in her eyes as she looked up at the Ice Queen. 

“Klarke.” Nia smiles at the kneeling blonde. 

“Nia, I thought we had a deal.” Clarke looked at the older woman, keeping her face blank, devoid of all emotion as she tried to figure out what it is that Nia wants from her. 

“We did. But I didn’t know you and the commander were so… close.” A glint seemed to sparkle in her eyes as she looked down at Clarke from her throne, the white glare of the sun shining through clear glass. 

“I don’t understand.” Clarke tilts her head slightly towards the right. 

“All you need to understand, Klarke.” The ice Queen step down from her throne and walked towards Clarke with calculated steps. “Is that if you cooperate, you would not suffer.” Now Nia was in her face, somehow making the air feel colder. Clarke fights off a shiver and maintained eye contact with Nia. 

“Tell me all of the commander’s weakness and her plans. The number of warriors she has and the location of every one of her villages. If you share these information, I will make your stay here much more comfortable than your last. If you don’t, I’ll make sure it’s worse. Do we have a deal?” Nia smiled at Clarke as if she had already won. 

Clarke returns her smile. Then she spat in Nia’s face. 

“Fuck you.” Clarke’s lips turned upwards at Nia’s shocked expression. A flash of anger went through Nia’s face. 

“This is surprising isn’t it? Your commander was willing to sacrifice her lover for her people, but who knew the Sky people are much more loyal.” Nia scoffs. 

A feeling of dread spreads through Clarke’s veins. The anger in her eyes drains out as she stares at Nia. “What are you talking about?” 

“Oh? You didn’t know?” Nia cocks her eyebrow upwards as she wipe the spit off of her pale skin. 

Clarke glares at her, daring her to continue. 

“The commander and I made a deal of sorts. Give me Wanheda, or I will break the coalition thereby breaking the peace she had long sought after. Worked for for far longer than she had met you, Clarke kom Skaikru.” Clarke’s heart froze as she listened tho the Ice Queen, trying her best to ignore there smirk in her voice. “Her answer was almost instantaneous. She had so helpfully provided me with the time and place where you will be out hunting, with the promise that I will leave her favoured guard unharmed. So tell me Klarke. What will it be?”

The ice Queen smiled. And with the shivers that vibrated through Clarke’s body, she understood why Nia was the ice queen. 

Clarke opened her mouth to answer, to spit out a no and curse at Nia again. But her heart splits into two at the thought of her love betraying her, robbing her of her voice. And for the first time in a long while, Clarke questions Lexa’s love for her. 

“Cat got your tongue? No worries, I’ve prepared you a room at which you would stay at when you accept my offer. I’ll have my guards bring you to it now. Take the night to think about it.” Nia grinned as if she had won as two guards appeared behind Clarke, grabbing her by the arm pits and hauling her to her feet. “I’ll see you soon Clarke. And hopefully you would make the right choice.” 

Clarke stared at Nia mutedly, her muscles paralysed by shock and betrayal.


	25. NOT AN UPDATE

Hi!!! just wanted to let you know I changed the last few paragraphs of the previous chapter. It didn't make sense to me anymore so I couldn't continue writing till I rewrote it. 

Thank you for waiting this long!!! I promise ill release a new chapter within the next... 24 hours. but most likely by tonight.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised!!! Remember to read the updated version of the last chapter!!1

The castle Clarke is in is smaller, shorter than the tower in Polis. It is not even as luxurious. And yet, for some reason, Clarke felt the smallest she ever had sitting in her room at the top of the tower. The guards had not so gently thrown her into the room and shut the heavy wooden doors behind them. But Clarke couldn’t even feel the pain as she landed a face first on the floor.

With whatever energy she managed to scrap within herself, Clarke dragged herself to the window. She stares out at the horizon, a dull ache in her chest. Lexa had betrayed her. Again. 

The fact now fully dawn upon her. Clarke collapse upon herself on the floor, blonde hair fanned out across her face as hot, fat tears rolled down her face. She has no reason to believe Nia's words, hell she has reasons not to believe them, but it just makes sense. After all, Skaikru is still not a part of the coalition. And Lexa had mentioned that her role as a leader comes first. Always. And she would not hesistate to throw anything that is hers under the bus to protect them. But clarke had thought this time it will be different. She had thought she managed to change that. She had thought she would come first this time. She had though Lexa had loved her enough. Just…

A fresh wave of tears falls from her eyes again as she wailed. Let the guards hear her screams, her cries. Let the entire tower hear her. Clarke doesn't care anymore. What's the point of living anymore? What's the point of anything anymore?

The guards outside her room shifted uneasily, the pain and distress in the cries let out by the girl inside shaking them to their very core. Thankfully the tower is tall enough that its volume dissipated before it could reach the ground, yet its citizens looked up to the sky, sensing that something is wrong. 

The sun itself seemed unsettled by the blonde's display of heartbreak as it slipped as far away as it could from the tower, soon, only its head is peeking out from the tall mountains, enveloping the world in a red glow, matching the skin around Clarke's eyes as she dragged her limp body up to lean against the bed and stare out of the window. The tower is high. High enough that she could see past the white land to the edge of the forest, just a hint of green. But enough for a fresh wave of tears to overwhelm Clarke again. Instead, Clarke pushed it down. She wasted enough time crying. Now, she has to think. What is she going to do? Be the cause of the decimation of her people, or betray the love of her life. 

\-----------------------------

Darkness descended upon the earth, and yet the blonde has yet to make a decision. At some point a guard had came in to give her a tray of food whilst sending her a nervous glance. Clarke didn't move though. She just sat at her spot, leaning against the bed, staring into the now empty void. She tells herself she hasn't made a choice yet. She tells herself that the choice isn't obvious, that she can't decide. But she knew she is lying. She has made her choice. That's why she hates herself so much now. Even more than when she had eradicated mount weather. Even more when she had had when she stabbed Finn in the stomach. 

Clarke didn't sleep that night. She just stared into the darkness and watched. Watched as a set of mystical green eyes take form in the darkness.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispers, pushing the threat of tears down her throat for the umpteenth time. Come morning, her heart would have steeled. Her soul feeling empty yet heavy at the same time. Not for the first time, Clarke wishes she was dead. 

\---------------------------

"So, have you made your choice?" Nia grins at Clarke as she was dragged into the room, barely containing her glee. She can finally get what she wants. After waiting for so long, she can finally learn all the commander's tricks, thereby allowing her to defeat her with ease, taking over the entire coalition. 

Clarke stares blankly at the Queen, as if she had not spoken at all.

The guard behind her delivered a harsh kick to the back of Clarke's legs, causing her to collapse onto the ice cold floor. Still, the blonde made no move to push herself up again.

"You will answer when the Queen speaks to you." The guard shoved her upright again, her body leaning against the heel of her feet. 

"Have you made your choice?" Nia's grin falters a little, replaced with slight anger.

"Yes." Clarke stares at her.

"And?" Nia tap her fingers impatiently on the handle of her throne.

Clarke opens her mouth to answer, but no words came out. It took her a moment to gather her voice again, but it was a moment too long as the guard now delivered a blow against her right cheek, tipping the already slack blonde over, smashing onto the floor, red blood colouring the floor. A second later, Clarke was pulled to her previous position, sputtering at the metallic taste of blood. A dull throb pulse at her right cheek, but Clarke almost couldn't feel it. All she could feel was the shattering of her heart as she utters out her next words.

"I choose Lexa." 

Nia's face almost split into two at her words, her grin stretching from ear to ear. "Good choice, we'll jus-"

"I choose to protect her and her people. Even if it is at the cost of mine." Clarke whispers, but it was loud enough to travel across the room to Nia's ears.

"What?" The smile falls from Nia's face, and every guard in the room flinches at the upcoming rage the queen was sure to throw. 

"You heard me." Clarke looks at her defiantly, it was the small piece of herself she still manage to save from the day before, and she intend to use it well. "I'm not going to betray her, and everything that she had trusted me with."

A flash of anger flashed through Nia's face, but it was gone in a second. She lean back against her throne, a smile settled on her face again.

"Very well, no matter, you will spill all the beans in a day at most. Bring her to the dungeons. Do your worst work on her. Tell me when she is ready to answer my questions." Nia faces her guards before turning back to the blonde. "You will break. Just like little Costia did."


	27. Chapter 27

"Are you really going to kill all of the Skaikru?" Ontari asks from her spit behind the Queen.

"Of course not." Nia snaps before a smile starts to grow. "The skaikru has what I want. Weapons that will kill all of the commander's troops immediately. Soon, the coalition will crumble as every nation on land will start to fear me, us Azgeda, and go against the commander. Then," Nia turns and strokes one bony finger along Ontari's jaw. "You, my dear will be made commander, and things will run as they should, as they always should."

"But, if you are so sure that Skaikru's weapons will bring us victory, why bother capturing Clarke at all? And what are you going to do with her? Why not use the time and effort in planning for the war that is sure to come?" 

"Skaikru weapons gives us an advantage, but you too, know that we are not trained in them. Even after acquiring the weapons, we will not be able to win the war. Wanheda will give up all information of Heda, the size of her armies, what they are capable of, to me. Then, we can have our swift victory.” 

Clarke was kept chained to the walls of the cold dungeon. Her wrists held as far as they would go on either side of her, the metal handcuffs digging into her skin. Her legs are also chained together beneath her body. Her body is stretched taut against the cold stones of the dungeon wall, with no space to sag slightly or to adjust herself and relieve her stiff muscles. She has no idea how long she has been kept captive here. 4 walls surrounds her, with a small metal gate on one of them, but effectively, aside from the few torches scattered around the cell.

The cold from the walls slowly seeped into her bones, her muscles screaming for relief from the position it’s stuck in for the past don’t know how many hours. Clarke hangs her head down limply as she accepts her fate. But her head refuses to keep silent, refuses to spare her the agony of the knowledge that Lexa had had betrayed her once again. A hot drop of tear slid down her cheek, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. When it falls to the ground, the echo seemed to reverberate through the entire dungeon as the weight of her misery is contained within. 

“are you okay?” A soft voice startled Clarke from her wallowing. 

A small figure from the opposite dark corner crept out out of its shadows. It was so dark that she didn’t spit her at first. 

“who are you?” Clarke asks the shivering, trembling girl. Her bones seemed to stick out of her pale skin, as if she hadn’t seen the sun for ages. Her body is skinny and malnourished, pain deep in the shadows of her eyes. 

“my name is Costia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW ITS TOO SHORT. IM REALLY SORRY.  
> but I wanted to let you know I will not forget about this story. I have big plans for it. HUGE plans


	28. Chapter 28

"Costia?" Clarke stuttered. Her body would have collapsed onto the ground if it werent for the chains holding her up. "Lexa's Costia?"

The small girl nodded, offering a small weak smile. 

"But I thought you are dead. Nia sent your head to Lexa 6 years ago."

"That was a ploy." Costia creeps closer to Clarke before settling down, tucking her chin in her knees. "I tried to stay strong for Lexa but I failed. Nia tortured me for days on end, only stopping to let me heal enough to make sure I'll be alive for the next few days. I wasn't strong enough. I caved and spilt my love's secrets.'

Clarke flinched slightly as Costia said 'my love'. Lexa is her love now… although that is only because Lexa thought that Costia was dead. 

"After I caved, Nia brought in another girl who looked like me. She made me watch as her guards beat her face up till its unrecognisable. Then she chopped off her head and sent it to lexa's bed."

"Then why are you still here? Why aren't you in one of the rooms in the castle?" 

"Nia refused. The Ice Queen does not keep her words. She plans on letting me rot here till the next time she catches one of Lexa's lovers. Then I am to watch her get tortured too. She wants me to know that everyone caves. That she will come out of this victorious." Costia looked up then, her frail body looking so small against the cold stones of the dungeon. "I'm guessing you are Lexa's new love."

"Sha. My name is Clarke. But Costia, Lexa hasn’t forgotten about you. Lexa still loves you, mourn for you every single day, regretting that she didn't know, didn't manage to save you." 

Costia lets out a watery smile. "Sounds like Lexa. You love her don't you?" At Clarke's nod, Costia straightened slightly, as if clarke had given her strength. "Then don't be like me. Don't be weak Clarke. It is going to be painful and hard, but Lexa is worth it. Don't give up her secrets, she needs them to win the war that is sure to happen when she finds out that you are gone."

"How do you know she will come for me?" Clarke whimpers softly, her mind flashing back to the mountain.

"Lexa is strong Clarke. Lexa will come and save you. I know she will and you do too." 

"Save us." Clarke looked at the frail girl in front of her, determination now lacing her words, pulling her body back from its tired and weak state.

"It's too late for me Clarke… But it's not too late for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is when the torture begins hehe. Sorry it took me so long.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!! 2020 is over, HELLO 2021

The doors to the dungeon slams open, and Costia immediately cowers back to her corner. They had agreed the night before, out of sight out of mind. Clarke is willing to do anything and everything to keep the girl that Lexa loves so much as safe as possible, and Costia has been too terrorised by Nia to argue back.

"Wanheda." Nia smiles sweetly as she enters the dungeon, Ontari and Roan on her heels. "Have you changed your mind? Have you grown wiser during the night and decided to spare yourself the pain?" 

"Fuck you." Clarke spat in the Queen's face. She is going to pay for that later, but god the satisfaction she feels as she watches the icy face crumple in disgust is almost worth it.

"I expect not." Nia schools her expression back and wipes her face clean. "Prepare the trough. We'll change your mind."

Clarke growls as the guards approaches her, one of them carrying a metal piece that looks like a set of pliers. 

"Do what you will Nia, I won't betray Lexa." Clarke kept her eyes on the two guards who settled by her right side, awaiting for Nia's instruction.

"Why Clarke? Lexa betrayed you and your people in a blink of an eye to save herself and her people. Why are you not doing the same?" Nia smirked at Clarke, a little satisfied that the blonde had rejected her offer. Oh how she crave for the blonde's screams to echo through her dungeons. It's been a little too quiet here lately. 

"There's so much you don't know Nia. And guess what? You will never find out. Taunt me all you want, you will never get what you are looking for." Clarke spat, finally turning away from the two guards to look at Nia. To her surprise, the two people standing behind the queen nodded their head sligthly in approval. Roan and Ontari seemed almost relieved at Clarke's answer. Which confused her to no end, but she didn't have time to think about it because then, Nia nodded her head and the two guards moved into action.

One of them grasped her hand holding it still no matter how hard Clarke tried to wiggle it out of his grasp. And the other held up the metal, clarke can now say for certain is a set of pliers, and aligned it to her ring finger. Clarke thought back to the first month on the ground, when Murphy returned from the grounders, his fingernails torn from his fingers, and steeled herself for the pain. But nothing prepared her for what came next. 

They didn't rip it straight off as she had expected, instead they pulled it slowly, allowing her to feel every single every micrometres its ripped off, then they angled it up so that its directly ripped from the skin, releasing it at the last second, so she can feel it dangling off that one point of her nailbed. 

Clarke tried her best not to cry out, tried to stay silent, but she screamed. Agony lacing her screams, at which she is sure that Nia revels in. Tears pricked her eyes but she refused to let them fall. The guards continued to the next 3 fingers till Nia ssignalled for them to stop.

"Would you like to change your mind?" Nia smiled sweetly at Clarke.

Clarke felt the drops of blood dripping from her finger tips, the way her nails either hung off the edge of her nailbed or lay cracked open, split through the middle. "Fuck you Nia." Her voice trembled a little from the pain, hoarse from her screams, but its okay,because Nia's smile immediately fell off her face. She nodded her head again, and the two guards moved to her left hand after finishing with the last nail. After what felt like hours, Clarke was dripping with blood and sweat, and to her anger, tears. None of the fingernails are in their proper positions anymore.

"I'll give you the night to think about it again." Nia announced and left the dungeons, alongside her two minions and the guards holding the pliers.

As soon as the door slammed shut, Costia emerged from her corner, Clarke had almost forgotten that she was in the same room.

"Hang in there Clarke. I know you can do this." Costia wiped the tears falling from her eyes off her cheeks. "Nia will send in a healer soon to tend to your wounds. She does it so that you will stay alive and not die of infections or bloodloss. You only die when she decides you will."

Clarke nods her head. She doesn't have the energy to do anything else now. 

"The girl who treated me was nice. She gave m-" Just then the doors opened again and costia scrambled to her corner, cautiously peeking at the newcomer. A girl carrying a satched\l and tray entered the room. She must be a familiar face because costia emerged from her corner and helped her carry the tray filled with food in. 

"Costia. Wanheda." The girl smiles kindly at them, but Clarke stared at her apprehensively.

"Clarke. This is Zelda. She helped me, she's on our side." Costia smiled at Clarke, the two of the, approaching her.

"Wanheda."

"You work for Nia, she trusts you to approach her prisoner. How do I know that you are not spying for nia?" Clarke glared at the girl, refusing to let her guard down.

"Nia killed my family when I was 3. She took me in and trained me to be a healer, not allowing me to exit this castle or talk to others. I have no reason to spy for her." The girl replied calmly. "However, I ask that you do not speak of the information that she wants in front of me. If she questions me, I am not confident that I will be able to hold my tongue. May I clean your wounds, wanheda?" 

Clarke nods, relaxing slightly. "Call me Clarke."

Zelda unlocked her limbs and start to tend to her wounds. Clarke winces everytime she presses onto her nail before wrapping it with a piece of clother filled with green paste. 

"You know I can just run away right now don't you??" Clarke wince again as Zelda moved on to the next finger.

"You can't. Nia placed two guards outside this door, and 5 along the stairs. Besides, I trust that you wouldn't put me in trouble. The people that heda chooses to be her partners cares for others more than themselves." Zelda answers nonchalantly. "Eat. You will need your strength."

"What about Costia?" Clarke looked at the one tray of food… well more like scraps.

"Nia doesn't… Nia hopes that I will starve to death." Costia smiled bitterly at Clarke, hugging her legs close to her body as she watched Zelda finish wrapping Clarke's injuries. "I've only survived because of Zelda, sneaking food and water up to me once a week on her duty to clean this dungeon."

Clarke nods, pulling her hand back from Zelda as soon as she's done. "Have some of my food. I'm not hungry." Clarke push the plate to Costia whose eyes widened.

"Cla-"

"Costia. I ate several pieces of jerky on my trip here, thinking that I won't have any food to eat for awhile. It will tide me over for a day or two and I need you to regain your energy for us to escape this hellhole. Please. If you don't eat it, it'll just go untouched." Clarke leans her head back against the dungeon wall. In truth, she was hungry. She had only eaten 3 pieces of jerky, and the torture session took most of her energy out of her. But she can't imagine how hungry Costia is right now. the food that Zelda brings up is probably in the smallest portion, and once a week is not enough. She's surprised that the girl is still alive.

Costia nods and dragged the tray to herself, bringing the pieces of jerky to her mouth, trying to eat them slowly, but Clarke could see her physically restraining herself from stuffing her face.

Zelda looks at Clarke and mouthed a thank you. Clarke smiled back, catching sight of the emotion wavering behind the brown iris, but did not call her out on it. Instead, she dragged the jug of water and gulped down half of it, being sure to leave some for Costia, even though she wanted to drain its entire content. 

"Zelda?" Clarke called the brunette who is watching Costia eat, gratitude in her eyes. The brunette turned to face Clarke. "I have a plan. But I need your help."


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for long wait!!!

The next morning, Nia entered the dungeon again, Clarke chained up and glaring at her defiantly, Costia hidden in her corner, safe from the wrath of Nia.

However, this time her guards carried up a trough and pails of water. It didn’t require much imagination to guess what Nia is going to do to her as they filled the trough with buckets of water. 

"So, have you changed your mind?" Nia tilts her head at the blonde.

Clarke smiled sweetly at Nia. "Fuck you." 

The guards stepped to either side of Clarke and let loose her ankles from its cuffs before moving to her wrists. As soon as her ankles are free, Clarke twisted sideways and kicked the guard on the right right between his legs. She smirked triumphantly as he immediately crumpled down to his knees, hand grabbing surely bruised organ. Clarke then twisted to the other side and caught the other guard in the stomach. He merely grunted and shoved his elbow into her face.

Clarke's head swung back, hitting the dungeon wall with a sickening crack. Pain overwhelmed her, and the room seemed to be spinning now, but thankfully for Nia, she didn't pass out.

"Tell me. How big is Lexa's army?" Nia asked as Clarke was held on her knees in front of the trough.

"I'm not telling you anythin-" the guard behind her grabbed her hair and dunked her head in. The water is freezing cold, knocking what's left of her breath out of her lungs. She struggled under the water, struggling to get some air into her burning lungs but water entered instead. That's it. Shes going to drown to death. Clarke felt her body slacken and started to pass out but her head was yanked back up. 

Clarke sputtered, vomiting up mouthfuls of water that invaded her lungs and she quickly replaced them with fresh air, ignoring the burn in her lungs. Oxygen, my dear old friend. Before she could even breathe in another time, her head was dunked into the water again. Like before, before she passed out she was yanked back up. The guards repeated this an infinite times before tossing her slack body onto the dungeon floor, the blonde a spluttering, gasping and puking mess. 

"Tell me." Nia looked at the blonde amusedly, but impatience was starting to seep into her tone. It is only the second day, but lexa is on the move and every second counts now. 

Clarke didn't answer her, not willing to waste the oxygen that barely entered her lungs to dignify nia with a response. Her limbs are shaking uncontrollably, the lack of oxygen and coldness of the dungeon finally getting to her and she couldn't fend off, let alone fight the hands grabbing at her shoulders once more. Clarke slackens even more as she was positioned in front of the trough again. Her head was held beneath the water for what felt like eternity, and she prayed. Prayed for the darkness to take over her. 

\---------------------------

Lexa paced her tent from one end to the next and back again. She's starting to wear a hole into the ground. It's been 2 days since the love of her life was stolen from beneath her nose. She’d let this happen again. Clarke is going to end up like Costia. Clarke is not going to come back to me. Clarke i- 

Lexa breaks down, shaking with fear as she collapsed to her knees. She can't lose Clarke. She can't survive that. 

Hot, wet tears fell onto the soil beneath her and she swore to the spirits she's going to save Clarke and kill Nia. She will personally slice through that ice bitch with her sword and watch as her blood falls to the ground. 

"Heda?" A foreign voice calls out from the back of her tent. Lexa immediately rose from where she had collapsed on the ground and wiped the tears from her eyes. When she felt presentable enough, she spun around and her eyes widened as she saw her general, indra, standing at the entrance. Maybe she shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, tondc is under Indra's leadership.

"Indra. What can I d- do for you?" Lexa winces at the crack in her voice.

"Heda.if I may, I'd like to offer you some advice." Indra steps further into the tent. Lexa widens her eyes as she processed her words. Not once in her entire life did Indra cross the line from serving her to offering words of advice. Curious, Lexa nods her head for the general to continue.

"Heda, Clarke is special. We could all see that she means a lot to you, and you are well within your rights to grieve for her. But heda, she is not gone. She was just taken 2 days back, the chances of her being dead is low. Chances are, she will still be alive if we act fast and reach her as soon as possible. Then, you can charge Nia with treachery and finally dethrone her. But Heda, to do that, you need to separate your emotions from your thoughts. You need to think strategically to win, not rush forward with every step along the way." Indra stood, spine rigid, as she addressed Lexa.

"And what do you suggest our next step to be Indra?" Lexa questions the general, impressed by her thoughts. She was right. She is being too emotional now to think straight. If she reils in her emotion, the chances of her saving clarke would be much higher. 

"I'd suggest bringing skaikru into the coalition immediately. The leaders from every clan is present here, as well as skaikru's. we need to ensure that skaikru will be by our side for this war, and ensure that there will not be a repeat of the events at the mountain. My daughter, Gaia, is training to be a flamekeeper. She is able to conduct the ceremony here in place of Titus while ensuring its legitimacy. Once skaikru is in the coalition, we march north."

Lexa's eyes widens at Indra's plan. More often than not, she forgets that Indra is mother. She hardly ever speaks of her daughter and is an extremely committed warrior. That's why lexa trusts her now. she has faith that indra's plan would work.

"Ok. Send a messenger to every clan's camp and announce the addition of skaikru to the coalition. The ceremony will be held in the square at first light. I will go and speak to the chancellor. Tell the leaders to send their generals to the war tent after the ceremony. We have no time to waste." Indra nods and stepped back, moving to exit the tent.

"Indra?" Lexa calls to the general and watched as she halts. "Thank you."

Indra nods again and immediately walked out of the tent. Lexa laughs a little at how uncomfortable the general is with affections before it dies down.

Clarke. I'm coming.

Lexa steels her heart, forcing every emotion she is feeling the back of her mind. Now, she needs to convince Abby and Kane to join the coalition.


	31. Chapter 31

5 days came and went, but to Clarke, it felt like an eternity. Almost every inch of her body is covered with scars and wounds now. But she's still alive. She's been through almost every torture imaginable, from burning knives pressed to her skin to her least favourite water submersion. Every day she grows weaker and thinner, but she never stopped giving Costia most of her food. If her plan was going to work, Costia needs to rebuild her strength. And that strength comes from food. 

Clarke watches as the torch slowly burnt to its roots, nearly extinguishing as it did the past 5 days. She learnt that that is a signal that it's morning and Nia will be entering her cell soon. 

"Costia. Wake up." Clarke nudges the sleeping girl beside her with her foot. The blond is still dangled from by her limbs with the chains and she don't see herself getting let down anytime soon. This position makes it hard for her to fall asleep. Which is most likely Nia's plan.

"What?" The srail-looking girl looked up at Clarke, her skin now adopting a much healthier looking shine thanks to the food she's consuming.

"It's time." Costia didn't say anything else after that. She just moved herself to her feet and headed towards her corner.

As soon as she stepped into the darkness, the door to her cell opened. Clarke wiped every emotion from her face and she stared stonily at the ground. If they don't see your weakness, they can't break you. 

"Clarke Griffin. Leader of Skaikru. Courted by the commander of 12 clans." A smooth voice flowed through the air. Clarke looked up in surprise. She had been bracing herself for the icy tone of the Ice Queen. Her eyes met with the two individuals she had grown accustomed to looking at while she was getting tortured.

Ontari and Roan stood before her, none of Nia lackies trailing behind them.

"What do you want?" Clarke tilts her head slightly to the left as she stard at them

"Clarke, you have withstood my mother's mode of persuasion longer than anyone ever had. She's getting quite impatient." Roan looked at Clarke with a smirk.

"What do you want?" Clarke repeated.

"We want your help Clarke." Ontari answered instead of Roan.

"What?" 

"Word has gotten out to the streets that you are still alive, you have not crumbled to the Queen's will. They don't call you Wanheda anymore. They call you their saviour." Ontari stepped forward so that she is nearer to Clarke. "Our people have been very unhappy under Nia's rule for a long time now. We heard stories about how heda rules her lands and we long for that kind of life too. But we are too afraid. Nia holds too much power and one wrong move, you will get yourself as well as everyone you care about executed. We need your help dethroning Nia. We need your help to save us all Clarke. And I swear to help you in anyway I can." Ontari dropped to a knee, "I swear fealty to you Clarke."

Clarke's eyes widened as she took in the sight of the kneeling girl. Then something else catches her eyes. Roan was kneeling too.

"I swear fealty to you." Roan repeated after Ontari.

Clarke gaped at the two warriors in front of her. This was not how she expected her morning to go at all. 

"Ontari. Roan. Rise." Clarke commanded as she got her voice back.

She watched as the two warriors rised to their feet.

"How do you expect me to help you? I am stuck here in chains, my body beaten to a pulp while nia is out there healthy and well. What do you want me to do?" Clarke asked.

"We will help you. In fact, most of Azgeda would help you. We are on your side, we support you, but most of us are too afraid to go against Nia. They are too afraid to risk the lives of their loved ones. You have to help them Clarke! Neither Roan nor I could challenge Nia for her position. The people would only view us as traitors afterwards. But you. You can. You can help us to dethrone nia. Then if you'dlike, you may rule over Azgeda. So long as you don't exploit the people like Nia did." Ontari looked deep into Clarke's eyes, begging her to say yes.

Clarke stared at her, unable to decide if she should trust her or not, but they had taken an oath of fealty to her, and grounders do not take that oath lightly. Clarke sighs She has to trust them. She could use a little help for their plan to work.

"Alright." Clarke concedes and Ontari nearly slumps over in relief. "But I need your help." 

\----------------------------------

(I really hope my italics worked. If not, this chapter is a dream/throwback)

"Lexa? Do you miss Costia?" Clarke asked Lexa one night after they're done with… the activity and Clarke laid behind Lexa, tracing her index finger over Lexa's tattoos.

"I do. She was my first love, and I didn't get to say goodbye. She was wonderful Clarke, you'd love her." Lexa turned around slightly to look at the blonde. Clarke gave her love a small smile.

"I wish she wasn't taken from you like that. If I could, I'd bring her back to you safely. Give you two the ending that you deserve." Clarke murmurs.

"I know you would. That's why I love you." Lexa grins at Clarke. It no longer hurts to talk about Costia. Clarke helped her to appreciate the beauty of her life before it ended, but sometimes, it's nice to think about what could have been.

Clarke jerks awake as her head dropped from the side toward the ground. Her eyes immediately fell upon the small brunette laying in her corner, fast asleep. 

If I could, I'd bring her back to you safely

"I promised you Lexa. I will bring her back to you safely. But I'm sorry if I have to leave you in the process." Clarke whispers under her breath.  



	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a little short... sorry

The day has finally come. Skaikru is now officially a part of the coalition. Today, they march.

It's been 4 days since Clarke was taken, but Lexa managed (just barely) to put that fact behind her. Today, she is Heda. She is leading her army into battle. Today, she must focus on her people. The 900 warriors marching by her side. They trust her to march with her into this war with Azgeda. She will not let them down. And when she wins this war… she'll get Clarke back again. 

800 of her warriors are marching on horseback, 50 skaikru are driving ahead in their… rover? And another 50, people like octavia who were training to be warriors, are riding alongside her and her people. Since Skaikru is now officially a part of the coalition, they seem to blend into the army despite their different style of dressing. Lexa smiled a little. If Clarke was here to see this… 

"Heda!" Indra rode to her side. "With Skaikru's vehicles clearing the path for us, we will be able to reach Azgeda's territory in 3 days with minimum breaks." 

"No. We need to take sufficient breaks if we are going to win this war. We need our warriors well-rested and ready to fight." Lexa breathed out the words, each syllabus seemingly tearing at her heart.

"Very well. We'll break every 3 hours for 30 minutes, and rest during the night until first light." Lexa nodded her affirmation, eyes fixed straight ahead of her. Indra looked at her heda, respect and pride in her eyes. It was obvious that Lexa was grieving, hurting at having lost her love, and yet she pulls through. She puts her feelings last and her duty as heda first. looked at her heda, her eyes full of respect and pride for the girl. She knows how much lexa is hurting, and yet she pushes on. This is why Lexa is the longest surviving Heda that had ever served, and did the impossible task of uniting all 12 clans.

But she really hope that Clarke is alive and well. If she was dead…. Indra don't think Lexa will survive such a broken heart.

——————————

Clarke barely looked up as Nia and her troop sauntered into the room. Her body aches and everything burns, but her determination to stay silent remains strong. Nia glares at the defiant blonde. She’s running out of time, her people are reporting that Lexa’s army is on the move and they’d be here in less than a week. 

“Clarke Kom Skaikru, I admire your strength, but it’s time to stop playing games now. Give me what I want or else…” Clarke nearly smirked at the irritation lacing Nia’s voice

“Or else?” Clarke finally looked up. As if she was preparing for this moment. Two of her guards turned around to a corner that Clarke had sacrificed so much to pull their attention off of it. The men reached down and grabbed hold of Costia, dragging the shaking girl from her hiding spot. 

“Since torturing you has no effect, we will torture your friend instead. I believe the two of you are more well-acquainted now.” Nia smirked as Clarke glared at her. She won this one. “Costia, do you remember all the time we’ve spent together? I’ve missed you little one”

Costia whimpers, cowering as much as she could under the hold of the two guards. 

“What do you want Nia.” Clarke growls. She wants to protect her new friend. She needs to protect Lexa’s love, even if it means that Lexa may choose her over Clarke when they return. If they return. 

“I told you. I want to know all of the commander’s strategies, and details of her army. If you tell me, this poor child will not need to suffer anymore than she already had.” 

At this point, the guards have chained Costia to the pole where Clarke had spent many hours kneeling against when she’s not hung to the wall. 

“Clarke, I can take it. Don’t tell her anything. I always regretted that I did. Don’t give in Clarke.” Costia yells, but her voice is shaky, her lower lip trembling uncontrollably. 

“Shof op.” Nia spat at Costia, causing the poor girl to flinch so hard, Clarke wasn’t sure if she had whiplash. 

“Nia, what’s the point of this war? People are living in peace, clans are thriving with the existence of this coalition. Why are you so insistent on destroying it?” Clarke tugs uselessly at her chains, desperately trying to protect Costia. 

“This coalition is not benefitting Azgeda at all. The commander forces azgeda to travel miles upon miles to deliver our resources to other clans, but no one is required to travel to us. Azgeda have given up most of our resources and we get nothing in return. This nation was thriving more than ever until your commander created the coalition.” Nia glares at Clarke. “All will be right again when the coalition falls.”

“It doesn’t work that way Nia. If the coalition falls, the entire world will be at war again. Most resources will be devoted to the war, families, children, elderlies will be living in fear, starving, and freezing in the cold as firewood are given to armies. If you had taken up the request with The commander, travellers would come to your land to trade.”

“Oh you naïve child.” Nia chuckles, moving closer to wclarke and scraping her nail along Clarke’s jaw. “War is the answer to everything. The weak will die, and the strong will thrive. Now give me what I want, or your friend will suffer.”

Clarke glares at Nia, she is delusional. She is too stuck in the old ways, where nations settles conflicts with a show of power when all they needed was words. All they had to do was talk it out. 

“I won’t give you anything to help you in this war Nia. I’ve killed a boy I loved with my bare hands, stabbing him in the chest. I’ve killed an entire mountain full of people, including people who had helped us. I’ve killed so many more in your fighting pits. Ai laik wanheda. Another tortured girl will just be a notch on my belt.”

“We’ll see about that.” Nia steps away from Clarke and nodded her head, beginning the hour of Costia’s torture. 

In the midst of Costia’s pained cries and begging, Clarke caught sight of Roan’s eyes. She blinked once, closed her eyes for a second, then blinked twice. 

Roan nods his head slightly and averts his eyes from Clarke. He’s got the message. The plan will take place tonight.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not in the mood to write smut hehe, im sorry but you have to use your imagination to finish that part... I'll edit it in the future though.
> 
> Sorry for late update guys!!! school is really overwhelming. did I mention how much I hate chemistry?   
> and I got transferred into a new class. its so hard fitting into an already bonded class :(, hopefully I can make some friends soon. or ill have to skip lunch breaks again (I hate eating alone)  
> anyways, I should be able to update by next week since my tests are on Monday and Tuesday, and I completed half my homework load this week. we'll see, but HIGH HOPES!

Clarke place her lips on Lexa's, moving ever so softly as she pushed the brunette onto her bed. Their bed. She chuckles as Lexa lets out a soft moan from where she laid on her back, her bare body laying atop the bed, green eyes darkening rapidly as she watched Clarke staring down at her.

"Clarke." Lexa whispers, moving her hands up trying to pull the blonde closer to her, but Clarke pulled away, a soft grin lit on her face.

Lexa watched curiously as the blonde knelt in front of the bed, her hands moving across the ground as if she is looking for something. The minute she found what she's looking for, her eyes lit up with a mischievious grin as she smirked at Lexa.

"Babe, you know I trust you right?" Lexa nods, a frown etched on her forehead as she wonders where Clarke is going with this. 

"And I trust you." 

Clarke nods, a full blown smile stretched across her face now. Lexa's eyes widens as she reveals what she's holding in her hands.

"Tie me up." Clarke whispers, showing Lexa the thick ropes in her hands. "I want you to tie me up."

"Clarke… are you sure?" Lexa gulps, heat immediately spreading south of her body.

"A hundred percent." Clarke hands Lexa the ropes. "I trust you Lexa."

"Okay, but if it gets too much, you have to promise me that you will tell me." Lexa holds Clarke's gaze, trying to find any sign of hesistance or reluctance in the blonde's eyes.

"I promise." Clarke nods, her pupils dilating to near black. "Now fuck me Lexa."

——————————  
Lexa jerks awake. A heavy sigh escapes her lips as she stared into the dark tent. This happens every night. She falls asleep, and Clarke always appears. Sometimes, like this, what she dreams about is a memory, and other times, more cruelly, she dreams about what could happen. Clarke reuniting with her, after she had killed Nia. 

The eye bags hanging under her eyes are getting heavier by day. It is almost visible through the black mask she wears through the day. But despite the dreams, she forces herself to sleep every time they stop to break. She needs to gather all the strength she has for the upcoming battle. Skaikru with their guns is an advantage, but she had given them orders to shoot only upon attack. The soldiers are not at fault after all. They’re just following orders after all. 

“Heda.” A voice called out from outside her tenet. Lexa turned towards the clothed entrance, not at all surprised to see Indra’s nymph figure. 

“Come in.” Lexa was still dressed in her under armour. She never wear anything lesser than that in times of war. 

Indra enters the tent, already fully dressed in her armour, not a single sign of exhaustion on her face. And by her side stands Octavia, equally confident and proud as she stood next to her mentor. Indra must've taken the girl back as her seken last night. 

"Heda, my scouts have studied the two Azgeda camp. The one in the east is a mere trading port, barely 20 villagers living in it. The one in the North is a city, housing villagers as well as armies. My guess is Nia would bring wanheda to the North."

"Sha." Lexa nodded. Its barely even a guess. Nia would bring clarke to the city to show off her new prisoner to her people. "We will head North after everyone has eaten. How long will the journey take?" 

"a day at most." 

"Good. Go prepare our army. We will move as soon as possible. We'll rest an hour before entering the city."

"Sha heda." Indra bowed, and Lexa watched almost amusedly as Octavia stumbled to follow her Fos, and then they moved out of the tent. 

Lexa's stomach churned. She's almost afraid of what she would find later that day… She needs Clarke to be alive. Clarke has to be alive. She has to.

\-------------------------------

The night before:

Clarke and Costia watched the door of the cell they were kept in. Clarke still tied up against the wall, and Costia sitting on the ground beside her. Roan is late. Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, ignoring the rawness of the skin thanks to her newfound habit. What if they ditched her? No that can't be. They swore fealty to her. What if Nia found out somehow and killed them? Then she would be killed. Then lexa woul-. 

Right before the most depressing thought could complete itself, the dorr to her cell creaks open and she sagged with relief as Roan stepped in with Ontari.

"Sorry, we are late. W-"

"No time. Costia, get changed and follow Roan and Ontari." Clarke directed the girl as she slipped into the large guard uniform. Costia looked so petite in the oversized uniform. Ontari unchained Clarke from her shackles and started laying out a selection of blades she managed to carry in discreetly. 

"Mochof. Did you bring the herbs too?" Clarke looked at her new ally, relieved as she took out a few brown roots and dried leaves. 

"You are supposed to make a tea with it, but chewing it works too. It will dull your pain, but barely affect your nervous system." Ontari passed the herbs to the blonde. 

"Ok. How long will it last for?" 

"If you eat all of them now… 2 days. I had the healer give me his strongest ones." Clarke nods and immediately dumped the herbs into her mouth. 2 days. That's longer than necessary. She will be out of here before nightfall… dead or alive. Her eyes falls onto the selection of blades. "I'll take the two daggers and the lightest sword. But pass it to me tomorrow after Nia leaves."

Ontari nods and gathers the metal again.

"Go. I'll see you tomorrow." Clarke holds her hands up to be shackled again, her muscles already aching. "Costia?" Clarke calls to her friend.

Costia turns around, and when she met Clarke's eyes, her brown ones are filled with unshed tears.

"Stay safe. Yu gonplei non stei odon. And if I don't make it… take care of Lexa for me. When she had lost you, it crushed her for decade. Don’t make her shut down again. And tell her I'm sorry." Clarke couldn’t stifle the break in her voice.

"Sha… Mochof Clarke. I owe you my life." Costia nods and step out, saving them the awkward looks.

"Clarke? Thank you for doing this." Roan bows slightly towards Clarke. 

"Of course. Now go, hide Costia well, I trust you to keep her safe." Clarke waved them off with her right hand flailing against the shackle. It probably looked ridiculous, but they complied and moved out, shutting the door and leaving Clarke alone in the cold dim cell. 

Only then, did Clarke let the tears fall. Only then, did Clarke let herself feel the fear that she'd kept buried for the sake of Costia. 

She's not ready to die. She just found her happily ever after. It's not fair. Its not fair. Its NOT fair. Clarke wails into the empty cell, too high up for anyone to hear her screams, and yet the entire village seemed to feel its tremors as villagers stirred in their sleep, trees ruffling its leaves in the windless night. 

Morning finally came. Clarke did not managed to catch any sleep, but she felt anything but lethargic. 5…4…3… C larke counted as the tauntingly heavy steps approached her cell. 2…1. just like any day before, the doors slammed open, right on time. Nia and her entourage stepped into the cell, and the two guards behind her immediately moved to the corner clarke had spent so many nights talking to, looking for something that is long gone. Clarke ignores them and roan and ontari, fixing her glare on the ice queen.

"Are you ready to tell me everything yet? Or have you not gotten smarter in the night?" Nia smirks.

Clarke didn’t answer, merely tilting her head to the left slightly as she waited for the two guards to break the news to the queen.

"Ai kwin… she's not here." One of the trembling guards spoke up, fearing the wrath of nia as the younger guard stood behind him.

"WHAT?" Nia snaps in their direction. The taunting smile on her lips wiped off, replace by a furious snarl. "That's not possible." 

"But…" the guard gestures helplessly to the dark, empty corner. Clarke sighs, deciding to save the poor guards, even though she had bled and suffered under thir hands.

"I guess I had gotten smarter. Sneaking out your prisoner from under your nose…" Clarke said mindlessly, her throat sore from her screams last night and the lack of water.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Nia stalked up to her, her face contorted with anger as she grasped Clarke's throat with her cold hands.

"I did what I had to. No one should be in your hands Nia. Your people only stay by your side out of fear. Do they even know what's outside this lands? Or did you feed them with lies instead of the truth. The warm land, the wealth of food, the peace and quiet life people lead." Clarke got her answer from the perk of heads of the two guards behind Nia. 

"Where is she?" Nia squeezed Clarke's throat tighter, her nails digging into her flesh. Before clarke could answer, a guard ran into the cell.

"Ai kwin. Heda is here. She is spotted 2 hours away from the city. Behind her marches an army of all the clans, including Skaikru!" The guard gasps, obviously having ran up the numerous stairs to reach the cell.

Nia growls, squeezing Clarke's throat tighter, so tight that Clarke was afraid she was going to crush her windpipe as black spots started to gather in her vision. Before she could black out, Nia lets go, and Clarke slumps against her restraints as she desperately filled her lungs with much needed air. Slowly, the black spots dissisipated and she managed to capture a moment of victory as Nia threw her a hated glare.

"The two of you, stay here and watch her. Do not lose another of my prisoner." Nia growled at Ontari and Roan, and they bowed down to her, barely able to hide their smiles.

"Sha, Ai kwin." They responded in sync, remaining bent at the waist as Nia swept out of the cell with the two quaking guards. 

When the cell door slammed shut, roan and ontari straightened and immediately got to work. 

Ontari uncuffed Clarke's limbs, holding out a new set of clothes for her to replace her rags with. They are loose yet cut in such a way that she looked lean and strong, perfect for her injured body. the pants had a small pocket at its cuffs, at which Clarke hid a small dagger for the battle later on. Ontari hung a black cape over her shoulders as soon as she's dressed, and her weapons strapped to her body.

"Wanheda's cape. People will fear and respect you with this." Ontari answers her unspoken question. Clarke nods in acceptance. The dark haired girl then moves to clarke's hair, her deft fingers quickly threading through her blonde maine to form a simple braid, keeping her hair out of her face.

Meanwhile, as Ontari prepared her physically, Roan prepped her mentally.

"My mother gets reckless when she is emotional. You have to get under her skin if you want to win this battle. Do it fast, or you will lose all your energy and lose your head to her sword." Roan says as he feeds her small cubes of meat and sugar, alternating between the two until she shook her head, refusing to take in anymore for fear of vomitting in the midst of the battle, sending her to her death.

"We will get you a horse, it should be waiting downstairs as we speak. To save time, I will carry you down the stairs, and you walk to the horse to get used to moving again ok?"

Clarke nods, swinging her sword around, trying to familiarise herself with its weight, still too heavy for her even though it is the lightest they have. Apparently Azgeda believed that light swords are weak and easily broken. If you can't hold onto a strong sword, you are not fit to be a warrior. 

"I'm ready. Let's go." Clarke nods and Roan bent slightly for Clarke to hop onto his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! please leave me some kudos if you haven't hehe, I love seeing the numbers increase.


	34. Chapter 34

Lexa sat atop her horse, overlooking her army as she watched them reassemble into their groups, guided by Indra. Everyone obediently followed instructions, not a single complain falling from their lips as they moved to their groups. It is what she expected of her people, but she thought that Skaikru would whine about everything and anything, but for once, they seemed to be able to read the room, understanding the urgency of the situation, and hence accepting the positions they were given.

Indra gave her a nod as the 60 groups of soldiers, 20 in every group in addition to 2 armed skaikru, looked to her for the final speech. They had all been briefed on the plans the day before. Now all they needed was the spark to ignite the flame dwindling within them.

"Today, we take our final steps towards the peace we have fought for for decades. Azgeda may be a part of the coalition, however their queen has time and time again attacked me, you and your family. That ends today!" A cheer broke out amongst her warriors. 

"Will you fight with me to take down the queen once and for all?" The soldiers cheered their accent, even the trees in the forest seemed to wave in support.

"Let's fight for our family, our children, our clans!" Lexa pumped the air with her sword in hand, letting the cheers of her fellow warriors carry her higher, making her adrenaline flow. 

“LETS GO TO WAR”

—————————————

Nia anxiously put on her armour. This is all going wrong. The commander wasn’t supposed to reach so soon. Her armies are barely ready, the formation of attacks just finalised yesterday. And Wanheda has yet to spill her secrets. 

Nia growled softly. Clarke was supposed to have broken two days ago, the thing with Costia a mere last resort. She was going to break today, Nia knows she will… would if Costia hadn’t disappeared. Nia was ready to kill Costia today. Her plan was to make the two girls bond, leaving them in the dungeon for long enough to instill the bond of friendship between them, or to make Clarke feel betrayed by the love Costia holds for Lexa till she’s ready to betray Lexa and help her instead. 

But now, her plan has gone to ruins. She needs to change everything. She purse her lips. 

"Armin. Unleash the white paunas on the army, with their caretakers to guide them. That will be our first line of defence."

"Sha Ai kwin." Armin, a small boy barely 15 summers old, sprinted to the cages where the gigantic beasts are kept.

"Karl, how many soldiers do we have?"

"700 trained soldiers, 100 novitiates and 89 in the pits." 

"How many does Heda have?"

"over a thousand." Karl winces, awaiting his queen's outrage.

"Send the army into formation, 5 generals leading them into the fight. Bring me Wanheda, we will lead the army in." Karl relaxed slightly as he listened to Nia's mind click as she thought deeply.

"Sha ai kwin." 

\---------------------------------------

Lexa raced into Azgeda's land, her army obediently splitting into its formation, not a hint of hesistation in sight, not even from Skaikru. Lexa had no time to feel proud though. She was too focused on saving her skai princess from the hands of Queen Nia. 

Lexa stuck by her team, anticipating the first wave of warriors… instead, she was met by the gigantic beasts Azgeda is known for. 

"Whye Pauna." Lexa's eyes widens, her grip on her sword tightening. "Skaikru." Lexa shouted to Lincoln behind her, and Lincoln obediently picked up his horn, blowing 3 short blows and one long one. Almost immediately, loud pops of gunshots surrounds them as every Skaikru shot at the white paunas. Lexa smirks as the paunas fell to their death, or the ones still standing were too injured to properly defend themselves. Lexa and her frontline soldiers made quick work of the paunas, depositing the remnants onto the white carpet of snow, now dyed red.

As soon as the last body of the pauna fell to the ground, the ground shook as boots of the army stomped on the ground, roars of the soldiers making the horses perk up in excitement. 

"ATTACK!" Lexa shouted and even though only 2 of the teams could hear her, their cheers reverberated through her army as they met Azgeda with sharp clashes of swords. 

Nia watched from afar as her soldiers succumbed to the power of heda and her army, the snow dyed red with the blood of her soldiers as they fell like dominoes. Nia pursed her lips again, her best soldiers are falling like flies, barely taking down a quarter of the commander's army, this is not sustainable. 

"Ai kwin… Wanheda is gone." Karl reported back to the queen, standing as far away as he dared though he knew his inevitable fate.

"NOMONJOKA" Nia yelled, pulling out her sword and slicing the boy's head off, not even watching as it rolled down the platform she stood on. The poor boy didn't even have the chance to let out his final scream.

"Ai kwin, what do we do now?" Her most trusted general asked.

"Now, we take down the commander. Bring me my useless son and daughter. They will answer for the disappearance of wanheda after they have slain heda." Nia spat, steering her horse to the middle of the combat, where the majority of her soldiers have fallen. That must be where lexa is, only the skills of the commander can slay that many that quickly.

Too bad, she should have conserved her energy for the fight to save her life. Nia smirked. It's time for a new era.


	35. Chapter 35

Lexa panted as another warrior fell at her feet. She had abandoned her horse long ago in favour of the freedom that being on her feet gives her. Her team surrounds her with their horses, protecting her from the threats towering over her as she settled the ones too low for them. They are a well-oiled machine. Lexa smirked as the last warrior in 1 mile radius fell dead to their swords.

Her eyes flitted across the clearing, trying to find any sign of the blonde haired princess she's come to love. Instead, her eyes were attracted to the silver haired queen, trotting casually atop her high horse towards her. Lexa's lips curled up into a snarl as she turned towards Lincoln. Lincoln wordlessly slid off his horse and held it steady for the commander to climb atop. 

"Leksa?" a soft voice, one that she thought she'd never hear again reached her ears. Lexa spun around quickly, the vantage point upon the large war horse allowing her to rise above warriors who would be towering over her, and she almost fell off the horse in shock.

“Costia.” Lexa gapes as the brunette she was so in love with came back to life and was running towards her. Lexa broke into a big smile, and she jumped off the horse to welcome back her love. Tears of joy ran down her face and in that moment, she could think of nothing else but Costia. Costia. Her first love. Her supporter. She wrapped her arms around costia’s body, embracing the girl with all that she had. Costia is alive. Costia is alive. 

“How?” Lexa stammered, tightening her hold on the brunette. 

“Clarke. Clarke saved me.” Costia murmured and Lexa froze. 

Clarke. 

She let go of Costia and spun around to look for the blonde. 

"KWIN NIA!" a voice echoed through the field, rising above the clashing of blades and war cries. Every warrior seemed to have come to a silent agreement as they stopped the fight amongst themselves and looked up to where the Azgeda Queen stopped her horse. Just a few feet away from Lexa, then their eyes flitted across the field to where the shout has come from, zeroing in on the red haired warrior galloping atop her own horse towards the queen.

Except… for every second that passed, every step that she got closer, the warriors and Lexa could see that the warrior was someone they all knew. 

"wanheda." whispers erupted among the crowd as Clarke slowed to a stop. Lexa gapes at the girl, her eyes scanning her body. Most of her skin has been covered by the black coat she donned, but even then, Lexa could tell she lost weight. Her eyes flitted to her face, and Lexa flinched back so violently the horse protested beneath her. Clarke hadnt died her hair red… her hair was covered in dried blood.

Realisation seemed to peak amongst the army as exclamations erupted. Clarke paid them all no heed as she glared at Nia.

"Kwin Nia, ai Klarke kom Skaikru, Wanheda, kol au Yu gon a solou gonplei." Clarke's voice easily travel across the land. 

"Queen Nia, I clarke of the sky peopl challenge you to a single combat. We will fight to the death."

"And why would I want to fight you? What would I gain if I win?" Nia scoffs. 

"If you win, you will get the powers of Wanheda. When I win, you are no longer the queen of your people. Do you accept?" Clarke answers, her chin tilted up slightly higher. 

"Heda? What's happening?" Octavia asks behind her shakily. By then, the soldiers have stopped the war. All of them understanding that there is no point in fighting now. When a challenge is issued, the challenged must accept, or her people would think her as weak and kill her anyways.

Lexa didn’t answer the sky girl. Instead she commands, "Get Abby and Nyko here. When Clarke wins, she will need all the assistance she can get." Lexa couldn’t see the extent of damage Clarke's time in Azgeda had caused, but she could see in the stiffness of Clarke that it isn't trivial.

"Heda, you have to stop this! Clarke can-" 

"Oktavia kom trikru." Indra interrupted the girl before she could curse Clarke to her death. "Once a challenge has been issued, nothing and no one, not even Heda can stop it. If you finished your sentence, you would have condemned Wanheda to her death. Wanheda is strong, she will survive this. Now follow your orders and get the healers here."

Octavia's head fell and she all but sprinted back to the tree lines where they had left the healers to tend to injured warriors.

As they awaited Queen Nia's confirmation of the fight, Clarke's eyes flickered to where Lexa stood with Costia. 

“Lexa, she saved me. She gave me her rations to ensure that I have enough energy to get out of the cell I was kept in. She allowed herself to get tortured so as to keep Nia’s attention off of me. Throughout her stay, her plans focused on getting me out. Not her, but me." Costia murmurs, her voice a complete opposite of the hammering of her heart.

Right then, Clarke flashed them a smile, her face breaking its stoic expression showing her acceptance of her fate, and her happiness for Lexa.

“I accept your challenge wanheda. Seems like today will be the day I will get to claim the power of wanheda." Nia smirks at the blonde. 

"No…" Lexa knew it was coming but her knees still buckled slightly.

"Lexa! Do something!" Raven and Bellamy ran towards her, desperate to save their friend.

"I can't… No one can interrupt a challenge that is accepted." Lexa gasps out, the pain in her heart growing stronger.

"So what? We stand here and watch Clarke get killed?" Bellamy spat, disbelief colouring his features.

"No. we stand here and get ready to help her when she wins." Costia answered on behalf of Lexa. "She is strong. The strongest person I've ever met. She will not succumb to Nia's blade just like that."

"And who the hell are you?" Raven looked at Costia curiously.

"My name is Costia. I was Lexa's lover before Nia took me." Costia smiled. "Nice to meet you. You are Raven and Bellamy. Clarke told me all about you." 

"She did?" Octavia frowned.

"Yes. In the cell when its too quiet, she'd tell me stories about her and her friends. It seems like she'd give up everything for you guys" 

"She already did." Raven mumbles, hiding her face in Bellamy's cloak.

All conversation came to a halt as Nia slid off her horse, landing on the snow beneath her. 

\--------------------

"Do you need some help getting off your horse wanheda? It's the least I can do to thank you for offering your powers to me." Nia smirks.

Clarke glares at the Ice Queen, her words reminding her of the still bleeding wounds covering her body, already staining the new clothes that Ontari had gifted her.

Clarke shrugs off the cape, for once grateful for the icy bite of the winds as it numbs the pain of her wounds.

Her back still burns from the whips Nia had sentenced her to 2 days ago, her fingers numb as it adjusted t the feeling of having no nails, or having them hanging off its nailbeds, her head pounds from the concussion she surely have from the time when the guards tossed her to the ground so carelessly, her head bounced up from the stone floor… Clarke shook her head. If she were to go through every injury she sustained, they would freeze to death before they started the fight. 

Clarke understood that the chances of her leaving this war alive is close to zero, but the chances of her killing Nia is favourable. Clarke steels herself as she slid off the horse, trying not to grimace in pain as wounds that have scabbed over tore apart once more.

She grasps at the side of the horse as she felt her legs buckle beneath her, allowing Nia to watch her weak state. That'd boost her ego way too much and make her overconfident of her victory, ultimately working in Clarke's favour.

Clarke lightly tap the white horse that had endured her vigorous and horrible riding form, allowing it to gallop away. Next, she looked towards Lexa, her mother mysteriously appearing by her side, giving Clarke a sense of relief. At least she'd get to say goodbye this time. 

"May we meet again." Clarke mumbles under her breath before she turned to face Nia. The queen already has her sword out, impatiently waiting for Clarke to do the same. Only when both warriors have drawn their swords will the match begin. 

Clarke took a deep breath and drew the sword from her back. As soon as the blade was free, Nia charged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a tease oops


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAMN THREE CHAPTERS IN A FEW HOURS! you're welcome guys ;) I'd continue writing but I have this thing called school... Hope you enjoy it! (the chapters not school)

Clarke watched as Nia charged towards her, waiting till the last minute to step aside. She needs to conserve her limited amount of energy, but she has to toy with the queen to rile her up. You can do this Clarke. She chanted to herself. You have won battles in far worse conditions. 

"The bull you had set me up with in the pits are a better shot than you Nia." Clarke said absentmindedly, twirling the sword in her hand seemingly nonchalant, but in fact, she was trying to get blood flowing to her fingertips. 

Nia growls. "Don't get too cocky when your head is seperated from your body." 

Nia charged again, but this time, Clarke barely managed to slide away but still extended her sword far enough to slice the queen on her right arm.

"Oh look, the queen bleeds red. How mundane of someone who claims to be better than heda herself." Clarke cocks her head at Nia, smiling as she heard soft chuckles from her audience. 

The azgeda warriors who had witnessed her in the pits knew how she fought. Clarke plays with her opponents, sliding in snark remarks just for the sake of it. 

At the sound of her warriors laughter, Nia's face took a dark turn and she dashed towards Clarke , determinations et within her eyes. This is the moment Roan had told her to be ready for. Clarke held her sword up, meeting the queen's which was coming down in a wide arc, ready to slice her head into two. The force of the collision caused tremors down Clarke's arm, but Clarke summoned her energy to push.

With a roar, Clarke lifted one leg to kick the Queen back, forcing her to step away, giving Clarke the space to maneuver. Ignoring the screaming of her back, the soreness of her muscles, the dull thud in her head, Clarke twistedher body into the air, catching Nia's sword with her feet, kicking it away from them with one leg, while the other extended outwards to kick the queen in the face. 

Nia huffed from the impact, her head snapping to the right, a splatter of bloody spit littering the pure white snow, Before Nia could compose herslef, Clarke landed on her two legs and used the flat of her blade to smack the queen on her head, the impact forcing the queen down onto her knees. 

"Yu gonplei stei odon." Clarke aims her sword at Nia's neck, ready to slice her head straight off.

"Never." Nia growls. Nia reached up, pressing her hand into the stab wound on Clarke's thigh, one that she had ordered just 2 days ago. Clarke lets out a piercing scream as she crumples to her knees, her hold on her sword flailing as the heavy blade fell onto the snow. Tears sprung to Clarke's eyes as she gasped in pain. 

Stop being weak clarke. It's a small wound, don't let Nia win because of a small wound. If Nia wins, she would kill Lexa and go to war with the people in Polis, and Skaikru just because she can. The shock of this revelation seemed to give Clarke all the energy that she needs and she grits her teeth and pushed the pain aside, but as soon as she looked up, she felt a stab in her abdomen. Clarke looked down at the small, yet long blade Nia had stuck into her, her eyes widening.

"Yu gonplei stei odon. Wanheda's powers will be mine." Nia grinned victoriously, her eyes sweeping past her sea of warriors. Wanting to make a show of Clarke's death.

That was her first mistake. A fight is not over till one is dead. 

With shaking, but sure hands, Clarke reached into her shirt to grasp at the dagger she had stored in her armour. She looked up and with as much energy as she could garner, Clarke shot up, slicing the blade across Nia's neck, the sharp blade effectively cutting through her oesophagus. A spray of red blood covered Clarke's face as Nia choked on her own blood, her hands reaching up one last time to her neck, before she fell onto the snow, her body still and leaking blood. 

Clarke turned to her left, and as planned, Roan and Ontari appeared, removing their warrior masks that had camouflaged them into the army as they snuck into the battle scene. With the remnants of her energy, Clarke turned to the people awaiting for the final declaration.

"THE QUEEN IS DEAD!" clarke announces, her eyes meeting every warriors' before Costia's, then Lexa's. "Long live the king." Clarke turned away from the deep green eyes that threatened to pull her into its depth, forcing herself to look at Roan. "I trust that you will lead this nation into prosperity and happiness, a nation where its people can live in peace." Roan nods his head and bows down towards Clarke.

"Sha wanheda."

Drops of blood splattered to the crunchy snow below her. Clarke looked dow, her eyes widening slightly at the pool of blood at her feet. woah, that's all from me? Clarke felt her knees buckle as she swayed slightly, her energy depleted now that she had completed her mission. The adrenaline fading away from her blood stream… probably in the pool of blood that currently lay below her feet. Clarke forces herself to meet Lexa's gaze.

Clarke looks up as Lexa ran straight towards her. She probably looks scary right now, blood dripping off almost every inch of her body, some of it being Nia's but most is hers. Her legs suddenly became too weak to hold herself up. 

Everything seemed to haze together then, the scene in front of her blurring together, but she can still make out the shape of Lexa as she got nearer and nearer to her. She was so close… just a few steps away, but Clarke couldn't hold on anymore. Her knees buckles, unable to hold her up anymore and she falls onto the snow, the flakes crunching beneath her knees. Lexa is nearer now, but still way too far.

"Ai gonplei stei odon." Clarke murmurs as she falls face first into the snow. The blood loss, weariness and hunger taking its toll on her body. 

"CLARKE!" Lexa yell felt distant but she is right by her side, the brunette carefully yet urgently picking the blonde up. 

"Don't worry Lexa. You won't be alone. Costia is here. I made sure of it. Don't be afraid to love Lexa. Your heart is so big, it shouldn't be deprived of love." Clarke murmurs, a trail of blood flowing from the side of her lip. "I'll always be with you Lex." Clarke whispers before giving in to the darkness. It only seemed right after all, giving Lexa the permission she knows she will need to move on from her death. This would be easier for the both of them anyways. Now, Lexa doesn't have to choose between her and Costia. Her death is timely, and most likely, long overdue. And with that, Clarke lets go, falling into the dark abys awaiting her. She did it. She no longer owe anything more to her people. She's free.

\-----------------------------

Lexa watched the fight, her body stiff with fear. She watched as Clarke goaded the queen, a smile appearing on her face as she easily offended the ice queen. Hope blossomed in her chest as Nia was disarmed in an impressive manoeuvre and on her knees before Clarke. But it seemed too easy, too quick. And she was right. Lexa could feel her heart stop when Nia attacked the blonde. Costia gasps beside her, her hand gripping her biceps so hard, it was going to leave behind imprints, but Lexa barely felt it. She just watched helplessly as Nia sank a blade she had whipped out from her boot into Clarke's stomach.

"Yu gonplei stei odon. Wanheda's powers will be mine." Nia had looked up to meet her eyes as she smirked victoriously. Lexa had to bite her lip to keep from screaming, breaking down in front of her people. If Nia had killed Clarke, the coalition is in danger. Leaders will believe the ice queen has the power of the commander of death and will most likely retaliate agaisnt her. As Lexa thought about her plans for the future, plans to save the coalition from Nia's hands, a flash of red jumped up and in the next moment, Nia was dead, lying on the ground. 

"THE QUEEN IS DEAD!" clarke announced, her eyes moving across the sea of warriors, before meeting hers. "Long live the king." Clarke turned away from her, to look to the Azgeda prince. "I trust that you will lead this nation into prosperity and happiness, a nation where its people can live in peace." Roan nods his head and bows down towards Clarke.

"Sha wanheda." 

Lexa smiled then as she looked at the prince, it's over. It's finally over. 

A swaying red head catch her eyes, and Lexa slapped herself. She forgot. How could she forget. 

"Nyko! Abby!" Lexa commanded as she flew forward towards the warrior struggling to stand on her feet. 

Lexa ran as fast as she could, the snow hindering her progress forward but she didn't stop. Her eyes widen with horror as Clarke collapses to her knees, the snow surrounding her dyed red. But that's not what scares her the most. No. Clarke was looking at her with that look. She's letting go. She's leaving her again.

"CLARKE!" Lexa yells and dove forward, covering the last few steps in a few seconds but she still wasn't fast enough as Clarke collapses down into the snow. Lexa wrapped her arms around the frail body of the blonde. This is not how she expected the reunion to go. Clarke is supposed to be warm and soft, and safe. Not like this. She's cold as an icicle. 

"Don't worry Lexa. You won't be alone. Costia is here. I made sure of it. Don't be afraid to love Lexa. Your heart is so big, it shouldn't be deprived of love. I'll always be with you Lex" she heard Clarke whisper before her body goes slack in her arms. 

"Clarke! Your spirit is going to stay where it is. You are not dying today you hear that? I can't lose you." The words flows out of Lexa's mouth without permission from her brain. All she could think of was the fading light from the love of her life. She felt hands pull at her body while another set lifted Clarke off of her. She triedto protest, to fight for Clarke, but the people who held her back had expected it as they held her tighter, practically immobilizing her despite her desperate thrusts. 

"Lexa, they're taking her to the tent to heal her. We'll meet them there okay?" A voice broke through the crashing wave of her brain and Lexa nods, standing on shaky legs as she allowed the person to guide her through the parting warriors towards the tent that they had set up at the tree line. 

Clarke… Lexa watched as the blonde was carried atop the back of the white horse which galloped to the tree line. Clarke, stay with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I promise this will be the last cliffhanger.


	37. Chapter 37

Abby and Nyko rushed the limp girl to the tent that they had managed to set up. Abby's heart was racing, her stomach coiling making her want to puke. 

Her mind cruelly brought her back to her last conversation with Clarke… which was less of a conversation and more of her lecturing her daughter, refusing to listen to her talk as she was so caught up in her own head, refusing to hear her daughter's side of the story, refusing to forgive her. Abby lets out a choked sob. 

"I'm so sorry Clarke." she whispers as the horse she and Nyko was on skid to a stop. 

At the side of the white tent, Abby pushed every thought out of her head, forcing herself to commit to her duties as a doctor. After stabilising Clarke, then she will mourn at her stupid acts.

Abby jumped off the horse after passing the body in her arms to Nyko, and all but ran into the tent. 

Despite meeting each other merely a week ago, after Skaikru was accepted into the coalition, the pair of healers worked fluidly beside one another.

Nyko placed the sky princess on the metal table while Abby prepared all the tools that they might need, her mind running through the list of injuries that she knows Clarke has sustained and prepared accordingly.

"Place two knives in the fire." Nyko told her as he cut open the black shirt covering Clarke's body. They have to address the knife sticking out of her stomach first then move on to the more minor wounds.

"Stitches should be sufficient, there's no need to cauterize any wounds." Abby said thoughtlessly, but placed the knives in the fire anyway. If there was one thing she learnt as a doctor, it was to never ignore another healer's precautions. More often than not, it saves lives.

Abby carried the tray full of equiptment to the metal table, standing opposite Nyko. Her eyes are immediately drawn to the knife sticking out of pale skin that appears as Gustus cleaned the akin around the wound. 

"She missed the stomach, but the knife might have pierced the liver. Do you know how long the blade is?" Abby tried to assess the situation before cutting open the body.

"It's a small knife, not a dagger, so it should be around 3 to 4 inches long." Nyko frowns.

"It's 4 and a half inches long, coated with the poison of the rat snake." A new voice entered the tent and both healers looked up to the intruders. "I brought the herbs needed for the remedy." Roan nods to the healers as he stepped to the fire and started prepping. Behind him stood Ontari, Costia and Lexa, both girls' eyes fixated on the body that laid before them.

"Great. I need two of you to hold her down, and one to help prepare the cure as well as the tea for the pain." Nyko gestured to the three girls, ushering them forward. Lexa took her place by Clarke's head while Ontari straddled Clarke's legs and placed her hands on her hips. Costia wordlessly moved to Roan's side, helping to grind the herbs.

"We already gave her theherbs for the pain. She swallowed the herbs without boiling them so it should still be in her body." Ontari told them.

"Good, but she will still thrash. This is going to hurt a lot." Abby looked at Nyko. "Ready?" 

Nyko nods, placing his hands by the wound as abby carefully pulled the knife free. She sniffs the air as soon as the knife was free and a load of weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"The knife did not pierce through the liver. If it did, a sour smell would be present." Abby told Nyko who nodded, taking in this knowledge to share with his sekons. 

"We should use the knife to cauterise the wound. Prevent anymore blood loss." abby nodded and retrieved one of the knives, the blade white-hot. Using her fingers, Abby pinched the muscle together, her heart breaking a little as the unconscious girl let out a small whimper. 

"Hold her still." Abby told the girls holding her down. Then she pressed the blade to the skin.

A piercing scream erupted, and Clarke thrashed wildly, trying to get away from the agonising pain. Ontari and Lexa did their best to hold her down, allowing Abby to hold the knife against the open wound. Abby looked up towards Lexa who was holding down Clarke's shoulder and head, tears streaming down her face as she watched her love suffer. The older woman watched in shock as the tears fell from the commander's eyes. This is the first time she's seen the commander showing so much emotion. She really loves her daughter.

Abby removes the knife from blistering skin, wiped the now cool blade clean of blood and place it back in the fire. Hopefully they will not have to use it anymore. Clarke's screams slowly wind down to whimpers as her head lolls to the side.

"Her thigh." Costia's soft voice pulled the attention of everyone in the tent. Abby looked at the tiny girl, her skin pale as if it has not met the sun in a long time, bones visible against her skin but not sticking out. "Nia stabbed her thigh."

Nyko nods and proceeded to cut away the leggings that Clarke wore, effectively stripping the girl to her underwear. Ontari gulps, for a moment she had forgotten the state that Clarke is in after Clarke had fought the Ice queen showing little to no pain.

Abby and Lexa stared at the newly exposed skin, both womens' heart cracking. Roan stood up from his spot and moved to Lexa.

"Heda, I'll hold Clarke down, I was never good at making medicine." Roan gently but firmly pushed the shaking commander away from the limp body of her love, sparing her the pain of discovering just how bad Nia had tortured Clarke. As the days went on, Nia grew more desperate, and the time she spent torturing Clarke grew longer from 2 hours a day to nearly 12 hours. Roan felt his respect for the sky girl shoot to the sky.

Nyko, used to seeing warriors with stab wounds and cuts barely flinched. He picked up the needle and string as soon as he saw the wound, measuring out the thread to be long enough to sew the cut that extended from the girl's hips to her knee, and got to work, practicing the skill that abby had recently helped him master. After the shock had subsided, Abby moved to sew 3 other cuts close, all of them measuring an inch long.

"The two of you, wash away the blood and dirt from Wanheda's torso. The cloth and bucket is there." Nyko gestured to the bottom of the table.

The hours drag on, the two healers working on the seemingly never ending injuries on Clarke's body. They had to retrieve snow to melt so many times that the clearing in front of the tent is bare of snow, and they had to walk into the forest to fill the bucket. 

When the medicine was brewed, Lexa gently poured the warm tea into clarke's mouth, holding her head up so that the drink will go down her throat. 

An hour later, Abby finally finished bandaging the last wound on the front of Clarke's body. 

"Her back…" Costia spoke again from the corner where she had managed to drag Lexa to so that they would not interfere as the healers worked. Roan and Ontari had left trule the nation that Clarke had won for them. Roan's first plan was to pick out each and every Nia loyalties, he had memorised the names and faces over the years. "I should warn you, Nia whipped her back with barbed belt. Most of them should have scabbed over, but she might've reopened some during the fight."

Abby nods her head, trying not to let the shudders overcome her as her body recalled the pain of the lashing Kane had sentenced her to. Without prompting, Lexa stood up to help flip Clarke onto her front so that they can work on her back. Nyko gently pulled the shirt that had stuck onto Clarke's back as her blood dried.

"Oh Clarke…" Abby's eyes watered as she stared at the jagged lines that criss crossed the back of her daughter. Some of the cuts have dried and healed, but the others have split open and trickles of blood seeped through the open wound.

"I'll get more snow." Nyko said before ducking out of the tent.

Abby choked on a sob as she stared at her daughter's back. She tenderly wipes the blood away with the last clean clothe they have, wincing as more blood trail down her back.

"I need to-" Lexa looked lost as she stared at the open wounds. "I got to…" Then she ran out of the tent, away from the stench of iron that lingers in the air, away from the possibility that the love of her life might be dying.

"I'll go make sure she's alright." Costia nods to Abby and Nyko who just reentered the tent before sprinting out after Lexa.

"She's going to be okay. She's a strong spirit this one." Nyko said as he place the bucket of snow above the fire. Abby nods, and readied yet another needle and thread.

\-------------------------------

"Lexa! Lex!" Costia wheezes as she tried to catch up to the commander. But even if she was in her best health, costia knew that she won't be able to catch up. A sharp pain stabs at her back, reminding her of the series of cuts that Nia had recently decorated her back with, and being distracted, she tripped over a protruding tree root.

"Jok!" A curse escapes her lips as she tumbles to the thin layer of snow on the forest ground. She squeezes her eyes shut as she waits for the wave upon wave of pain to pass. 

"I'm sorry." Costia snaps her eyes open to find the girl she was chasing hovering above her, extending a hand to help her up. Tears were brewing in the deep green eyes. Costia reaches up to grasp the hand extended to her, letting out a gasp of surprise as she was effortlessly pulled to her feet. Once she was steady, Costia reaches forward to pull the brunette into her arms.

"It's okay Lexa, she's going to be okay." Costia murmurs, her voice soft and melodious in Lexa's ears. Before long. The brunette was sobbing into her arms. Costia guides the girl towards a fallen tree, sitting the two of them on the log. Costia murmurs softly as she held Lexa in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long... I just can't get this chapter to flow like I want to....I'll probably come back to edit it in the future.   
> I think you'll like the next chapter though ;) I started on it but I might only be ablt=e to post next week.... goddamn tests


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before y’all head in.... I’m not that good at writing emotional stuff hehe

Everything is so peaceful. Clarke could feel a smile grace her face as her heart, lighter than ever, felt like it was floating in her chest. Something is wrong, but Clarke just can’t bring her self to ponder upon it. Everything is just so… peaceful.

“Clarkey poo.” 

Clarke’s eyes snaps open. Only one person calls her that. Someone whose voice she never thought she’d hear again. Clarke winces as bright light greeted her eyes, causing her to go blind for a moment. As soon as she regained her vision though, Clarke spun around to look for the source of the voice. Is this a dream? 

Clarke was standing in the forest clearing, the clearing where she and Lexa stopped to rest after fighting the pauna. 

“you’re safe Clarke.” The voice echoed the very words Lexa had told her. Clarke’s had snapped to the voice, and there he is. Jake Griffin in the flesh. 

“Dad? DAD!” Clarke cries as she sprints over to her father, yearning to be wrapped In The warmth that had comforted her as a child. A sob escapes her mouth as she leapt into her father’s arms, wrapping her limbs around his body as tightly as she could. “You’re here. You’re here…” Clarke sniffles, burying her face in his shirt as she breathed in his scent. “You’re here.”

“I’m here Clarke. Shhh.” Jake wraps his arms around his daughter, a tear trailing down his face as he buries his nose in his daughter's hair. 

"why are you here? Am I dead? Is that why I can see you?" 

"No you're not dead, just in extreme pain. Your subconscious is escaping the pain right now, and it really wants to see me it seems." Jake grins as he pulls away to look at his daughter. "I'm so proud of you clarke."

"You are?" Clarke looked at her father in confusion." But I've killed so many. I've killed thousands of people dad! Hundreds of them, I have killed with my own hands… I didn't manage to save Wells, Charlotte, people who helped us had died because of me. I've killed warriors who were just trying to fight for another day to live, I've watched hundreds burn alive twice and did nothing to stop it or to help them. How can you be proud of me?" 

"What you had to become is not who you are Clarke. I may not know everything you did, but I can still see the heart of gold, the heart in my daughter that wants to save and help everyone. And that's how I know that you are not lost in your head. That's why I'm proud of you Clarke. I always will be." Jake used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the trails of tears that had been unconsciously flowing from Clarke's eyes.

"You sound like her you know?" Clarke sniffles. 

"Well, Lexa must be really wise." Jake grins at his daughter. 

"I missed you dad." Clarke sighs as she takes in her father. 

"I miss you too kiddo. But know that I will always be with you. I will always love you and be proud of you." Jake murmurs. 

Clarke nods her head.

"So. This is earth huh?" Jake gestures to his surroundings. 

"Yea. Its so beautiful dad! You will love it. The people are nice too. Well most of them." Clarke started to recount every happy detail of her time on the ground, omitting the painful ones, as she walked with her father through the woods. Jake smiles as he listened to his daughter ramble, taking in every syllable she uttered, and wasn't at all surprised by her favourite subject. A certain brunette with extremely captivating green eyes. 

All too soon, she felt a small tug on her body. Their surroundings started to glitch.

"Dad? What's happening?" Clarke looked at her father in horror as small pixels of him starts to disappear.

"You are waking up Clarke. It's time for you to join the real world." Jake smiles, his adam's apple bobbed slightly as he fought the tears tryign to escape. The sobs that are threatening to rack his body.

"I… I don't want to leave you." fear thumped in Clarke's chest, squeezing her lungs together as she watched her father disappear in front of her eyes… again 

"The dead is dead Clarke, but I will always be here. I'm so glad we have managed to meet this time.. Although promise me, the next time we meet, you will be old and grey, having lived a happy life on earth." Jake ran 'his thumb along the jawline of his daughter again. "Tell your mother I love her Clarke.

"Mum hates me now dad." Clarke shakes her head, recalling Abby yelling at her in the tent, right before she was taken.

"She loves you so much Clarke, sometimes she just don't know how to express it." Jake shakes his head. By then, Jake was nearly gone, his form is gleaming white as he dissolves into the white light he had appeared from. "There's not much time left… but promise me you will talk to her, no matter how hard she makes it . "

"I promise dad. I love you." Clarke sniffs, fat, droplet of tears falling like a waterfall down her cheeks. .

"I love you too kiddo." Jake gave her a small salute before disappearing altogether, and once again, after a bright flash of light, Clarke was floating in a dark abyss. Alone.

\--------------------------------------

Lexa leans against Costia in the forest, playing with the girl's fingers. Her heart thumping as she felt the warmth radiating off the other girl’s skin. she’s alive. Costia is alive and right next to her. Nia didn’t kill her love. Costia is alive. 

Lexa started panicking. Costia is alive. Always was, and Lexa had given up. Lexa didn’t even try to go after her. Lexa had fallen in love with someone else… Clarke. 

"Costia…" Lexa started, unsure of where she is going with that sentence.

Costia seemed to get it though. She always do.

"You love Clarke don't you?"Costia laughs as Lexa jumped in shock, her eyes as wide as saucepans. "It's okay. I like her, you chose the right girl Lex."

"You're not mad?" Lexa asked hesistantly.

"I'm not. It's been years since we were… separated. We have both grown, changed from the last time we met Lex. I don’t expect you to still be in love with me, to not move on." Costia murmurs.

"I'm sorry for not going after you… I'm sorry for not trying harder." Lexa clench her fists, trying to hold in tears as she thought about what could have been. After all, her love for Costia never truly died.

"You thought I was dead, you had to keep the Coalition in place. I understand your actions Lex. In fact, I support them. As commander, you have to make decisions with your head and not your heart right?" 

"I hate it sometimes…" Lexa confesses, feeling a weight lifting off her shoulders. "It hurts everyone I love and I can't do anything about it. I cant save anyone I love Cost. I couldn’t save you, I couldn’t save Anya, I couldn’t save Clarke…"

"But you saved thousands. You created a coalition that everyone never thought was possible to. You have created peace amongst our people and kept it going for years. You have allowed our people to thrive, to allow the children to grow up in a world that is not torn apart by war. I'm so proud of you Lexa. Anya would be too." 

Lexa nods her head, and this time, when the silence envelops them, it was comfortable and relaxed. Both girls feeling at ease with one another again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all liked it


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm slow. I'm sorry! it's exam week so im stressed with schoolworkkkkk.

Everything hurts. Every bone in her body felt sore and bruised, every muscle strained and pulled. Her skin felt as if it was burnt and every nerve is exposed to the chilling air. It was not numbing in the least. Hell, it felt like she's being roasted over a fire.

Clarke longs to be back in that forest with her father, longs to be leaning against the ever sturdy shoulder of jake griffin. Always there for her to lean on, to cry on, to seek strength from. Until he was floated. Her consciousness slowly returned to her aching body, one that has been through too much. Battered, scarred and bruised. The number of wounds on her overshadowing the amount of skin that remains unscathed from her time on earth. But nonetheless, Clarke grasped at the rope-like object holding her to her body. She has no idea what it is, but it does feel like life and death. 

Something cackles beside her. A fire, clarke thought groggily. Right, she feels warmer on her right side than her left, she must be in a medical tent. Clarke tries to open her eyes to confirm, but her eyelids refuses to cooperate. It was not necessary though, as her sense of smell returned to her, her nostrils stings with the smell of blood and antiseptic. Arkadia must have been here, grounders do not use alcohol as antiseptic. Theirs are made of salves, all natural, however weaker than what they had on the ark. If Skaikru is here… does that mean her mum is here? Did she forgive her for all her wrongdoings?

A wave of cold air wafted over her body. Someone must have opened the tent, Clarke thought.

"Will she wake up?" A rough voice asked. Roan.

"Her injuries are extensive and severe. She has lost a lot of blood, but I have confidence that she is going to wake." A familiar voice responded from right beside her. Mum! She's here… A warmth spreads over her heart.

"Where's the commander?" Roan asks, a hint of worry coating his words.

"She left with the other girl… Costia I believe. They headed into the woods hours ago." her mum answers distractedly, and Clarke feels a rough, warm fabric scratch against her skin. 

Lexa left with Costia. Without warning, Clarke feels a piece of her heart shatter off. She had known this would happen, she had prepared herself for this day ever since she found out that Costia is alive. But it still hurts. If Lexa was going back to Costia… honestly, what the hell is Clarke doing? Her existence on earth will only hold Lexa back from ifully giving herself to Costia. And lexa doesn't need that. She had sacrificed so much of herself and Clarke is not going to be the one holding her back. She lets the rope tethering her to her body slip from her grip a little, till she's holding on to the end. Her mind was conflicted. She wants to let go of the rope, release her spirit to the dead that has clearly been waiting for her with open arms. All she needed was one last push and she’ll fall into the endless void. Maybe that'd be seen as weak, but Clarke doesn't think she can see Lexa, her Lexa, loving someone else. Clarke is weak for Lexa.

But you promised Lexa. You promised that you will always come back to her. If returning is a possibility, Clarke cannot not take it. 

A cold rush of wind entered the tent once more, and Clarke knew someone new had entered. 

"Heda." She heard Roan voice out, and she felt a burst of energy within her. Lexa is here.

"King Roan, if possible, I would like to speak with you about the chances of Azgeda remaining in the coalition in the preferably near future?" the powerful voice sending vibrations through her body, and Clarke felt another spurt of strength. No matter what choice Lexa has made, as long as she is happy, Clarke will be contented too. She just wants to wake up, to see her Lexa again. She strains with all her might to open the thin layer of muscles covering her eyes. The thin layer separating her from her love.

"Sha heda, I can speak for certain that Azgeda would like to stay in the coalition if you will allow us to. I swear that all I seek for is peace for my people, for them to live comfortably amongst their family and friends, no longer in fear. If need be, I'd be willing to pay for the crimes my mother committed against the coalition." even with her eyes closed and utterly exhausted, Clarke could here the sincerity in his voice. She continues to push against her muscles, trying to open her eyelids that are caging her in. 

"That would not be necessary. Queen Nia has paid for her crimes when her life ended. The coalition will take in Azgeda once more if peace is truly all that you seek. An invitation will be sent to you for the ceremony that will take place in Polis in a few weeks. However, if you need more time to address your people as the new leader, I'd be happy to delay the ceremony."

"mochof heda, I await for your invitation. I apologise, but I have to leave now to deal with people who are loyal to Nia and her rule." Another rush of wind entered the tent. Roan has left. And clarke still made no progress in opening her eyes.

"How is she?" A soft voice asked. Lexa.

"She…. She is strong. She will survive this." Her mother responded, and Clarke felt a familiar tracing of finger along her cheek, abby used to do that when she was a child and refused to close her eyes to sleep.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im so sorry. I lost track of time. but here's the ending guys!!! I really had fun writing this book, it's a real stress reliever from my exams haha. I finally got to finish this though. 
> 
> thank you guys so much for your patience, waiting for my inconsistent updates and continue reading the book. it means a lot to me. And thank you guys for sending me kudos and comments expressing your thoughts about the chapter. It's been fun writing for you guys, and I hope I'll see you in my next work! Bye guys!

Clarke doesn’t know how much time has passed. 

Her mother and Lexa must have left because the tent was silent. 

Clarke sighs and despite knowing it wouldn’t work, she strained her eyelids, trying to open them to see the outside world again. She’s sick of being stuck in her own mind. God knows she doesn’t need the time to overthink anything and everything anymore. 

To her surprise and utter delight, her muscles finally cooperated and she opened her eyes. Only to force them shut again. 

Ow. 

Too bright. 

That hurt. 

Clarke tried again, this time opening them little by little, allowing her pupils to shrink from its dilated state. At first glance, the tent is empty. She was lying in what was obviously a makeshift tent with trays of medical supplies scattered about. There were rows of empty cots laid out in the tent, most of which were stained with blood but it’s occupants shifted to somewhere else. 

Clarke looked around again, this time noticing the small figure laying by her side. Soft brunette hair covers its owner's face, but Clarke could guess who it was. Lexa’s hands were clamped down on her left arm. A smile started to grace her lips but as soon as she moved her cheek muscle, she winced with pain. Right. Injured. Clarke looked down at the brunette, her heart thumping as she feared she had woken the brunette sleeping soundly atop of her arm. Fortunately, Lexa seemed to be out cold as her eyes remains tightly shut.

A breeze blew into the tent as someone entered. Clarke forced her eyes up from Lexa as she looked at the newcomer. 

Nyko grins as he notices Clarke and he opens his mouth to greet her but snapped it shut when Clarke brought her finger to her lips, signalling for him to remain quiet.

Clarke nods towards Lexa, silently pleading with the healer to not wake her up.

Nyko grins and walked up to Clarke, speaking as softly as he could. "Heda barely left your side. After her talk with Kostia kom Trikru, she came back here and refused to move despite our complain of her getting in the way." 

Clarke grins at Nyko. Well, she tried to grin but winced instead as the motion stretched the wound on her face. 

"Is everyone okay? No warriors got severly injured?" Clarke whispered gently, praying in her head that she managed to stop the war in tim e to prevent any deaths.

"One did." Clarke looked at Nyko, horror stricken across her face. "Wanheda, we barely managed to bring you back to life. I'd classify that as severely injured." Nyko smiles at her as he began to assess her wounds.

"I'm no warrior, Nyko." Clarke shakes her head, relief flooding through her body. She did not cause any family to lose their loved ones.

"You fought like one when you were up against Nia. I could see the warrior spirit in you Wanheda. If you trained, you would be the best warrior in all lands." 

"How long was I out?" Clarke tried to change the subject. The idea of her being a warrior…. Being responsible for more deaths, made her heart thump in her chest.

"2 days. But it’s a miracle you woke up at all. You've lost much blood, and the number of open wounds across your body are more than I've ever seen." Nyko gently poked at her leg, but Clarke still flinched from the spike of pain that radiated up her body. 

"Ow." Clarke threw her head back and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the pain.

"Clarke? Clarke! You're awake." the weight on her left hand disappears as Lexa leapt to her feet, craddling Clarke's face in her hands. "What's wrong Clarke? Are you okay?" 

A small smile grace her lips as she opened her eyes to meet the emerald pair that is staring down at her in concern.

"Hi." Clarke murmurs.

"Clarke." Lexa grins as she leans forward to kiss her. 

Clarke gives herself into the soft kiss, ignoring the grin that Nyko is surely sending their way. She moved her lips with Lexa's slowly taking in her warmth, her taste, her scent… god, that's creepy.

"You chose me?" Clarke asks as soon as they broke the kiss.

Lexa smiled down at Clarke. "Always. You're the love of my life Clarke. I'll never leave you."

Clarke felt a warmth sprout within her body as she stared into the green eyes, not even feeling the pain as Nyko prods at one of her larger wounds. For when the green meets blue, everything will be alright. When the green meets blue, nothing else exists.


End file.
